How to Raise Your Regressor

⟦Congratulations.⟧

Huh, this dungeon is quite progressive, isn't it?

Not only does it welcome a challenger with open (metaphorical) arms, it also congratulates them when they clear it.

However, there's no point in being congratulated for clearing something if you aren't at the top.

Unless we're talking about terminal cancer. Then yea, the lower the stage you are at, the better.

⟦You've cleared the 1-star dungeon, 'The Exalt's Memories'.⟧

Aight, no need to remind that this is just a mere 1-star dungeon. Bruh.

⟦You've also created a world record for the fastest clearing time. Congratulation.⟧

Now that's what I'm talking about.

⟦Please input a name.⟧ With that, a keyboard appeared on the system screen.

Hmm, what should I use?

'Xx_Cool_gamer_xX'?

'Ifuckedyourmum69'?

'ggTOOez420'?

Nah, let's keep it simple.

And so, I pressed the required keys.

⟦S-a-n-backspace-m-u-r-6-6-6⟧

⟦Are you sure you want to use Samur666 as your name?⟧

Is that a joke?

I clicked on 'Yes'.

⟦Congratulation for setting a world record, Samur666.⟧

Below that message was a… leaderboard?

Wut?

❄️❄️❄️

NAME                          CLEAR TIME

Samur666                  08:59:69

Azell                            11:48:09

Xx_Cool_gamer_xX    27:18:78

❄️❄️❄️

Someone actually used 'Xx_Cool_gamer_xX'. Nice.

There were others below us, but I and Azell were at the top of the leaderboard, which also means that the Protagonist X whose existence I had considered merely to be on the safe side actually exists.

And that Protagonist X is Azell.

I guess fate really has dictated him to be a Protagonist.

I scrolled down the leaderboard. At the very bottom was a guy with the name 'How_is_this_a_1_star_dungeon' and had a clear time for 14 days.

F for the dodgy wanker.

My name at the top of the leaderboard aside, I wonder how Azell will react when he learns that I broke his record by around 3 minutes.

This should be enough for me to qualify for the 4-star dungeon Azell was talking about.

However, I'm sure that he does not want to take me with him because the dungeon would be dangerous and I'm just a child and other such generic bullshit used to tie down children.

Which would be smart decision making on his part.

Children should be tied down because they are stupid. I've been a witness to a lot of deaths which could have been avoided just by firmly holding the child.

What pisses me off more is that the adults around the child do not blame him because he's just a child.

I mean, excuse me. Child or not, his stupidity just cost the life of a man/woman who probably had dreams, ideals, a family to go back to. You can't just write it off like that.

What if I was the one who had done something that stupid? Oh, then I would be the asshole because someone died because of me and I should've known better.

Fucking racists. I hope they all burn in hell with those children.

I swear to God had I known that children are such fucking idiots when I was the Origin, I would have made sure that children would not exist. Women could just push out fully grown adults or whatever.

Which would have been incredibly painful, but I could have solved that by implanting a fucking space distortion in their wombs. That would have given the uterus enough space to house three fully grown adults yet still allow the mother to have a zero figure.

Hmm, perhaps it is time I-

"You… you really did it!" Neia's exclamation from behind brought me back from my reveries.

"Thank you. I mean it."

If not for her, I just might have turned into a child killer.

"W-what?"

"Nothing."

"Oh. Whatever." She shook her head. "I can't believe this. You really did it."

Expand your vocabulary, Neia.

"What, did you actually think I could not? Your sheer distrust in me has hurt me, Neia." My head drooped.

"I-I didn't mean it that way! I, uh, I-"

"Haha, calm down, I was just joking."

This woman needs to learn to take a joke.

"You were?"

"Of course. In the first place, it would have been weird for you to believe that I, a 12-year-old child, could set a world record."

"Haha, yeah…" She laughed a bit nervously.

"Also, you were right about that rumour. There was a guy who cleared this dungeon in half an hour."

"Really? What's your time?"

"8 minutes 59 seconds."

"Seriously?!"

I barely made the sub 9-minute mark.

"Uh-huh."

"That's impressive. I'm proud of you." She patted my shoulder as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

Why is she acting like the mother bidding farewell to her son who is leaving home for college? I don't remember giving her that privilege.

"Is it that impressive? You could easily complete this dungeon within 5 minutes."

She's a motherfucking Dragon; she could blow this whole dungeon away within seconds.

Hmm, but would that count as clearing the dungeon? I mean, by destroying the dungeon she would also destroy its core. Would the System consider it a valid dungeon clearing attempt?

Different systems would handle this in different ways. Perhaps I should ask Neia to do exactly that so that I can narrow down the Dungeon System this world uses.

"About that… I cannot." Neia replied with a derisive sigh.

"Wait, what?"

She can't be serious about that- ah.

"I actually can't use any type of attack or defence magic."

"What about your signature Dragon breath?"

"It only heals those I fire it on."

Wut?

"What about your claws and fangs?"

"They are strong, but for some reason, whenever I use them to attack, the attacks just don't land. It's like some higher power is interfering."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously." She sighed as her eyes drooped.

"Wow."

My oh fucking my.

I came here looking for Copper but actually found Strange Matter.

"I know, it is…"

"Fucking amazing!"

"Really pathetic."

"What?"

"What?"

We both looked at each other in stupefaction for some moments.

"Did you just call it pathetic?"

"And did you just call it amazing?" Her brows creased into a frown.

"Of course! What else could it be?"

"I have practically zero attacking power making me absolutely useless in a battle, and you think that's amazing?"

Wut?

"First of all, everyone has different roles in a battle, so your inability to attack does not make you useless because it is compensated for by your superb healing capabilities."

"Ah, yes, everyone says that." She rolled her eyes.

"Second, your condition means you are almost at your apotheosis."

"What?" She furrowed her brows.

"You, Neia, have the potential to be the Dragon God."