How to Raise Your Regressor

"I have decided!" Voloha suddenly stood up. "I'm taking you to the castle with me!"

What the (and I cannot stress this enough) fuck?

"Ms. Voloha, putting everything aside, just tell me how you reached that conclusion."

The jump she took to arrive at that conclusion would probably be larger than the leap I'd have to take from the room temperature to her IQ.

I mean, take me to the castle?

"It's to protect you." She replied with unwavering eyes.

"From what?"

"From everything."

She'll drag me to the castle so that she could protect me from everything? What's next, locking me inside a room because the outside world is too dangerous for me?

What is she, an agent of the Eckart Family?

The level of denseness in her thought process is going to cause a fucking singularity in this room.

"Such as? Give me an example."

"Your family."

"Well, as long as you keep your mouth shut, my family would never find out that I'm still alive."

"Their reach is far greater than what you can imagine." She scoffed. "Sooner or later, they would find out that you're not dead."

Oh, nice.

"I'm more than capable of handling them by myself. Besides, I have my guild with me."

⟦⟦Imagine if your family came for you and instead of providing help, Azell said something like, 'I'm sorry about this, but yea, I'm not risking our lives for you' and stabbed you in your fucking back?⟧⟧

…

Will you shut up, man?

Wait, wouldn't that give me an incentive to die?

I mean, hunted down by my family and betrayed by my comrades; wouldn't that be a good reason to give up on my life?

⟦⟦Bro please, go see a therapist. You seriously need one.⟧⟧

[No.]

I believe we've already discussed this issue. Anyway.

"That's right." Noelle interjected. "Samur is a part of the New Dawn Guild. And no one touches a member of the New Dawn Guild." Her tone in the last part was particularly cold.

[Well, seems like at least Noelle would stay on my side.]

⟦⟦Which is worse.⟧⟧

[Yea. As long as she's there, I cannot die.]

Huh, I probably need to do something about her obsession one of these days.

Time for a 1000 IQ play to make her hate me.

⟦⟦Bonus points if she squeezes the life out of you with her own hands.⟧⟧

[Well-]

⟦⟦Just like Lecia.⟧⟧

[You motherfucker.]

Perhaps I should develop some time bending abilities to make it so that the fiasco with Lecia never happened.

⟦⟦But I would still remember it.⟧⟧

[Start counting your days then.]

⟦⟦Holy fuck, you'd seriously kill me over a measly joke?⟧⟧

[I'd sell your soul for a corn chip so what the fuck are you talking about?]

⟦⟦Wao.⟧⟧

Anyway, about Noelle.

Perhaps I could play the part of the 'Corrupted Hero'; the normal, kind guy who slowly descends into madness because, I dunno, someone ate his ice cream or something?

⟦⟦Just tell them that you never moved on from the trauma of your family.⟧⟧

[That works just as well.]

In fact, I could one day slaughter my family and become an internationally wanted criminal. Then I'd manipulate the New Dawn Guild into hunting me down.

They'll probably try to make me give myself up and accept punishment, but I obviously won't and a fight would ensue. During the fight, I would accidentally (Narrator: By which he means deliberately) penetrate someone with my sword.

I'll do that right in front of Noelle and show no remorse for my actions, thus making her believe that I was too far gone so that she would end my pathetic life for my own good.

Ez peezy lemon squeezy.

⟦⟦Who would you kill though?⟧⟧

[Lecia sounds like the easiest target; at least easier than a Regressor, a Dragon and an Ancient Vampire.]

My actions would probably traumatise Noelle for life but hey, that's a small price to pay for some peace of mind.

"Samur?"

Oh shit, I forgot I was actually a part of a completely nonsensical conversation.

"Yes, yes, I'm here."

"You suddenly zoned out." It was Voloha who had interrupted my reveries.

"I was thinking about something. Anyway, you were saying?"

"I was saying that whatever the New Dawn Guild can do, I can do it better. I'm the Princess of this nation."

That's… a fair point, actually.

Hmm, but what would she do about the political backlash? The Eckart Ducal family would never let her shelter me without any repercussions.

In the worst-case scenario, the growing tensions could divide the ruling faction into two and start a civil war.

Which, while pretty amusing, won't be the most ideal situation.

"Why are you so obsessed with me?"

Let's try attacking her from a different angle.

I swear to god though, these types of situations are becoming really repetitive and boring. If this was a novel, I would have dropped it a long time ago.

"You saved me once. I'm just trying to return the favour."

"Oh please, you are exaggerating. I just kept you company for some time. That can hardly be called 'saving' you."

"Maybe, but for me back then, someone's company was what I needed the most." She smiled. "That is all that matters."

Wow, she's using my own subjectivity argument against me.

What is this, an intellectual conversation?

I was not ready for this type of maturity.

"Aww…"

What kind of romantic delusions are you having, Noelle?

For the nth time in this life, 'This has become more trouble than it's worth'.

Good grief.

"I see. Then let's do this." I put my hand in front of Azell. "A coin, please."

"Hmm?" He raised his eyebrows, but handed me a gold coin nonetheless.

On one side of the coin a crown was engraved, while on the other side was the etching of what seemed to be minerals.

Which one of these is the head though?

"Here's this coin. If it lands on Heads, I'll go with you. Otherwise, I'll stay with this Guild."

"What-"

Before Voloha could protest, I flicked the coin up in the air.

⟦⟦Are you really leaving it up to chance?⟧⟧

[Why not?]

⟦⟦Probably because it's something that will affect your life?⟧⟧

[Deciding which path my life will go down based on mere probability sounds amusing, wouldn't you say?]

⟦⟦Perhaps, but…⟧⟧

[If you interfere, I'll take that as a breach of our agreement and do everything in my power to eliminate you. And I'm sure you know what happens when I do something while using my capabilities to their full extent.]

I'm a man of focus, commitment and sheer fucking will.

⟦⟦Wao, diplomacy's dead, huh?⟧⟧

[The choice is ultimately yours.]

⟦⟦Well, a fight till death with the First Being sounds really exciting, but I want to maintain my role as the Reader, so I'll pass.⟧⟧ He shrugged.

[A smart choice.]

⟦⟦Just like you like it.⟧⟧

Heh.

The coin went up while spinning. Following the laws of gravity- wait.

Ting came the sound as the coin hit the ceiling and went off in a random direction.

Okay, so following the laws of gravity, law of conservation of momentum as well as the law of action-reaction, the coin came back to the ground.

Because it had hit the ceiling and went off in a random direction, the coin, instead of landing on my hand, landed behind Noelle.

As Noelle was standing behind the sofa and the coin landed behind her, we were unable to see the outcome.

"What is it?" I asked.

Let's see where my gamble would take us.

"It is… Tails." She replied with a sigh of relief.

"Nooooo!" Voloha groaned.

⟦⟦Hahahahahahahahaha!⟧⟧ While the wanker laughed.

But why?

⟦⟦I hadn't expected this but…⟧⟧

[But?]

⟦⟦Noelle lied.⟧⟧

Oh my.