Life is more than just living

Li Yanan's story was widely publicized through the trumpet Jin Yu, and the whole class knew about it. No one asked Li Yanan, but many people looked at her secretly. Fang Jia looked at Li Yanan sadly. She didn't know what to say to Li Yanan, but it could be seen from her eyes that she felt unworthy of Li Yanan.

Li Yanan was on pins and needles during class. Later, when she was in the big class, she saw that even the students from foreign classes started to point fingers at her. She gritted her teeth and straightened her teeth, remembering what Chen Xu said to her during the winter vacation: Do everything Before doing anything, prepare for the worst and see if you can bear the consequences and whether you will regret it in the future!

Li Yanan felt that no matter what choice she made, she would have to bear the consequences. She had already made her choice and there was no turning back. Graduation is about to begin, let’s wait until we get our diploma! The people in her dormitory stopped talking to Li Yanan, so she had to live in a rental house every day. But humans are social animals, and only if their hearts are strong enough can they be alone without getting hurt.

One day, Chen Xu was studying in the library, and Li Yanan suddenly walked over and sat down next to her. Chen Xu glanced at her without saying anything and continued studying. A place like the library is indeed not suitable for conversation. By noon, when Chen Xu was tired and ready to eat, Li Yanan packed up her books and walked out of the library with her. Chen Xu turned to look at her, "You have something to do with me?" Li Yanan looked at Chen Xu, "How should I put it? I want to apologize to you. I misunderstood you before and thought you were pretending to be noble. Of course, you must also I don’t care what I think of you. But you are really a person with a strong bottom line. If Jin Yu had found out about this, the whole city would have been in trouble, and I wouldn’t have had the peace of mind for more than half a year."

Chen Xu looked at her, "We are all adults. What you choose is your business. I have no right to point fingers at you. If you take shortcuts, you will have to bear the consequences. There is no free lunch in the world, nor Pies will fall out of thin air, just feel good about it. You don't need to thank me, because it has nothing to do with me, and I don't have that much time to care about other people's affairs."

Li Yanan still said sincerely, "You are really a good person. At least you don't do things that harm others and do not benefit yourself. I misunderstood you in the past and said things I shouldn't have said. I apologize to you today." ." Chen Xu didn't expect that when Li Yanan's incident came out, she would suddenly come over to apologize to him. Is it just because he didn't tell others about it?

Li Yanan said awkwardly: "Chen Xu, I know you have never considered me a friend, but we were roommates after all! Aren't we still classmates now? Do you have time? I'll treat you to dinner at noon! I have some things that I want to find someone to talk to, but I really can’t find anyone. I know there are some things that others can’t relate to, and others will be annoyed if I tell them, but I don’t think anyone will go crazy if I say it. Can you give me some advice? Give me some time and listen to what I have to say.”

Chen Xu looked at her and said, "Okay, I'm going to eat anyway, so there's no need to treat me to a meal. Let's go to the cafeteria to eat, if you can still eat the food in the cafeteria. We'll finish in the cafeteria. Eat, and then go for a walk by the lake! Fortunately, it’s not too cold today.”

The two of them had a meal in the cafeteria. Li Yanan said, "My story is a bit long. Can you go sit with me in the cafe outside for a while? Although the weather is not too cold today, I still feel quite cold after being outside for a long time. I didn't pay attention to keeping warm after the miscarriage and fell I'm afraid of the cold and can't stay outside for too long." Chen Xu agreed. The two of them went to a small cafe on the corner outside the school and sat down. Li Yanan ordered two cups of coffee. Chen Xu was a little bit unaccustomed to drinking this stuff, and it was hard. Li Yanan stirred the coffee in the cup with one hand. After a long time, she raised her head and said, "Chen Xu, I really admire you. You can live so tenaciously by yourself, but I couldn't hold on anymore and that's why I took this path. I My mother used to be a private primary school teacher. At that time, her monthly salary was only 80 yuan, but my mother loved this job very much. She liked the feeling of being respected and treated as an educated person. But later, private teachers When the last batch of regular students were admitted, she was dismissed because she did not have a diploma. Therefore, my mother has always attached great importance to my studies and asked me to have a diploma that I can get. I have always had excellent grades since I was a child, and I have always been my best student. Mom's pride. But later my father was injured while working outside and could no longer earn money. The family only had a few acres of thin farmland, and the income was not enough to support the family.

I can only apply for student loans when I go to college. People are very strange. The poorer they are, the more they are afraid of being looked down upon by others. Obviously I have done nothing wrong. I study hard and get good grades, but my low self-esteem is always with me. I changed dormitories at the beginning of my sophomore year. I knew that when the six-person dormitory changed to a four-person dormitory, two people would definitely move out. But if I moved to another four-person dormitory, I wouldn’t feel inferior, but just because I had a student aid For the loan, I had to go to a six-person dormitory like everyone else. The day I left that dormitory, I felt that I had never been so ashamed. The difference in accommodation fees was only 400 yuan every year. It was not that I couldn't afford the 400 yuan, but the regulations stipulated that I, a poor student, could not live in a four-person dormitory. This naked contempt felt like an invisible whip hitting my face. That day was a day of great shame for me.

