I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

Translator: Henyee Translations  Editor: Henyee Translations

“Moo! Congratulations, Senior An Lin, on progressing in your cultivation base. I am honored to be your steed and to able to carry you as you conquer this world!”

“Ribbit! Senior An Lin absorbed the Kirin Blood Jade and bashed the Demonic Blood Kirin, thereby receiving the blessing of the heavens to instantly make a breakthrough! You are truly an almighty being, the likes of which the world has never seen before! Bad*ss!” The Divine Poison Frog was not sparing in the slightest with its word of praise.

An Lin couldn’t be bothered paying attention to these two clowns. He made his way toward the Demonic Blood Kirin before joining his hands in a grateful salute. “Thank you for giving me everything and helping me break through my bottleneck, Senior.”

The middle-aged man’s tears almost began to flow again upon hearing this.

“Don’t call me ‘Senior’.” The middle-aged man waved his hands in discomfort. “Just call me by my name.”

For some reason, he felt uncomfortable being referred to as “Senior” by An Lin.

Ever since his Kirin Blood Jade became An Kirin’s clothes, he couldn’t even bear to think about hurting An Lin. It was as if he had become An Lin’s woman…

The middle-aged man’s eyes suddenly widened, and his expression twisted as he drew a sharp intake of breath.

Woman? My f*cking a*s!

I’m a male Kirin!

In fear of being attacked, An Lin and Xu Xiaolan immediately pulled out their weapons upon seeing the middle-aged man’s twisted expression.

“Um, Senior, are you alright?” An Lin asked hesitantly.

“I told you not to call me ‘Senior’!” The veins on the middle-aged man’s forehead bulged. “Refer to me by my name!”

“Then your name is?” An Lin asked.

The middle-aged man calmed his surging emotions before replying, “My surname is Dongfang.”

Dongfang?

This was a human name!

An Lin nodded. “And what is your full name?”

The middle-aged man raised his head with a smug expression. “My name is Dongfang Zhuangshi.”

Everyone instantly fell silent.

Ao Niu’s eyes looked like they were about to bulge out of their sockets while the groundhog silently picked at its ears.

“Zhuang… Zhuangshi¹?” An Lin was doubting his ears.

“That’s right! It’s a great name, right? She gave me the name.” A gentle, reminiscent smile appeared on the middle-aged man’s face. “She said I was strong, stalwart, and full of vitality! The name Zhuangshi contained the purest, most simple emotions. It is perfect for my dao of life and extremely easy to remember and understand…”

An Lin’s lips twitched.

Xu Xiaolan’s face was bright red from trying to suppress her laughter.

Perfect for his dao of life, my a*s! This middle-aged man must have gotten swindled by some vixen!

What a f*cking down to earth name!

Dongfang Zhuangshi? My God, it’s certainly unique!

“Pffft! Ahahahaha… Ribbit!” The frog was the first to break as it roared with laughter.

Dongfang Zhuangshi’s expression immediately congealed as his terrifying killing intent swept forth toward the frog. “What are you laughing at?”

“Ribbit!” The frog’s laughter instantly faltered as it scrambled for an explanation to save its life. “Senior Dongfang, I wasn’t laughing at you. I suddenly thought of a joke, and I simply couldn’t help but laugh because it was so funny!”

“Heh, a joke? What joke? Why don’t you let me hear it?” Dongfang Zhuangshi asked in a cold voice.

The frog took a deep breath before speaking, “Once upon a time, there were two monsters who were bored, so they decided to experience human life. One of them transformed into a handsome man and the other transformed into a beautiful woman. The two of them met before falling in love with one another and getting married.

“In order to not blow their own cover, they made sure to age their appearance every day. After a hundred years, both of them were getting extremely disgruntled, and they kept thinking to themselves: why isn’t this old f*ck dead yet?!!!

“Hahaha… Isn’t that hilarious? Ribbit! Hahaha…”

The frog chortled with mirth as he prayed frantically in his heart. Laugh! Please all laugh!

Dongfang Zhuangshi remained expressionless as he turned toward An Lin and the others. “Was that joke funny?”

An Lin wanted to turn the page on this chapter, so he immediately laughed along. “It is pretty funny.”

But not as funny as your name…

Perhaps these people simply had a low amusement threshold? Dongfang Zhuangshi harrumphed coldly before changing the subject. “Now then, it’s time to talk about the Kirin Blood Jade that you’ve taken from me.”

An Lin and Xu Xiaolan’s expressions became quite grave upon hearing this. Was he finally going to make them pay for what they had done?

“Hey, don’t be like that.” A hint of loss and sadness welled up in Dongfang Zhuangshi’s face upon seeing An Lin’s expression, as if he were a pet that was being rejected by his owner.

“I’m a cultured person, so I’m only going to reason with you!” A gentle smile appeared on Dongfang Zhuangshi’s face.

An Lin was slightly taken aback upon hearing this.

What was there to talk about?

It was quite apparent that An Lin had wronged him here… He would probably feel better if Dongfang Zhuangshi tried to kill him. Instead, Dongfang Zhuangshi proposed a placid conversation, which was quite disconcerting…

“Alright, Uncle Dongfang, tell me what you want to say.” An Lin decided to see what Dongfang Zhuangshi’s intentions were. In any case, it would just come down to a fight if worse came to worst.

Oh, right, Dongfang Zhuangshi couldn’t attack him. This was quite a critical point and was probably the reason why he wanted to talk.

He couldn’t fight a physical war, but he could still initiate a war of words!

With an earnest expression, Dongfang Zhuangshi said, “An Lin, I’m going to be honest here. I’ve discovered that I can’t live without you.”

An Lin: “…”

Xu Xiaolan’s eyelids twitched.

“Uncle Dongfang, please finish your sentence all at once to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings,” An Lin urged with a dark expression.

Dongfang Zhuangshi nodded. “Alright, this is the situation. The Kirin Blood Jade is the manifestation of my essence. It is essentially the entire me, aside from my sentient will.

“The person standing before you right now is a manifestation of the Demonic Blood Kirin’s sentient will. I am like a flame with no source, and I need to constantly be with my body, or I will cease to exist.”

The middle-aged man pressed his hands on An Lin’s shoulders with a scorching expression as he continued, “Hence, I can’t leave your side, An Lin. Let me stay by your side. You took my Kirin Blood Jade, so you should take responsibility, isn’t that the logic?”

An Lin’s chest constricted upon hearing this. Take responsibility? My a*s! Do you think you’re a beautiful Celestial Maiden? It’s disgusting having a grown man follow you around every day!

Xu Xiaolan massaged her brows with an exhausted expression. How had things become like this? The middle-aged man’s words were a little suggestive, but they were extremely reasonable!

They would probably be the antagonists here if they rejected him!

“Then… Do you have to constantly stay with me?” An Lin was developing a headache.

COMMENT

Dongfang Zhuangshi: “I know what you’re worried about, but don’t worry. I only need to absorb energy from you at intervals, so I don’t have to stay by your side all the time.

“During this period of time, I will do my best to recover my strength and reconstruct a mythological beast body. The day my mythological beast body takes shape is the day I will be able to live independently and also the day that I will be able to leave you!”

An Lin heaved a forlorn sigh. There wasn’t really any other way, so he could only nod in agreement.

Thus, a weird middle-aged man became a member of An Lin’s party.