How to Raise Your Regressor

Now that Azell's nefarious plans to prevent me from killing myself have been foiled, let's move on to more productive things, like having a good night's sleep.

That sounds so much worse when I actually say it out loud in my mind.

"So yea, just ignore Azell. Like, killing oneself is something only cowards do."

Just in! Samur Eckart is the world's biggest coward, confirmed.

"Then…" her gaze strangely focused on me. "Are you a coward? Or are you brave?"

"I'm not sure how courageous I am, but I'm definitely not a coward," I shrugged.

Just in! Samur Eckart is the world's biggest liar confirmed- oh wait, I think everyone already knows that.

Hmm, no, not 'everyone'.

The more precise statement would be that 'everyone who has talked to me for more than 7 minutes knows that I'm a liar'.

Which means I'm actually a pretty shit liar.

…

Damnit.

Oh wait, my conversation with Jennifer has already crossed the 7-minute mark, but she still hasn't realised that I'm deceiving her.

Maybe I'm not that bad of a liar. Nice.

"By the way, I was also told that you are a pathological liar."

Azell, you fucking piece of shit!

God-fucking-damnit, I thought Azell was just half-heartedly trying to stop me, or put the fear of God in me. But no, the man is on a goddamn mission.

"Of course, you were. So, what do you make of it?"

"Not much, really. I'm the type that arrives at my own conclusions."

"So, you are the 'seeing is believing' type."

She might as well just write 'dumbfuck' on her forehead.

"Not exactly," Jennifer shook her head. "Think of it like this. When someone tells me something, I first keep it in my mind without believing or disbelieving it."

Oh?

"So until you find something that either proves or disproves what you've been told, you do not allow it to greatly affect the decisions you make."

"Something like that, yes."

Nice.

Because as long as I play my cards right, fooling this mamacita will be easy.

"That is precisely why," Jennifer continued with a smile, "I'm starting to believe Azell."

Wut? Azell's words seem even more believable to her now?

How in the holy heck did she arrive at that conclusion? What the fuck?

Is she a bigger dumbass than Lecia or what?

"What do you mean by that?"

Let's ask the big gurl herself.

"I just told you, didn't I? I do not fully believe something until I've been given proof."

Hmm?

"Don't tell me that my little performance in trying to give you my head to apologise is the proof you needed to believe Azell's words?"

To think she would pull this shit right after telling me that she has a better sense of humour than Azell.

And I thought I was the psychopathic liar.

"It's a small part of it," she smiled.

A 'small' part?

Ahhhhhh, I see. So that's where these fuckers are going with this.

"If that was just a part, what is the whole?"

I already know, but let's confirm it just to be on the safe side.

"It's simple," Jennifer seemed to be enjoying this. "You see, I was told some more things about you."

Just as I expected.

"And those… things are?"

"He told me exactly how you would act once confronted."

"I suppose I acted just like how he predicted I would."

"Not exactly, but you were pretty damn close," Jennifer smiled bemusedly.

Boy oh boy.

Looks like I was wrong about Azell. He wasn't trying to be a smartass; he WAS a smartass.

Azell revealed my suicidal tendencies to Jennifer because he knew that once out of the New Dawn Guild's sights, I would, for a lack of better term, go out of control.

He also anticipated that Jennifer will not fully trust his words because one, the existence of a suicidal teenager who would go any lengths to kill himself is hard to believe and two, Jennifer's personality.

So, Azell devised a cunning plan.

He knew that sooner or later, I would try to end, so he asked Jennifer to keep an eye on me.

And he also knew that I would try to lie my way out if I was caught red-handed by her.

So, all he had to do was predict how I would manipulate Jennifer and prepare her for a counterattack.

Yes, Jennifer was trained not to defend herself, but to attack me.

And she did just that.

She baited me as per Azell's instructions, and by conducting myself similar to how Azell told her I would, I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

Thus, I showed that, at the very least, I'm an extremely manipulative pathological liar.

