[Hokage] Terukawa

The afternoon sun gently poured down from the high sky in the southwest, the clear blue sky had few clouds, and it was as high and deep as the unnamed wild lakes in the mountains and forests of my hometown.If the grass leaves and branches swaying in the cold winter wind are the moss-scarred algae on the green stones on the lakeshore, then the wind that circulates and wanders around the world should be the endless, never-ending murmur. The veins are gone.

Even though it was only the beginning of winter, there was a heavy snowfall the day before. The snow was so fast and thick that it only took more than one night to dye the whole leaves into pure white. Thinning the snow by a few inches, on the contrary, the sunlight itself was rendered a bit pale by the shiny white snow, and then closed the surrounding dry and dark branches, the misty but heavy loneliness just smudged my eyes red.

"...No, you're thinking too much, I'm completely fine, and I won't be so sentimental," I said blankly, "Don't you think the snow is dazzling?"

"……really."

I was stalked by me, but Kakashi didn't feel embarrassed to ask a strange question. He just asked in a hesitant tone after thinking for a while:

"Zhaohe, what kind of fear do you think the ninja fears?"

I looked over in surprise - Kakashi turned a blind eye to the pure white beauty of the early winter around him.The flowing wind is clear and cool, but his deep-colored eyes are pulsating and burning. I see my own shadow in the indigo with scorching temperature. The long black coat is about to match the bottom of his eyes. Colors blend together.

...For some reason, staring at Kakashi who asked such a question, I felt a pure joy that I have rarely felt since the beginning of the war.At this moment, most of the rusty red in my eyes and the long-standing depression in my chest seemed to be blown away by the icy cold wind, and some kind of brisk thing first took away a few weights that were weighing on my heart, and then slowly Slowly raised the corners of my lips.

I walked a few steps and came to the nearest sidewalk chair. In autumn and winter, the luxuriant pines and cypresses well blocked the falling snow from above it, and there were only a few white spots of snow on the bench seat.

I was the first to sit on it, and it didn't feel very good—it was a bit cold and damp, but I still beckoned Kakashi to come over, and moved to the side to let him sit next to me.

"What about you, Kakashi? Tell me about yourself first," I smiled. "As a ninja on the battlefield, what kind of fear do you have?"

Kakashi came to his senses, but he didn't answer right away. He just looked at me for a while with indescribably complex eyes, and then spoke slowly when he saw that I was as motionless as a mountain.

"Death," he said, "I dread death . . . no matter what kind of death it is."

"Death of any kind?"

"Well, but it's actually quite normal to be afraid of death."

Kakashi looked towards the Konoha Hospital building not far away.

"I don't want to die, and I don't want to watch the people around me die. People love to say that the world after death is a pure land that symbolizes bliss—but what does such a pure land look like?"?

"I can't imagine it, and no one can imagine it. No one can imagine it, so no one can tell me, so I can only continue to imagine by myself, but my imagination is not rich, and it is linked to 'death' The scene, I can only think of a terrible darkness."

Kakashi's expression was very flat, and the tone of his explanation was calm.

"This is my fear of death. I absolutely don't want to sink into the darkness myself, let alone watch my companions drown in it... I don't want to experience that kind of feeling any more."

"Every time makes me," he paused, "painful. But I walked over every time. Even so, I still can't imagine what it will be like next time. I can't imagine Lin not smiling anymore, Minato-sensei And Kushina's house no longer opens its doors to welcome us, no one from my classmates calls me 'Kakashi' anymore, Kai doesn't follow me to ask for lessons, and, uh..."

He glanced at me quickly, and even his tone quickened.

"And what's more, without you lecturing me non-stop with a stinky face."

"Death could take it all away, and I can't imagine myself losing it."

Finally, Kakashi concluded.

"My whole fear of death came from that, and it made me feel bound."

My heart moved, and I sighed pretendingly, and said, "Kakashi, I can't do anything about the other ones, but I can provide you with an imaginary template for the last one."

"what?"

So when Kakashi turned his head with a question mark on his face, it was my smiling eyes that met me.

"I don't know if what I'm going to say next is preaching to you, but at least I'm not making a bad face now, am I?"

I laughed.

"As for the issue of preaching... Well, I'm sorry, I'm too eager most of the time, I will pay attention to my attitude in the future, and try to avoid making you feel that way, but if it's a discussion, you should not expect I'll have a good face."

"..."

silence.

Silence is Kakashi tonight, as for me - I'm responsible for watching his face slowly turn red.

"... Yasaka Terukawa! Who is going to talk to you about this! I am very serious - you have to be more serious to me!!"

The voice is really loud, and the face is red, so the vitality is still there.

I made a tactical lean back to widen the distance between us, and at the same time pointed to Kakashi's back with a smile—that is, the direction of Konoha Hospital.

I watched with satisfaction as he suddenly stopped his voice (he said something, it was funny), then stared at me with a murderous look in his eyes, and said in a low voice: "He is a good person, but unfortunately he can talk. "

Enough jokes and enough trouble with Kakashi, I finally straightened my expression and cleared my throat, formally putting Kakashi's question on the table.

"The first thing to be sure is, don't be ashamed of your fear, on the contrary, for soldiers, for people, fear is the norm."

Through Huatou, I nodded Kakashi intentionally or unintentionally.

"The ones who can truly be fearless, well, I can only think of dead men who have been instilled with strange ideas since childhood. However, is this kind of dead man still a real person? Even wild beasts can judge the situation, if When the situation is unfavorable, the beast will be afraid of defeat."

