I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

What’s with this live stream-esque atmosphere?

No, this is a true f*cking live stream!

An Lin was stunned.

Atomic Bomb Fairy: “Enlightened Divine Talisman, how’s Daoist You Mu doing right now?”

The fatty in the live stream cracked a wide grin. “My master is in tip-top shape, of course!”

Crack Shot Clairvoyant: “When is the Heavenly Tribulation going to begin?”

“In around an hour,” the fatty on the screen replied.

The cultivators in the chat continued to interact with Enlightened Divine Talisman.

An Lin tapped open a tab on the live stream screen. There was a tip menu there, and the highest tip category was spirit stones.

So far, only Tian Lingling had tipped one spirit stone. Although this didn’t seem like much, the fatty was over the moon with joy.

An Lin pondered for a moment before choosing the one hundred spirit stones option.

Ding Dong!

“System notification: Fake Daoist Priest Little An has tipped 100 spirit stones.”

An azure dragon suddenly appeared on the screen, and spirit stones started raining down. Not only that, but everyone in the group chat was also automatically tagged. Cultivators started to enter the chat one after another, and they were all stunned by what they saw.

Golden Jade: “Holy f*ck! Sword Immortal An Lin has come!”

Tycoon An: “All hail Tycoon An!”

Dreamy Voice Fairy: “Good Lord! So much money!”

Domineering Saber Lord: “All bow down to the supreme leader!”

Calm Celestial Maiden: “Humph! How wasteful.”

Tian Lingling: “Haha, the true tycoon has appeared. It’s time for poor little me to stop posing as a wealthy person! Welcome to the chat, Tycoon An!”

Daoist Wooden Ox: “So generous! Only Tycoon An can tip one hundred spirit stones as if it were nothing. Accept my worship!”

Countless messages popped up in the group chat, and it was as if his screen was refreshing at a rapid rate.

Enlightened Divine Talisman was dazed for a few seconds. He rubbed his eyes in disbelief before shrieking, “Ah! Thank you for tipping one hundred spirit stones, Tycoon An! This is a wonderful surprise, I bloody love you! Senior, I’ve heard about all your marvelous exploits!”

Enlightened Divine Talisman danced around like a two-hundred-pound man-child. His eyes were squished into a squint, and his plain-colored daoist robe was jiggled around by his fat. He looked extremely thrilled.

An Lin smiled and sent a request over.

Fake Daoist Priest Little An: “Can I observe Daoist You Mu from a closer distance?”

Enlightened Divine Talisman was momentarily dazed upon hearing this. Then, he nodded his head firmly. “Of course! Master hasn’t started to undergo his Heavenly Tribulation yet. Observe all you want!”

How could he refuse a tycoon’s request? Even if An Lin wanted his body, he would still grudgingly accept his request. Besides, this request was so simple anyway!

Just like that, Enlightened Divine Talisman ran toward Daoist You Mu.

As the sect leader of the Shang Qing Immortal Sect, You Mu’s strength was profound, and he was also extremely mighty. No cultivator dared to go near him before his Heavenly Tribulation. They only dared to observe from a suitable distance.

Of course, his disciple, Enlightened Divine Talisman, was an exception.

“Master! Master! The cultivators of the ‘protect earth’ group chat want to observe you from a closer distance!” Enlightened Divine Talisman chuckled as he ran toward You Mu.

You Mu glanced at Enlightened Divine Talisman angrily. “Piss off! Read the mood of the situation, will you?!”

“But… But Tycoon An tipped us one hundred spirit stones!” Enlightened Divine Talisman shrunk back slightly, and he spoke in an upset tone.

Boom!

You Mu shuddered violently as if he had been struck by divine lightning.

There was a bright gleam in his eyes, and he roared, “Hurry up! Turn the camera toward me!”

Enlightened Divine Talisman: “…”

Group chat: “…”

Just like that, You Mu’s rugged face appeared on the screens of their phones. He even made peace signs with his hands in a show of respect. “Hey! Greetings to everyone in the group chat! Thank you all for your well-wishes. Also, thank you for your tip of one hundred spirit stones, Mr. An Lin. Alright, I won’t say anything else for now. I believe that I’ll definitely transcend the tribulation successfully!”

The cultivators in the group chat kept smashing the like button and sending through their well-wishes.

