My 26-year-old female tenant: Gufan on the Island

The neon lights in the city continued to flicker, and I saw my own shadow on the glass again, flickering with the neon lights. It was not until late at night, when most of the neon lights were turned off, that my shadow and I finally calmed down a little...

Instead of the light, the wind stimulated my senses. The wind kept blowing, bringing with it the faint sound of waves. Of course, there is no sea in Suzhou, so this must be an auditory hallucination. It is my deep yearning for the boundlessness of the sea, the infinite tolerance of the sea...

Until I turned my gaze to Le Yao, that soul suddenly seemed to have turned into a sailboat, pushed to the center of the sea by an invisible and irresistible force...

Coexisting with freedom is a deep sense of loneliness. In the end, only an isolated island is left, carrying everything in the heart, which is then crumbling, but unable to escape.

This is not my fate, but the fate of everyone. Loneliness and death are like two monsters running hand in hand, taking people's lives that may not have any meaning, rushing towards a realm that can never be explored...

……

I finally said to Le Yao, "You stay here. I'm going back to the old house I rented."

"There's still a lot of wine left."

"I don't want to drink anymore... I just want to have a good sleep, and it would be best if I could sleep forever."

……

Leaving behind many unfinished bottles of wine, I walked alone on the already extremely quiet street, and then followed the signposts blown crooked by the wind to the moat; at this moment, it gave me a greater desire to sleep than a bed.

I lit a cigarette and stared at the river...

The surface of the river gradually turned into a mirror, showing the tragic death of Chen Bailu. He fell in a pool of blood, surrounded by bright red.

The scene switched, and I saw Jian Wei in the mirror again, wearing a wedding dress. The wedding dress was so pure white that it looked as if it had never been stained by worldly dust...

This was the first time I saw her in a wedding dress, but it was in a mirror that didn't exist at all; so no matter how I imagined myself standing next to her, I was ruthlessly torn away by some force.

Then the red blood and the white wedding dress began to flash alternately in my mind, faster and faster. My head felt like it was going to explode, and then I had an urge to jump into the river.

I took another step forward, and the river water blown by the cold wind gradually wet the surface of my shoes.

……

It was at this moment that my cell phone vibrated, and my wandering spirit finally calmed down...

This was Fang Yuan calling, his voice was very low: "Zhaoyang, have you seen the news...Bai Lu...he was shot dead abroad."

"I already know."

"Have you contacted Qianyu?"

"I called her, but no one answered."

Fang Yuan fell into silence...

Our silence was consistent. We had a lot to say in our hearts, but we didn't know how to express it.

……

After an unknown amount of time, Fang Yuan finally spoke, his voice choking: "I can't sleep. When I close my eyes, I see the scene of me taking Bai Lu to the security department that day, and him getting his work clothes and grinning... We always feel that there are many things in this world that we can control... But in fact, I don't even have the ability to help Bai Lu keep that job... You say, if there weren't those people gossiping, and if there wasn't that fight, and he still stayed in the company as a security guard... wouldn't this tragedy have happened?"

"Don't make such a fucking assumption. It's meaningless... He's dead... He's dead... You know that."

My emotions were close to collapse, because Fang Yuan's hypothesis was like a bait, which triggered more hypotheses in my heart. As long as one of these hypotheses was true, it would not bring such a result to Chen Bailu.

……

Fang Yuan fell silent again, and then continued: "After such a tragic event, we must learn some lessons... Life is like a piece of duckweed without roots... In this world full of uncertainty... How can we find our sense of security?... If we cannot have this sense of security, what kind of mood will we feel when facing death?... Is it deep fear, or a kind of relief that can transcend everything?"

I am silent.

"Zhaoyang, I'm really afraid of death... So, I don't dare to experience, or even imagine, what Bai Lu was feeling at that time..."

"You are you, Bailu is Bailu, you just need to live a good life, why do you have to understand his feelings?"

After saying that, I raised my hand and took another deep puff of the cigarette.

"I don't know how to describe this feeling to you. It's just that this person, who was once alive by your side... He didn't die of natural causes... Suddenly... He suddenly... No longer exists... It was so easy, so unexpected... This feeling that is obviously very real, yet unreal... has caused a great shock to my heart..."

After he finished speaking, I heard the sound of Fang Yuan lighting a cigarette on the other end of the phone; and the next moment, the river water had soaked all my shoes, and I gradually had an illusion that I had become one with the cold river water.

I am not afraid of death, at least at this moment, I am not very afraid.

I just hung up the phone with Fang Yuan, not wanting to hear his understanding of life and death anymore.

……

I threw away the cigarette butt in my hand, feeling the dampness in the wind while lifting my feet... Maybe it was the alcohol that stimulated me, or maybe it was because of Chen Bailu, or maybe it was Jian Wei...

"Zhaoyang, are you crazy?"

I heard hurried footsteps behind me, and then a thin body hugged me tightly. She hugged me so tightly that I couldn't even turn my head. But I knew who she was...

……

Because we were too close to the river, our shoes and trouser legs were soaked by the water. This dampness mixed with the early spring night breeze brought us a piercing cold.

Le Yao didn't care about these, she just looked at me...

I finally asked her, "How did you know I was here?"

"You may not bother to understand some people in your whole life, but for some people, you only need to meet them once, and you want to know their whole life... I have seen through you... This is your favorite place with Jian Wei... Chen Bailu's tragedy is like a fuse, which will make you blame yourself and remind you of all the bad things that have happened recently... But Jian Wei is no longer here... The pain that you can't express will definitely make you collapse..." After a short pause, Le Yao asked again: "Did you want to jump into the river just now?"

"You're right... I'm broken!"

“You can’t die even if you collapse… You still have a lot of things to do… You haven’t helped Robben deal with the people from the Bar Association, and you haven’t been to Luoyang to see the City in the Sky…” At this point, Le Yao’s voice gradually became softer, and she continued, “Wait a little longer… Wait a little longer… Give yourself some time… Maybe you will wait for the destined woman… Even though it’s not me… I still hope you can be a little bit good… Be good… Be good… Be good… Believe me, everything will be fine!”