How to Raise Your Regressor

"From now on, you're my elder brother."

Well, well, well. If it isn't the consequences of my own actions.

"You want me as your brother?"

"Yes."

"Why? What is wrong with you?"

What do you mean you want the man who killed your family to be your older brother?

Her thought processes are seriously out of the norm. Right now, what she needs is a psychiatrist, not a brother.

"You don't want to be my brother?"

"I just believe there are several candidates who are more suited for the position than me. With your permission, I could prepare a document listing their names, achievements and my personal thoughts on why they'd do good as your brother. Then-"

"Yup, you don't want to be my brother." A smile beamed on her face.

The little Shadowlord's definitely up to no good.

"Well, you know, I just think I'm not the best choice."

"It seems you really hate the idea of being related to me." Her smile got wider.

I mean, who'd want to act like the brother of a girl they killed the family of?

I guess someone who accidentally took away her family and out of guilt, wanted to 'reimburse' her by giving her a new family in the form of himself.

Shit.

Next time, I'll make sure to personally bury everyone so that I don't get orphans asking to be my little sisters.

"'Hate' is too strong of a word. If I had to say it-"

"I have decided." She once again cut me off. "Being my brother is your punishment."

Wow.

I know I said, 'No more suicide jokes', but this definitely makes me want to drink cyanide and jump off a cliff because that is infinitely better than having to take care of a little wanker.

"I can't see any sense behind your decision, but to each their own, I guess."

It's not like I have any other choice (except for death).

Besides, she never specified what type of elder brother she wanted me to be. So, let's just say, I'm going to give her the full experience of an unloved 7th step child.

"Perfect." Her smile softened as her eyes moistened once again.

Her smile slowly and agonisingly turned into a flat line as drops after drops fell down her cheek.

Good grief.

Now then, what would be the right thing to do?

Should I just ask her to 'Fuck off' to show her exactly what type of brother I intend to be, or should I act like a proper brother and soothe her?

Or maybe, I can go for the Big D play and do the long con.

In fact, making her give up on me by herself sounds more amusing than just ignoring her.

Aight, let's do that.

"Now, now, come here." I beckoned to her and she complied.

The first step is to create a relationship with a certain distance between us. Something where we are not too close, but not too far apart either.

Operation 'Make Clementine give up on me' officially begins.

"You did well holding it in till now." I patted her head after she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!" She burst out into tears and buried her face into my chest.

Her hiccups and sniffles continued resounding inside that room as I kept caressing her head.

❄️ ❄️ ❄️

"Have you calmed down now?"

"Yes, thank you." She sniffled. "And sorry."

"No need to be. This is what brothers are for, no?"

Wow, that line sure was cheesy.

"You've already accepted your role? Aww, that's no fun."

What kinda fun do you want, Clementine?

"It's not like I have any other choice." I shrugged.

"Tch, you're boring."

Did she just click her tongue? Why do I feel like she wants to be the mean little sister who pesters her brother for everything?

Does she not know what mean little sisters get?

They get their spines broken after their brothers practice wrestling moves on them as a form of revenge.

"What can I say?"

Except go fuck yourself.

"Yeah, right." She giggled. "You should sleep now. You still need rest."

"How magnanimous of you."

"See you later." She waved and turned around to walk towards the door.

However, for the second time today, she stopped in her tracks.

Without looking back (once again), she asked, "What you said earlier. Was it true?"

"My 'Meaningless Montage'?"

"Yes."

Hot damn, she took that joke too seriously. Show some emotional maturity, Clementine.

"I honestly have no idea."

"What does that even mean?" She scoffed and once again turned back to me.

"Just that. The only one who has the right to decide whether what happened to Dynogaur was meaningless or not is himself. In the same way, you are the only one who gets to decide whether your relationship with him has any worth."

"Is that really how it works?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Of course. The concept of 'meaning' itself is subjective. It was Dynogaur who wished to die, and it was Dynogaur who died. It was about him from the very beginning, so who are we to decide whether that was pointless or not? If those events were fulfilling for him, then fulfilling they shall be."

Reality itself is subjective, so why can't our perceptions of it be the same?

It's like how an infant would look at a diamond and think nothing of it because the diamond does not make for a good toy. However, adults would kill for that diamond.

Which just shows how dumb babies are.

"I see. That makes sense." Her lips curled into a smile. "Thank you."

"Think nothing of it."

"It's not 'nothing'! You just gave meaning to the life I had lived so far!"

Wut?

"I just gave you a new perspective. You were the one who gave it a meaning."

"It's the same thing, duh!"

"Whatever."

As I always say: To each their own.

"Take the compliment!"

"No."

To accept the compliment is to take responsibility for my words.

And the first rule of living a happy life is to never take responsibility for your actions.

"Argh, why are you like this!"

"Who knows."

"Change yourself."

"I like myself the way I am. Now if you'll excuse me, I want to rest."

This entire back and forth has been pretty exhausting, to say the least.

Time to take a trial of death I mean sleep like a normal person.

"I'll make sure to fix you."

"All the best."

Far better 'beings' than her have tried, yet all of them had no choice but to kneel before me.

"Sleep well." She slammed the door behind her as she left.

Now, as tempting as it sounds, I need to do one more thing before I can sleep.

I need to wipe out my memories.