Azkaban: The Fifth House of Hogwarts

This trembling lesson was spent in fear among the little wizards, especially Neville who was frightened at the beginning. Perhaps because of his damn desire for survival, Neville miraculously had no potion today. Roll over.

After Neville was helped out of the Potions classroom by Seamus, there were only two figures left in the empty classroom.

One was Snape, who was standing quietly on the podium, and the other was Harry, who was slowly packing his schoolbag and deliberately leaving it behind.

"Professor Snape, can we talk?"

Harry walked to the front of the podium and asked softly.

This didn't seem to go beyond Snape's expectations, or he hid his surprise well. Snape left silently without responding, and Harry followed in his footsteps.

They came to the teacher's office on the same floor. There was no sunlight here. The only window reflected the water at the bottom of the Black Lake, which was a bit of deep green. Occasionally, there would be swimming fish passing by, posing and posing by the window as if they were using it. The glass admires its own beautiful appearance.

"sit."

Snape pointed his finger and spoke briefly.

The two sat down across a desk, and Snape, with his hands crossed, looked at Harry calmly.

But neither of them spoke. They looked at each other, as if they were waiting for the other to start the conversation.

Regarding the practice of patience, Harry was obviously no match for Snape's sophistication. After the magic hourglass placed on the table turned up and down silently, Harry's lips moved slightly.

"Professor Snape, you know my mother, right?"

"I heard that you were classmates and knew each other. I think you must have had a very good relationship."

Harry's voice was soft, but Snape listened carefully.

"Narcissus root actually refers to a lily that looks like a narcissus, while wormwood refers to absence and bitter sadness."

"The questions you asked me at that time were telling me that you were concerned about my mother's death..."

Harry paused for a moment. Although he could no longer remember what his mother looked like, whenever he mentioned these things, Harry still felt like his heart was filled with something stuck in his throat but he couldn't express it.

"Rollo said that people's eyes can convey true words that cannot be spoken. I was sorry for staring at you in the classroom, but I seemed to hear it at that time. I heard some kind of sadness and pain, just like life and death. The language of flowers conveyed by water is the same, although I don’t fully understand why..."

"Professor Snape, could you please tell me something about my mother? No one has told me this, and I don't know who I can ask. At night at the Dursleys' house, I always Dreaming about that green light..."

Snape, whose pupils suddenly became dilated, was stunned, and his lips began to tremble slightly. He lowered his head in a silent moment, and the moist mist was hidden in his dull eyes, and there was another sound in his ears. heard——

"I thought I heard someone calling my name. Could that voice be my mother?"

"But I don't know what happened next. My scar hurts a lot. It was left by Voldemort on my body, right..."

"I....."

Harry did not continue speaking. He saw the drooped head in front of him raised. Snape at this moment looked completely different from what he had seen before.

His eyes were red and bloodshot, but there was no sign of any ferocity in his appearance. A sadness so strong that it could not be melted was solidified on his face. Harry even saw some wet tears, but they had been wiped away by his fingers. go.

"Look at me," Snape said.

He slowly reached out his hand, crossed the table and gently lifted Harry's hair, exposing the lightning-like scar to his eyes.

"Your eyes are so much like your mother's..."

"I know her, of course I know her..."

A bitter smile appeared on Snape's face, and his eyes were filled with regret and nostalgia.

"I'm sorry for your mother, I'm sorry for her, Lily..."

"it's all my fault...."

"I didn't say those words..." Snape's voice suddenly choked and he gritted his teeth. He retracted his hand and held the back of his head in pain. His white fingertips seemed to be piercing into his head—— He opened up the memories of the past and began to describe them word for word.

"It was July 1971, a sultry summer, and I received the notice from Hogwarts, and so did Lily. We lived in two places separated by only one street. When we were very young, We already knew each other.”

"She is a girl who loves to laugh, smart, cheerful, generous, and has a bright and pure heart. When no one else was willing to talk to me, she became my first friend and... .my only friend...."

"Lily Evans, this is your mother's name, she...she reached out to me in the darkness and became my salvation. I thought we would always be good friends, Until that letter arrives..."

"Hogwarts acceptance letter..."

"We both became wizards and entered the palace of magic, but it was at that time that she and I embarked on two completely different paths."

"Lily is a very smart witch. She performs very well in any subject. Transfiguration, spells, potions... No subject is difficult for her. She is like... ..No...she was the most dazzling princess in Hogwarts at that time, every teacher liked her, and every classmate liked her."

"Except stupid me."

"You know, I am a Slytherin, and Lily went to Gryffindor. Originally, we still kept in contact, but stupidly, I believed those words and thought that Slytherin and Gryffindor were mortal enemies. I We are destined to be two different people."

"I saw her excellence in my eyes. I was filled with blessings and envy at first, but I don't know why... Gradually, I felt a little inferior. I was a weed rooted in the mud, and I could only look up to her. Look at the flowers bathed in sunshine."

"I....."

Snape paused briefly, trying to ease the choke in his words.

"I started to be jealous of her. I was jealous that she was the best in everything. Even in Potions, which I am best at, she made the teacher look up to her with admiration. I was a little unwilling to do so. I thought I was the best, even in the field of Potions. Neither can Lily..."

"I didn't say these words to her because I didn't dare. My inferiority complex made me choose silence, but my pride at that time made me unwilling to admit defeat."

"So I alienated her and gradually stopped talking to her. Lily came to me several times to share her happiness with me, but I, who had long distorted myself, used the most vicious words to drive her away from her. My concern...."

Snape raised his head, revealing his blood-red eyes, which were hollow and lifeless, almost on the verge of collapse.

"One day, I broke out like I was having a seizure. I threw her hand away in front of her and in front of many people, and said-"

"I say....."

Two lines of turbid tears slipped down and landed on Snape's bewildered hands.

"I called her 'Mudblood'."

Snape, who seemed to have been drained of his soul, leaned back slumped on the chair, his hands hanging down, as if he had lost some of the most important treasures.

"What does it mean?"

After an awkward silence, Harry asked cautiously, not knowing what the word meant.

"That is the most contemptuous name, the most filthy curse, and the greatest humiliation to a Muggle-born wizard."

"I called her that, in front of many people, in front of her... I betrayed her, I betrayed the person who pulled me out of the darkness, I was a heinous bastard."

"I don't know why I said those words like crazy at that time, but I also know that I can never save her. I want to apologize, but this is not a sin that can be wiped away with an apology."

"I'm sorry for your mother, I..."

Snape's throat rolled, and he seemed to be making a big decision. He seemed to want to say something to Harry, but the unspoken words were so heavy that he couldn't bear it now.

He was also burdened with an even more serious crime against Lily, which was like the water of life and death, a serious crime separated by life and death. It could not be made up for even in a lifetime, and it was the deepest secret in Snape's heart.

He wanted to tell Harry everything, but his hoarse throat came out with a hoarse voice like a broken bellows...

'It was because of me that your mother was found by Voldemort. It was because of me - I killed her...'

Snape's lips were trembling, but he could no longer make any sound. The words he wanted to say but didn't dare to say were stuck in the back of his throat. He struggled desperately and dug his nails on the table. There were bloody traces.

"Thank you very much for telling me this..."

Harry, who had burst into tears at some point, stood up and wiped away his tears. He turned around with his schoolbag in hand, and then slowly disappeared from Snape's sight.

There was a hand that seemed to be trying to hold back his departing figure, but in the end it only picked up a ball of air.

"Lily..."

There were painful sobs that echoed in the dark room, but no one could hear them.