15 – So sweet yet faint
Episode 15
When a week had passed since Winter signed a trainee contract at SS, I just waited.
Since there was no way for a road manager to be in charge of trainees, they decided that it would take time to create one.
After two weeks, the happiness circuit turned on.
‘Maybe it’s because I’m busy with work,’ he said generously.
After three weeks, I started to have doubts.
Anyway, it was strange that we didn’t contact each other even once.
Still, I believed and waited.
I believed in the pride that Cheon Jong-hoon showed for 10 years in the previous episode.
That guy broke his promise?
The promise that this man, the embodiment of pride, made with his own mouth?
… Oh no way.
In my experience, this was difficult to understand.
When four weeks passed, there was no more waiting.
Under the mindset that it was your fault for keeping your mouth shut, I contacted you as much as possible through private numbers and emails, including my official work phone number.
Still, there was no reaction.
It seemed like it was blocked.
I have finally accepted reality.
It seemed like Cheon Jong-Hoon had tricked me.
After going wild with anger, I decided to take revenge on myself someday and accepted reality.
And I looked at job search sites.
He gave up and chose to become a road manager at a small and medium-sized agency.
Meanwhile, a thought crossed my mind.
Wait, I haven’t used the Future Fragment yet, have I?
“Reward Window! Reward Window!”
[Future Fragment ‘Medium’ (no financial gain restrictions) <Available>]
When my older sister went to work and cried out loud for compensation from a corner of the room where no one was there, fragments of the future were found here and there.
When I remembered winning second place in the lottery using this fragment in the previous round, dopamine rushed out of my head.
[Would you like to use future fragments?]
“use!”
Lotto numbers please!
***
“One, two, three. hello! “It’s Alcest!”
“nice to meet you! Alcest everyone. Wow, just having you here brightens the atmosphere of this dull studio. Look at the camera director smiling heartily! “Today I realized for the first time that he can smile like that!”
The audience burst into laughter at the MC’s joke.
Winter felt like the laughter was a mockery directed at her.
Rationally, I knew that I was laughing at the cheerful MC.
But I couldn’t accept my emotions that way.
Winter was scary for people.
“But Mr. Winter is still silent. Didn’t you take away all the comments from the unnies because you’re the maknae?”
Winter did not recognize that the MC had called him by his real name.
It seemed that everyone in the world was looking at him.
It seemed that everyone in the world was ignoring them.
It was dizzy.
My stomach rumbled.
I felt like throwing up.
“really sorry. Winter said he wasn’t feeling well since this morning.”
“What is SS. How much do you pamper our cute juniors? Shall I tell SS President Chun Sun-soo? Do you want a vacation?”
“ah… No! “You can do it in the middle of winter!”
Winter suddenly came to her senses and got up from her seat and started dancing to show that she would not be disturbed.
The MC, who accepted it as an entertainment character, smiled and changed the mood.
“I heard you came to our palette this time with a new album and new songs? How can you not listen to this? “Okay, now let’s play some music!”
I barely survived the winter by holding on to my half-asleep mind.
Recording is over.
Alcest’s leader Yu-jeong caught Winter, who was trying to regain her fragile spirit and go back to the waiting room to rest.
She asked me to go to the bathroom with her.
Winter had no right to veto.
After entering the bathroom and confirming that no one was there, Yoo-jeong forcibly pushed Gyeol-ri towards the wall out of sight.
thud!
“midwinter. Since you cause trouble every day, I thought there would be no new way. “But I was wrong.”
Yunjeong mocked winter.
“Today’s nuisance method is very new. “It’s amazing.”
After each word, Yunjeong poked Winter’s chest with her unusually sharp finger, with artificial fingernails inserted into it.
The force was stronger than it looked, so Winter nearly stumbled several times, but managed to hold on.
The area around my eyes felt a little sore, but I was used to it and held back the tears.
If Winter shows signs of being harmed, such as staggering or crying, Yoon-jeong will apologize for being harsh and then take the ‘discipline’ in a more sinister and malicious direction.
This was knowledge gained through experience.
“sorry. sister.”
“I’m sorry, what should I do? Is it okay if I apologize?”
She repeated her apology, praying that the current discipline would end quickly.
And then I thought.
‘How did it end up like this?’
Winter tried to find the cause in her own fault, but the situation got so twisted even before Winter became a member of Alcest’s debut group.
Cheon Jong-hoon told SS trainees that the girl group Project Alcest he is planning is made up of five members.
He said that if you want to be one of those five people, you have to practice to the point where you are soaked in sweat and blood.
All 32 trainees sacrificed their lives for one goal: debut, which Cheon Jong-hoon set as bait.
In the process, she had to cut out all the side effects that typical girls of that age enjoy, such as school, snacks, dating, and hobbies.
While you were wasting your time doing that, the competitors sitting next to you were dancing and singing even more.
They have become swords that only perform one function: idols.
It was a harsh penance even from the perspective of an ordinary saint.
There were many people who could not endure the journey and left midway.
The remaining trainees made up their minds by classifying them as losers and losers.
With the determination that he would not leave in an ugly state like that.
As expected, those who left cried sadly and bowed their heads in guilt and shame.
He looked like a loser.
However, it did not necessarily look as expected.
Those who left seemed to feel a sense of liberation.
It looked very sweet.
Every time a competitor who fell behind showed such behavior, they were shaken.
Will the time you invest be rewarded?
Is this place worth the sacrifices we are making now?
No one could confirm that.
In the resulting anxiety, they became sharper.
I looked at the trainee next to me as a competitor, not as a colleague.
In the past, he aggressively pushed his opponents with only small problems that he would have laughed off.
Rather than helping with mistakes and shortcomings, I saw it as an opportunity to gain an advantage and felt joy.