An Lin couldn’t help but grimace upon seeing this normal yet abnormal atmosphere.

Tian Lingling: “Senior You Mu, you’ll definitely succeed! I, Tian Lingling, have said this, and Di Ling Ling[1] also agrees with me. Our words will definitely ring true!”

Spirit Child Shi: “That’s right. Both heaven and earth are undergoing huge changes, and a new age is upon us. Senior You Mu will definitely be the first among us to transcend the Soul Formation Stage and break through to the Return to Void Stage!”

Crack Shot Clairvoyant: “Senior You Mu, I’ve just had a look at your fortunes. Your sign was one of great luck and imminent fortune!”

An Lin: “…”

Fake Daoist Priest Little An: “Senior You Mu, I’ve also had a look at your fortunes. You’ll definitely overcome all the obstacles and become the strongest cultivator on Earth!”

What fortune telling? Pffft… All he had to do was to just bullsh*t some praise. If You Mu really was struck to death by the Golden Void Lightning, no one would be able to blame An Lin anyway.

You Mu was all smiles as he read through the well-wishes. “Thank you all for your support and encouragement! I’m heading off to prepare now. Don’t forget to smash the like button when you see my handsome self defend against the Lightning Tribulation!”

An Lin: “…”

You Mu was almost about to face the terrifying Lightning Tribulation, yet he still didn’t forget about tips and likes… Was undergoing tribulations that exciting?

The cultivators in the chat all echoed their agreement. The atmosphere was especially lively.

Battle Goddess Bi Qiong couldn’t help but turn her gaze toward An Lin’s phone. She secretly started to watch the live stream.

She knew how to use mobile phones, yet she was contemptuous about using human technology. Thus, she didn’t join any cultivator chat or whatnot. Right now, however, she couldn’t contain her curiosity.

An hour quickly flew by.

Dark clouds gathered above the mountaintop, and golden lightning flashed through the sky.

“Look, Master is about to undergo his tribulation!” Enlightened Divine Talisman yelled in excitement. “You guys can help by smashing the like button and sending tips over. Amid the mystical unknown, your well-wishes will transform into a power that aids Master in defending against the tribulation!”

He stood one thousand meters away from You Mu, and he used his phone to capture the surrounding environment.

The cultivators in the chat responded by smashing the like button and sending over tips.

Golden Jade: “For every ten strikes of Lightning Tribulation that You Mu survives, I’ll tip one million yuan!”

The Savior: “For every ten strikes of Lightning Tribulation that You Mu survives, I’ll tip a luxury sports car!”

Tian Lingling: “For every ten strikes of Lightning Tribulation that You Mu survives, I’ll tip one spirit stone!”

…

One after another, the cultivators all expressed their support.

A brilliant smile bloomed on Enlightened Divine Talisman’s face as he read through the cultivators’ promises.

An Lin: “…”

Sure enough, there’s something wrong with this group chat!

Perhaps this tribulation was a relatively important one. White Spirit Snake, Bi Qiong, Battle God Zi Yang, Da Bai, and Xuanyuan Cheng all gathered around to witness this historic moment in Earth’s cultivation history.

“Little Bai, aren’t you a member of this group chat as well? Why aren’t you watching on your own phone?” An Lin was slightly confused.

“Senior An Lin’s phone is better! I like watching it on Senior An Lin’s phone!”

An Lin: “…”

Just like that, the group of extremely powerful and influential cultivators huddled around An Lin’s phone and stared intently at the live stream. This scene was comical yet natural.

Finally, the first bolt of Golden Void Lightning arced through the sky and crashed toward Daoist You Mu’s head.

Boom!

A deafening rumble reverberated throughout heaven and earth.

Even though they were watching it through a screen, the cultivators were still given a fright by the terrifying bolt of lightning.

A golden light filled the entire space.

Crack…

The phone’s screen flashed with a golden glow.

Then, the gold turned to black!

“What’s going on?” Battle Goddess Bi Qiong exclaimed in astonishment. “Why is it pitch-black? Is it a dark element Divine Lightning?”

An Lin: “…

“Silly girl, the live stream has lost connection!”

[1] Tian Lingling, Di Lingling is the phonetic spelling of an incantation/spell. It’s something like abracadabra.