I originally thought that as long as I studied hard and graduated from a prestigious school, found a job to earn a high salary to supplement my family income, and paid off student loans, my future would have been bright. But then my father passed away, leaving only my mother and younger brother in the family. My younger brother was ineffective and couldn't study well, so he only went to a junior college, but it happened to cost a lot more money to go to junior college than me. The student loan money is simply not enough for him. I have to save part of my money to support him, so that my living expenses are not enough. Like you, I also try to get a part-time job, but because I have no experience, I am always bullied. Later, I met Wang Hao while distributing leaflets. He felt good about himself. Because he thought I was pitiful, he gave me an extra few dozen yuan. I could have refused, but I couldn't bear to refuse. A few dozen yuan was enough for my living expenses for several days. We got to know each other over time. Indeed, I am very grateful to him, but I can't say I like him. You have also seen the way he looks, so it is difficult to sincerely like him.

Later, he confessed to me that he liked me, that I was pure, and that I was strong. I knew that this was his usual method of deceiving girls, but what should I do? I couldn't resist his temptation. To be precise, I couldn't resist the temptation of money. He just has a big addiction and is not strong in that area at all. So I didn't have to wait on him a few times a month. He rented me a small one-bedroom house opposite the school. I have to say that he is quite disgusting. He thinks he is very charming and thinks that I love her, so he refuses to give me money directly. He just buys me some things. I can only shamelessly tell him. Go and return some of the things, get some money, give my mother some household expenses, and give some to my brother. I'm not good-looking, so I can't sell it for a high price. I was very satisfied with this, because this man was infertile, so he was unwilling to take any measures. I got pregnant during the summer vacation, and I had to go to school, so I had no intention of keeping the child. What's more, the doctor said there were signs of threatened abortion. In order to get some nutrition and abortion fees from him, I told him that I was pregnant. Unexpectedly, he actually asked me whose child it was, saying that he had asthenozoospermia and that it was impossible for me to get pregnant. I was sad and embarrassed. I consulted the doctor, who said that there is a certain relationship between asthenozoospermia and threatened abortion. In order to get money, I lied to him and said that I was too sad to be suspected, so I took the initiative to abort the child. He also secretly checked online and found out that asthenozoospermia can make women pregnant. He felt guilty and gave me 2 yuan.

This time, in order to stabilize me, he gave me a bank card, which he said was the company's dividend card with more than 100 million yuan in it. He also said that there would be hundreds of thousands of dividends at the end of the year. Although I didn't go to the bank to check, I I also know that even if he has 100 million in it, I can't take it out. He should save it regularly. What you said before was right, but I don't think what I'm doing now is right. But now that things have come to this, I just want to graduate smoothly. Now I have gotten almost 10,000+ from him. In addition to giving to my brother and my mother, there are still tens of thousands more. After I graduate, if I can get admitted and work within the system, I will have no worries about food and clothing. It would be best if I can find the right person to get married by then. Even if no one marries me, at least I won't have a problem eating. I don't have the ability to get rid of him yet. "

Chen Xu asked in confusion: "Why are you telling me this? I don't sympathize." Li Yanan smiled sadly, "I don't need sympathy. Sympathy makes me feel disgusting, and even I look down on myself. I feel sorry for myself and it doesn't make me feel comfortable. I just want to find someone to talk to. I can't talk to my mother or my brother. When I want to talk, I find that I don't even have a friend. Just uploaded When we were in college, Fang Jia and I had a good relationship, but later I didn’t want to be friends with her. We were almost the same at first, but then her family’s conditions got better. People are so strange sometimes. Looking at the Jin Yu family We are rich, Lin Zihan and Wang Yuqi's family conditions are not bad, I don't feel anything, but Fang Jia suddenly got better, but I can't adapt to it, this is the bad part of human nature!"

Chen Xu didn't try to persuade Li Yanan to leave that man. She just said softly, "Li Yanan, just do what you think is right. Don't care too much about what others say. People don't live for others to see. Some people Taking shortcuts, some people choose the difficult path. No matter which path is taken, it is our own choice. There is no need to complain, and there is no need to explain to anyone. I still say the same thing, just be worthy of yourself. Whatever you want in the future As long as you don’t regret it. The joys and sorrows of human beings are not the same, and it is difficult for people to empathize with them, so sympathy is really cheap and very valuable. Again, I don’t sympathize with you, but I have no grudge against you. , I hope you will live better and better and live the life you really want."

A drop of Li Yanan's tear fell into the coffee cup, "Thank you Chen Xu. I admire you very much. You can firmly follow your own path and move forward according to your own established ideas. No matter how hard it is, you can persevere. I sincerely hope your wishes come true.”