My suicidal tendencies might still be up for debate, but since I have already proven that I'm a a conniving liar, Jennifer is more likely to believe Azell than me.

So all in all, I was epic pranked.

Wow.

I initially thought that Azell told her those things because he wanted to scare me or something, but no.

This entire fiasco was a fucking coordinated assault. He saw through me like I was the wet shirt of the FMC of a hentai and masterfully laid out a trap to corner me.

This is the work of a seasoned veteran. It's almost like Azell has been very well trained to handle situations like these.

Holy shit.

Though, in my defence, I did think it a bit weird that Jennifer agreed so easily with me, but I thought nothing of it and jumped into the trap.

"As expected, you seem to have figured everything out," Jennifer's eyes squinted in pleasure.

The dodgy guild leader seems to be enjoying this.

"Well, I don't know," I shrugged. "I might still be dancing on the palm of your hands."

"Azell's hands, you mean."

"You know what I mean."

Azell might have been the one who planned everything out, but it was Jennifer who put it into motion.

Her performance is commendable.

In fact, it's entirely possible that her little act of being annoyed with me for being late was actually her own little trap to get me to try and take my life.

Doing so might seem difficult on the surface, of course, but it becomes much easier once you learn everything about your target, because that allows you to predict their actions much more precisely.

And Jennifer did just that.

In other words, I was jebaited by both Azell and Jennifer.

This is gonna be a yikes from me.

"I do not, unfortunately," she gave me a knowing smirk.

"Right," I couldn't help but sigh.

Today sure has been wild.

Well, it's yesterday + today, to be more precise (Lecia was kidnapped yesterday, after all), but hey.

Oh well, there's nothing that can be done about that.

Jennifer went back to her seat and said, "You underestimated Azell too much, that's why you lost."

Hmmm…

"It would be more apt to say that I let my guard down."

Which, I suppose, is only natural given the plans I have made for my death.

"You let your guard down because you underestimated him."

"Well, you could also say that," I shrugged. "No one is infallible, after all. But hey, as long as one learns from their mistakes, it's all kosher."

I'm not the type to get hung up on my mistakes, because that's the same as taking responsibility for my actions.

And I never do that.

I'll just forget about it because that's how shit my memory is.

"So, you are admitting that Azell's evaluation of you is correct?" She asked as she leaned back into her chair.

"Not exactly."

"Hmm, I wasn't told that you were a sore loser," she chuckled.

Huh, I suppose my words could be taken that way.

There might be an opportunity for a play here.

"Probably because Azell himself wasn't aware."

"Right, right, which means that even Azell might be wrong about you," she rolled her eyes. "That won't work with me."

That isn't the direction I was trying to go in, though, but it just supports my original goal so let's roll with it.

It's better if she believes that even if the outside is an absolute monster, on the inside, I'm still just a kid who cannot accept that he lost.

"I wasn't even trying to do that," I said with just a slight hint of crassness in my tone.

Normal people might not pick up on it, but Jennifer should.

"Oh, I'm sorry, then," she giggled.

Mission complete.

"Well, whatever. It's pretty late so why don't you show me to my room?"

"You want me to personally escort you to your room?"

"It's up to you. You can either do it yourself, or just order someone else. I'm fine with either."

"Hmph, you're no fun," she pouted coyly.

Says the woman who just manipulated me. Fucking asshole.

Don't worry, I'll have my revenge.

Hmm, now that I think about it, the list of people I need to prank just keeps on growing. What is this, a prank youtube channel?

Seriously though, this is quite possibly one of the top 10,000 lives in terms of the rate of increase of people I 'need' to prank.

This life is wild.

Anyway.

"I'm just a suicidal guy. How can I be fun?"

That's a totally inaccurate statement, by the way. Depressed, suicidal nihilists are some of the most fun guys to be around.

Granted, they don't stay around for long because, you know, they are suicidal, but it's fun while it lasts.

Or more like, they are fun while they last.

Haha, gottem.