I Might Be A Fake Cultivator

Never would Strong Grass An have thought that he would be uprooted one day.

He had endured infinite torture and fought so hard to become stronger. Just when he was about to make a breakthrough, he was being plucked away as an ingredient for soup?!

No!!!

How could the gods do this to him?

I refuse to accept this!

I won’t die like this!

An Lin was on the brink of mental breakdown.

Being ravaged relentlessly was not the cruelest form of torture. What was much crueler was having hope after being ravaged for so long, only for a god-like creature to descend from the sky and snuff out all of that hope.

A psychological blow like this was enough to break the strongest of resolutions.

An Lin was still howling in despair, but no one was going to notice the grief and indignation of a blade of grass.

A middle-aged man held the grass in his hand and hurried home with an elated expression.

An Lin was tossed into a basket, in which there were a few vegetable companions who had evidently suffered the same fate as he did.

He was then brought into a small cottage.

“You’re back, Daddy! What delicious food did you pick this time?” A little girl in plain and simple garments skipped out before jumping onto the middle-aged man and giving him a massive hug.

“Heh, Little Qin, I picked a very big and strong blade of grass today! I’m going to cook something delicious for you tonight!” The middle-aged man held the little girl in his arms with a warm smile.

“Yay! Daddy is the best!” the little girl yelled excitedly.

The middle-aged man smiled. “Have you been cultivating and studying hard today?”

“I have! Mommy even praised me!” The little girl spoke in a tender voice, “She said I was conscientious and picked things up very quickly…”

Within the neighboring room, a pretty woman was busy sewing some clothes.

“Welcome back.” A warm smile appeared on her face.

“Leave that for now, Little Shuang. Let’s go cook.” The middle-aged man placed the basket onto the table with a proud smile on his face. “We’ve got a massive haul today, so let’s have a feast!”

An Lin looked around at the vegetable comrades around him. How was this a feast? There wasn’t even any meat here. Was this a vegetarian feast?

He came to a shocking realization after a moment.

Cook?

Holy f*ck! Were they going to cook him?!

The woman made her way over to the basket, and her hand flew to her mouth in shock at the sight of An Lin. “Oh my God! What a huge blade of grass! It looks absolutely delicious!”

An Lin: “???”

“You’re so awesome, hubby!” The woman gave the middle-aged man an excited peck on the cheek. “I’m definitely going to make this blade of grass more delicious than the most delectable meat in this world!”

“Hahaha… That would be fantastic for vegetarians like us.” The middle-aged man chuckled with a smug expression. “All living beings were made equal. We’ve always lived by and upheld this mantra, so this blade of grass must be a gift to us from the heavens!”

An Lin almost threw up a mouthful of blood. All living beings were made equal? Did that mean they didn’t view him as a living being? Were they looking down on Strong Grass An?!

I’m a living being too, so why are you eating me?!

If you want true equality, then sustain yourselves through photosynthesis!

An Lin was still fuming with rage when the woman hummed a happy tune to herself before chopping An Lin up into sections on a chopping board.

An Lin almost fainted from the pain of being sliced into pieces.

He saw his own body being put into a frying pan, and he felt an excruciating pain that was even more terrifying than being sliced up shot through his entire body. There was no way to experience just how painful it was to be sliced up and fried unless one experienced it first-hand.

Almost every inch of his skin cracked open within the frying pan.

An Lin was howling in agony, and his consciousness slowly blurred.

Was this going to be the end of his life as a blade of grass?

He then felt himself being picked up by a spatula and placed into a plate.

An Lin: “???”

He still wasn’t dead?

Oh my God!

What the actual f*ck?!

An Lin was about to go insane. He was literally fully-cooked! How was he not dead?

He must’ve won the grass genetic lottery to have a body like this!

Hold on…

An Lin recalled his efforts to make himself more powerful day by day. The only reason why his body was so powerful, to the extent that even being cooked wouldn’t kill him, was all because he had strived so hard to become stronger…

An Lin instantly wept tears of grief. He had brought all of this upon himself!

He was placed onto the dining table.

Three vegetarians were looking at him while trying to suppress their drool.

“Mommy… This grass smells really good.” Little Qin smacked her lips.

Her mother looked at her with a warm smile. “You’ve been a really good girl today. You can have the grass as your reward!”

“Yay! Thank you, Mommy!” Little Qin whooped with excitement.

An Lin shuddered upon hearing this.

“No… Don’t eat me…

“I’m just a blade of grass, and I’m still alive… Why would you eat me…”

An Lin was begging for his life in complete despair.

He didn’t dare to imagine what it would feel like to be eaten.

However, he knew that his beseeching cries were all in vain. No one could hear him, and he was going to die in excruciating pain and despair.

The little girl reached for An Lin with her chopsticks, but her movements suddenly faltered.

“Mommy…” The little girl’s eyes widened with incredulity. “The grass on the plate is speaking to me!”

An Lin: “!!!”

An awkward silence ensued.

An Lin felt as if he had been thrown a lifejacket, and he immediately began to yell, “You’re right! I’m speaking right now, and I’m still alive! I beg of you, please don’t eat me!”

“What nonsense is this child spouting?” The middle-aged man’s brows furrowed slightly.

“Little Qin, are you being serious right now?” The woman turned to her with a solemn expression.

The little girl nodded. “I am! The little grass told me that it was still alive and that we can’t eat it.”

An Lin was moved to the point of tears upon hearing this.

My God! There was finally someone who could hear him! He wouldn’t have to be eaten now!

He immediately expressed his gratitude toward the little girl.

Little Qin continued, “The little grass is thanking us for not eating it.”

The woman’s expression became even more solemn. “There appears to be something wrong with our child.”

The middle-aged man’s expression was equally as grave. “We should take her to the mental hospital tomorrow. Something most likely went wrong with her cultivation…”

An Lin’s eyes widened with incredulity.

“Waah… I’m not insane!” The little girl was on the brink of tears and immediately devoured An Lin, as if she was trying to prove her sanity.

Thus, An Lin was picked up by the little girl before being eaten.

His body was being ground down frantically by the little girl’s teeth.

If he had to describe this feeling, it was like being put into a mincer, except that his five senses still remained intact…

Words could not describe this type of pain.

That’s right, An Lin was still eaten by the little girl after all that!

The heavens seemed to thoroughly enjoy pranking him. He was always given a little bit of hope before being tortured…

Heh, f*ck this world…