Return to 2001 to pursue dreams

Dear friends, I am very sorry. Since some previous chapters need to be revised, this one needs to be revamped. By the way, I would like to talk to you about my personal affairs.

You may not believe it, but the reason why I decided to write this book will never be imagined by you. It was to treat my depression.

I am 40 years old this year, and I have not had a smooth life since I entered society. None of this matters to me. But what happened when I was thirty is something I still can’t let go of. My ex-girlfriend passed away suddenly! It almost became a hurdle in my heart that I could never overcome. I fell into rumination, thinking over and over about the many regrets that had happened, and kept fantasizing, hoping that the past was just a dream. The more I did this, the more painful it became. His temperament changed drastically, he was sometimes irritable and restless, depressed and depressed, his memory was severely reduced, and he didn't want to communicate with others. I feel like a rat and everything out there is full of danger.

I began to have trouble sleeping all night long. Even if I fell asleep, a very slight sound would wake me up. That year, my mental state was extremely poor. Maybe this is what is called a nervous breakdown. I would also like to thank my current wife very much, who was also my ex-girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend, let’s call her ex-ex-girlfriend now. She spent a lot of time with me at that time and never mentioned anything about my past misfortunes.

She told me to forget the past and start over, let's get married!

When she said these words, I fell into another dilemma. It only made my pain worse. I tried several times to give up everything and start over, but failed. There is always a hurdle in my heart that I cannot overcome. I started to think, what do you mean when you say you dumped me before and now you come back to me? Am I just an empty can in your hand? You can throw it away, but if someone picks it up, you will be unhappy and jump out to grab it. I myself find this idea disgusting.

In desperation, I found my high school teacher, firstly because he was a somewhat professional psychological counselor, and secondly because he was free. You must know that psychological counseling fees are very expensive, and I have no money.

The teacher very seriously asked me to take several answer sheets and passed several hypnosis sessions. Finally, I was diagnosed with moderate depression, severe self-abuse and suicidal tendencies.

I definitely admit to self-abuse, but I don't admit to suicide because I don't have the courage. I tried jumping off a building, but once I stood above the second floor and looked down, I would get dizzy. Cutting my wrists to commit suicide, I'm afraid of the pain! Hanging himself, I think death is not a good look.

I asked the teacher what I should do. Forgive me for saying disrespectful words. All the methods he suggested were just like farting. Finally, he finally came up with his big move and advised me to settle down and write a book, just like him, so that I would forget all the troubles in my heart.

Writing poetry requires passion, and writing novels requires accumulation of life. At that time, my mind was foggy, and my head would get dizzy as soon as I picked up the pen. But it had another miraculous effect: as soon as I picked up the pen, I would fall asleep within a few minutes. Sleeping on the table.

The quality of sleep has improved, and my mood has improved.

When I was 31 years old, I got married to my ex-girlfriend when I had nothing. Two years later, we had our first child, a girl who looked like a lump, and I liked her very much. I feel like this is God’s compensation for me.

I gave up my job and became a stay-at-home dad for more than two years! With the company of the little princess, all the messy thoughts in my mind were thrown away, and I lived the most relaxed and happy life.

My child was able to go to kindergarten. I went back to work and came into contact with society again. I tried my best to make myself look like everything didn't matter, and faced it with a smile. I would try to impress others, but I didn't dare to get drunk late at night. No matter how much I drank, I had to make sure My mind is clear, so I can't guarantee that I will do anything drastic after the fragment is broken.

Because of the heavy responsibilities in life, I overcame the depression in my heart. Maybe it was because I was too hopeless, and my wife's attitude towards me began to fluctuate, which made me fall into rumination again and fall into the whirlpool of regret.

I knew I couldn't go on like this, so I picked up the pen again and wrote the stories in my heart late at night when I couldn't sleep. Many of the story fragments in this book are my own personal experiences. However, my writing style is limited and my words often fail to express my feelings. But it happened that this nonsense article actually cured my depression.

I will continue to write, and I hope everyone will support me. Leave a comment or something. It can also be regarded as an incentive. I would like to thank you all here.