They pushed each other to turn SS’s practice room into a more dangerous and unpleasant space.
But there was one person who blocked that flow.
It was Yoon Seo-ah, the oldest among the trainees.
She mediates conflicts and always provides strength.
I took care of annoying chores like organizing the practice room.
He smiled and radiated positive energy no matter what the situation.
Yoon Seo-ah was nothing less than a spiritual leader for SS’s female trainees.
The same was true for debutants Lily, Coco, Amy, and Yoon Jeong, who were named in the final entry list by Cheon Jong-hoon.
From noble mtl dot com
They believed that she would fill the remaining empty spot in Alcest’s debut group.
This is because Yoon Seo-ah was clearly considered to be a person with the ability and character to do so.
And I also hoped.
It was thought that the arduous practice and schedule could be endured if a strong person like Yoon Seo-ah led the way.
“Alcest’s last position will be this child.”
But that expectation was betrayed.
The last member of Alcest revealed by Cheon Jong-hoon was not Yoon Seo-ah as they expected.
He wasn’t even among his competitors who had been trainees together for at least three years.
It was the middle of winter, less than a week after I joined SS as a trainee.
They couldn’t accept that fact and accept Winter as a companion.
As they were still young and had immature egos, they were swayed by a sense of betrayal.
And expressed it.
I started to hate winter.
Winter was also able to feel such an air current.
However, Winter, who had never built proper human relationships, did not have the affinity to be among the members and lighten the mood.
I lacked the courage to approach and improve the situation.
Therefore, rather than taking active steps to improve the situation, Winter decided that it was because she lacked ability and just tried harder.
That was the worst choice.
I had to muster the courage to approach.
I should have gotten angry and clashed with him instead.
But I couldn’t.
As a result, Lily, Coco, Amy, and Yunjeong became increasingly exclusive.
Even though they were on the same team, they put up a wall between themselves and Winter and began to distinguish them as different people.
Even when Winter tried to talk to her, she only responded with a sweet answer and a mixture of irritation.
It was routine not to tell me the practice schedule or test times.
When Winter tried to eat next to me, I moved around.
From their reactions, Winter became frightened and became more and more passive.
It was a vicious cycle.
Even after quitting debut group life and debuting with the same team under the name Alcest, the bullying continued.
They appeared to be in harmony during filming, official schedules, and rehearsals with observers.
However, in other situations, winter was treated as inferior to others.
It was not a visible form of harassment such as assault.
Because the members were sensible people who knew the repercussions of their actions.
However, actions that did not cross that line were carried out in various and continuous ways.
That was the current address.
Winter still tried to look good to the members.
He blamed all the problems on himself and tried not to bring any harm to the name Alcest.
That is, until one incident occurred.
Not long ago, a scandal broke out between Chanyoung and Gyeoreum, visual members of the popular idol Shade.
Winter thought it was nothing more than common gossip.
This is because he and Chanyoung were never in that kind of relationship.
However, the situation changed significantly when Chanyoung left a meaningful message on social media.
The post contained a hint that it seemed as if Gyeoreum was having an affair with Chanyoung.
Although SS responded, the burning fire could not be stopped.
There were a series of malicious comments and personal attacks against Gyeoreum on the Internet, and Chanyoung’s sasaeng fans sent threatening letters, messages, and committed feces terrorism to Gyeoreum.
He even went to Grandfather Winter’s workshop and caused a ruckus.
Even in that situation, Winter only worried about the damage to those around her.
The first thing I thought about was the feelings of the Alcest members who were pressured by their problems.
I apologized and apologized again.
That is, until they left a post on social media.
Their writings contained nuances of concern about winter, but also implied that winter had a profligate temperament in relationships between men and women.
It was a statement written with malicious intent to sting the winter while harboring the possibility of having a negative impact on oneself and the team.
Winter felt fear.
The relationship with the members of Alcest, bound by the name of the team, felt like an extremely heavy chain.
It felt like there was no one on his side anywhere in the world.
The news of my grandfather’s death at that time completely destroyed the winter.
From then on, whenever Winter heard laughter, it felt like everyone was laughing at her.
Everyone hated him.
He was a person who could not become friends with anyone.
She should never have been born.
Although I had to take strong antidepressants and sleeping pills prescribed by the hospital, I was able to fall asleep in the winter.
I thought about winter in a drugged, hazy mind.
‘I want to hear Teacher Taeyang’s voice.’
Winter took out his smartphone and entered Taeyang’s number, which he had sworn he would never forget.
It was already stored on dial 1, but I wanted to press it manually.
But I couldn’t press the call button.
Since my debut days, I have been calling Taeyang every time I get a chance, but he is not good at answering the phone.
Even if I did receive it occasionally, it ended with a short conversation and the words, ‘I’m busy right now, so I’ll call you back later.’
He joined the company as a road manager at a small agency and seemed to be leading a busier life than anyone else.
He said that there were times when he only slept 2 hours for 3 days in a row.
Winter became less and less in contact with Taeyang, fearing that he was disturbing Taeyang’s rest time as he continued his busy life.
Winter went on AllTube to promote the girl group that Taeyang debuted.
The original content, in which seven girls laugh and talk loudly, features those seven girls as the main characters.
However, because it was a small and medium-sized agency, Taeyang was seen taking on the role of MC, perhaps because there were not enough people.
Even though Taeyang was tickling, he ran harder than anyone else and took good care of them.
The seven girls accepted his consideration like children, as if they were happy about it.
‘i envy you.’
Winter was so envious of that appearance.
Winter imagined herself there.
It was the image of himself crying all the time, and Taeyang taking out the tissues he always carried and kindly wiping away his tears.
It was so sweet yet so faint that Winter just burst into tears.
***
[‘Fragment of the Future’ has been used!]
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