How to Raise Your Regressor

Something went seriously wrong during the course of this fiasco; at the very least, this wasn't supposed to turn into a life lesson, goddamnit.

And now that I think about it, this whole debacle has actually gone on for too long.

My original plan was to allow Tristan to successfully kidnap Lecia, use my new drone to save her while pinning the responsibility on Azell (because I never own up to my actions), then quickly own Lecia in a short argument for an ez gg.

But I failed right on the second step. My drone was destroyed before it got the chance to demonstrate its abilities.

The drone that was supposed to be today's MVP was met with a horrifying end at the hands of those vicious bastards.

And as if that wasn't enough to rend my heart, the next problem came up while saving Lecia, in the form of Tristan.

That man turned out to be more amusing than I expected, so I ended up wasting a lot of time pranking that big gurl.

Then there was this argument. I was going to any % speedrun showing Lecia her place, but she brought backup in the form of Azell and Neia, which made my mind automatically come up with even better ideas for my epic prank. I wasted even more time because of that.

All in all, it's all the fault of my poor planning and easily distracted nature I mean this happened SOLELY because of Lecia, Azell and Tristan.

My life would be so much easier if only these bitches weren't here. Just what crimes did I commit in my past 150+ million lives to end up with these wankers?

Sed.

Time to commit suicide I mean time to finish this and move on to do some more productive things, like dying I mean starting the exchange program.

Oh my God, I was supposed to go to the Old Blood Guild as an exchange member today. Fuck, I almost forgot.

Whatever, I'll go tomorrow.

Anyway.

"You are capable of admitting your faults?" I appeared surprised, because I was. "Wow."

"…" Lecia frowned, then took a deep breath. "Putting aside your manner of saying it, what you said is right. I don't know when, but… I think I gave up on myself."

Yup, something went really wrong somewhere.

Going by my original plan (as if things ever go according to my plans), Lecia was supposed to end up hating me by today's end.

But the way she's looking at me is slightly different.

If this goes on, I might end up as the 'Reliable Asshole' in her mind; a guy who's a piece of shit through and through but always spits facts and can be relied on no matter the situation.

Which… which might not be that bad.

Hmmmm.

In fact, it might be better. I will become someone she does not want to associate with, but still can entrust her back to when needed.

In other words, she'll stay away from me as much as possible, but won't outright go against me.

The reason this is better is that if she ends up hating me, Lecia, being the dumb child she is, would probably try to 'take me out' using any means necessary.

And though it sounds amusing, it would be nothing more than a pain in the ass because the present Lecia is not capable of amusing me in any way possible.

I would be able to protect myself from her nefarious schemes even if I didn't want to; that's how incompetent and boring she is.

So yea, it's better to have our relationship proceed in the direction it's currently going in right now.

Huh, to think that I'd subconsciously manipulate events to get results that would be more beneficial to me than the ones I originally intended.

Well, that's the genius of the Origin, I suppose; not anyone can create an entire Universe, after all.

"I'm surprised you ever had hope in yourself," I scoffed.

"I wonder when it happened," she murmured to herself with a sigh.

Now, time to bring Azell in.

"Well, anyone in your position would give up on themselves," I shrugged. "It's only human to do so. No matter how sweet hope is, feeding on it alone will end up giving you diabetes."

"…What's diabetes?"

Goddamnit.

"Think of it this way; hope makes for a good breakfast, but an awful supper. In other words, hope is something that will make you push yourself further to get that 'happy end', but you will also suffer more as a result. Eventually, a time will come when that hope alone will not be enough to offset the suffering that it brings, and you will end up falling into despair. You will lose your hope then, and that's when you will give up on yourself."

"…" Lecia, Neia and Azell's eyes widened.

"So, hope is like a sweet, slow acting poison coated in a thick layer of cream. It's delicious when you first taste it, but the more you indulge yourself in it, the closer you reach the poison. Then the moment comes when your tongue touches that sweet poison, and that's when you realise that something might be wrong. But you are too far gone, too addicted, to relinquish that sweetness. You keep licking that poison, failing to realise that it's slowly but surely killing you. It's only when you are staring death in the face that you realise the truth, but it's obviously too late."

…

Holy shit, that sure was elaborate for something I literally made up on the spot. Wow.

"Are you sure you are only 12 years old?" Lecia scowled in what seemed to be disbelief.

"Needless to say, everything I just said is something that Azell told me long ago."

Ez.

"I did not," Azell replied.

Goddamnit, Azell. You have one job.

Just shut the fuck up and be my scapegoat.

"There he goes again," I sighed, making it seem like I was too fed up to even refute him. "Anyway, where was I? Right, it's only natural that you gave up on yourself. That's what makes you human. So it's not entirely your fault that you didn't work on getting stronger, even though that was the most obvious thing to do. The blame, in fact, is a shared one."

"Huh?"

"Indeed. Azell is just as guilty as you are."

"…What?" The eyebrows of the man in question rose in what seemed to be shock and confusion.

Interesting.

His expression was telling me that rather than wondering 'Why the fuck is it my fault?', he was more concerned about 'How am I at fault? Where did I go wrong?'.

He wasn't even questioning my claims; he seemed to have assumed them to be the truth and wanted me to elaborate.

Amusing, and ideal, but also not ideal.

I probably should not be saying this because, you know, I'm the one manipulating him, but he really shouldn't blindly trust everything a dodgy 12-year-old child says.

It's called critical thinking, chief.

It was just a joke before, but maybe I really should conduct a 'How to form conspiracy theory' class for the wankers of the New Dawn Guild.

Wow.

"How is this his fault?" Neia asked.

See? That's what I'm talking about.

Like, yea, she should go fuck herself because she's trying to be a hindrance in my plans, but boy do I respect her presence of mind.

Instead of treating my words as an oracle from a God, she took in my words, analysed them in her mind, noticed some inconsistencies, and had the audacity to ask me about them.

Huh, perhaps she's more fit to be the Guild Leader than our Regressor boi here.

To think a time will come when a child beater would be more qualified than a Regressor who literally came back in time to save the world.

This world sure is wild.

"Yeah," Lecia also popped in. "I get that it's my fault for giving up on myself, but why is Azell to blame? It makes absolutely no sense."

Damn, Lecia sure is going hard to defend the man of her dreams.

"It's simple," I paused for a moment. "Azell didn't take responsibility for you."

"What?" She stupidly grunted.

"Now before you start blasting me with your 'What the fuck do you know about him and what he has done for me?!', let's step back a bit. Let's dive into the lore behind my claim that he's as much as at fault as you are. Is that alright?"

"Go ahead," Azell replied before anyone else could.

"…Don't let yourself be carried away in his pace, Azell," Neia warned him.

The fuck is she talking about though? It's not like I have any malicious intentions.

I just want to point out his mistakes to guilt trip him in taking care of Lecia I mean out of the goodness of my heart because I'm a pure, kind boi.

Neia sure is a very distrustful lass.

She needs a trust building class or something.

The members of the New Dawn Guild sure need a lot of classes.

"Don't worry," Azell reassured her. "I just want to listen to what he has to say."

"But…" Neia winced and bit her lips, almost as if she was having a PTSD episode.

"There's the possibility that he's right."

Oh, looks like Azell didn't blindly trust me after all.

This means that he has some critical thinking skills, which means that he's still a better candidate for being the Guild leader than Neia aka the child beater.

Faith in humanity restored.

"Let's go back to the beginning," I said.. "To the time when you saved Lecia."