"So, I think the essence of fear is actually the survival instinct of creatures, a necessary means of survival engraved into genes, which is connected with thinking about the situation and avoiding danger, and the reason why we are discussing the problem now is that It is because our subjective thinking is based on a higher level, and we are using consciousness to analyze and even fight against instinct."

Kakashi's eyes flashed with thought, but he frowned quickly: "If you look at it this way, fear is the instinct of living things."

"Yes." I nodded.

"But instinct can't be eliminated by the day after tomorrow." He looked at me with burning eyes, and his voice was low, "Then, in your eyes, what kind of existence is a dead man?"

"Instinct cannot be eliminated," I nodded, "but as long as the meaning behind the fear is blurred, people's consciousness can spontaneously weaken the fear."

"By controlling the mind?"

"Almost, but rather than controlling thoughts, it is better to instill them with a twisted idea of ​​being controlled from the very beginning, and this must be a long and subtle process."

I smirked a little when I remembered some unpleasant things.

"Kakashi, this angle is too deep. If we change to the opposite direction, maybe the problem will become much simpler and clearer."

Kakashi nodded noncommittally, seemingly lost in thought.

I said, "First question, do you love Konoha?"

"...What kind of problem are you talking about?"

He looked over with a frown and saw that I was serious, so he replied patiently, "It's love."

"Why love?"

"Why love? Because my home is here, my belonging is here, what reason does this kind of love need?"

"Well said," I smiled, "Then Kakashi, what do you think home symbolizes for ninjas? You consider Konoha your home—why is Konoha your home?"

"Because I was born here, grew up here, learned to fight here, became a ninja here, my roots are here."

"Can I understand it as a fetter?" I asked.

"..." He glanced at me, "Of course."

"Because your bond is here, so your home is here?"

"Yes."

"That's it, that's the hidden meaning behind the fear."

I say.

"In order to maintain your bonds, maintain your home, and maintain your love, you will work hard to live. For this reason, you will always think about your future path, plan carefully before acting, and overwhelm the enemy in battle. A strong force creates fear, and then changes tactics or retreats directly."

Kakashi nodded and said, "Usually, that's true, but..." His eyes dimmed a little, "But if it's just like this, it would be great. The reality is that war brings death— ——People die every day, meaningful and nonsensical, known and unknown, our own and the enemy's... These are much more complicated than instinct."

"For us, there are always things in the world that are worth sacrificing our lives to pursue. It's just that we should think twice when encountering problems, and make more measurements for ourselves. When our lives are at stake, only our own decisions are the best." I said.

Kakashi frowned suddenly: "But I don't think this is right, I can't agree."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.

"An army without discipline cannot be called an army—so can an army without orders be called an army?"

Kakashi looked at me sideways, his eyes serious and calm.

"There is a difference between people's vision and strategy. You often command battles yourself. You must have a deeper understanding of this. Under the same situation, different commands will bring different endings, but no matter what the command is, The most important thing is that the subordinates obey the orders and will follow the instructions of the command. On the contrary, if everyone follows his own ideas and decides his own life and death, then this scattered army cannot be called an army, but It's just a plate of useless loose sand."

"...You are right."

I rubbed my chin, thinking for a while.

"The relationship between people is two-way. When the ninja gives trust to the commander, the commander should also give trust to the ninja. Mutual trust is the best battlefield relationship."

"It's not realistic," Kakashi reminded, "Do you remember which teams you have led? The team members are the same, but if the relationship between the commander and the team members is so strange, how can we talk about trust?" start?"

I shook my head, this is indeed a big problem.

Where does trust start?

Get along for a long time?Who has time to be with everyone?

The accumulation of reputation?Haha, talking about reputation in Anbu who speaks through a mask, am I crazy or the higher-ups are crazy?

——This is indeed unrealistic.

I held my chin in silence for a moment, but in the end I could only let out a long sigh with a wry smile.

"Do your best, Kakashi."

I stretched out my hand to half wrap Kakashi's shoulders, and looked up at the sky—clear and blue, still the same as that day.

"Strive to be strong enough to make your own choices. At that point, no matter whether it is the order of your own mind or the distrust or doubt of strangers, nothing can restrain you anymore. You can make the choices you like , to trust the person you want to trust, even if you don’t want to trust others, you still have the reliance and power to trust yourself.”

... The clear and blue scene, the high sky and the wide sea, are quiet and quiet, but they are all static, too static, and it is somewhat uninteresting to appreciate.

I hope that there will be some moving and lively elements added.

It is best to be able to spread and vibrate the wings as much as you want, and can ride the wind and clouds to soar upwards.

Kakashi replied, not seeming to be used to such an overly clinging posture.I glanced at him, then simply put my hands away and got up, ready to leave.

I've almost finished what I want to say, and the task report is still short of the end, if I go back and finish it now... Wait.

"Ninjas are not tools."

I stopped, turned my head and said emphatically.

"If a ninja is used as a tool by others, then the ninja is miserable, but if a ninja uses himself as a tool, then he will stop there."

When the voice fell to the ground, I stretched out my hand to gather the black collar of the coat, and said, "I still have some things to do, let's go first."

I took a step forward, but before I had gone a few steps, I heard Kakashi calling me again.I turned around and saw that his face was blurred by the white water vapor I exhaled, and his expression was unrecognizable.

"Is it urgent?" Kakashi asked from a distance, "If you're not in a hurry, why don't you... stop by and follow me to the knifesmith's shop? Show me the new knife that I entrusted to him before."

Seeing me staring at him, I paused and said, "...I just think that you use knives from time to time, so your opinion should be more valuable as a reference. It doesn't matter if you don't go."

...The words are so humble, but the tone is so firm that it seems that I am sure that I will not refuse.

Away from the dense water vapor, I seem to have met his calm gaze.

……alright, you win.