How to Raise Your Regressor

"Maybe I'm just that lucky," Azell sheepishly smiled.

Ah yes, a motherfucking Regressor was lucky enough to meet the man who brought forth existence from the void itself, the chances of which are just so astronomically low that compared to it, surviving 47 Great Filters in a row looks like betting on a flip of a coin.

I call bullshit on that one, chief.

There are two possibilities; one is that this was all arranged by someone, and second is that Azell is just heaven defyingly lucky. So lucky that he might as well have been personally blessed by the Ancient Gods themselves.

I'm personally hoping that it's the latter, but only time will tell, I guess.

Well, technically speaking I could just hunt down the mastermind behind this myself, but where's the fun in that?

Like I always, the key to a happy life is to keep things spicy, and that is achieved through unpredictability.

So I'll let that hypothetical mastermind hide in the shadows for a bit longer. I want to see what he has in store for me.

"Right," Jennifer scoffed.

Hmm, now that I think about it, what would have happened if it was Jennifer who had saved me instead of Azell?

Well, for starters she would not have piqued my interest, assuming that she's not a Regressor.

Wait, how did I know that Azell was a Regressor again?

Ahhhh, right, I have a Status like skill.

Fuck.

I almost forgot about that because it's just so damn useless. It just tells me the name and title of the target, and actually has the audacity to present it as if it's the most important piece of information in the Universe.

I hope that the guy who made it suffers from chronic insomnia.

Anyway, let's use it on Jennifer.

As usual, a System screen (which is a fancy name for a holographic projection in my brain that only I can see) appeared before my eyes.

NAME: Jennifer Palatine

TITLE: Blood-thirsty Tyrant, The Vengeful Beast, Goddess' Blade

Yup, sounds promising.

Though in my opinion, Bloodthirsty would have gone better with 'Beast'; they just complement each other. Vengeful would have worked just as well with Tyrant.

And what's up with Goddess' Blade? Does that mean that she's the blade that the Goddess herself forged to cut down this world's enemies?

As usual, the System has terrible naming sense.

Or maybe, the titles have a deeper meaning behind them.

Oh well, we'll know.

"Anyway, since Noelle is just unconscious and there's nothing wrong with her, why don't you go enjoy the party?" I suggested.

"We can't leave her alone," Arteria protested.

The others (except Jennifer) seemed to be of the same mind.

"Don't worry, I'm staying behind. You should go."

"Still…"

"Look, all of us staying here will achieve nothing; Noelle will stay unconscious. So, it's better to go back and do what you are here to do."

The party was organised so that everyone could get familiar with their future comrades. It's important to not miss it.

Not to mention that what happened with Noelle would give them an opportunity to break the ice with members of the New Dawn Guild.

Creating connections is important because more often than not, one cannot achieve things alone.

This is not a wish-fulfilment fantasy novel but the real world; there is only so much that a single man can do.

Unless that man is me, of course.

"He's right. We're nothing more than a crowd doing nothing," Voloha said, as if she had understood my intention.

Nice one.

"…Alright," Azell nodded with a sigh.

"But-"

"Let's go," he cut Arteria off. "There's no use in staying here."

"…I understand," she nodded slowly.

"Call me immediately if something happens, or if she wakes up," Neia said to me.

"Will do."

I mean I don't think she needed to specifically instruct me to call a medical expert in case the condition of the patient changes; that's like the basics of Staying with a Patient 101.

"The guards will be outside," Voloha said. "Let them know if you need something."

"Sure."

"Sorry for making you do this," Azell's eyes slightly drooped.

"Don't worry. I wasn't enjoying the party anyway."

"Oh," Voloha averted her gaze.

Did that hurt her?

"How am I supposed to enjoy a party if I can't even drink?"

"Minors are not allowed to drink."

"Adults shouldn't drink either because it's bad for their health, yet here we are."

"It's different for us."

"Oh yeah? How so?"

I call that racism.

"Because consuming alcohol at a young age can hinder the development of the brain. The brains of us adults are fully developed, so it's safe for us to drink," Azell replied.

Well, that's… a fair point.

I wasn't ready for this level of intellectual conversation.

No wait, what am I doing? I'm not supposed to show any maturity.

And backing off in an argument when the opponent puts out a logical point is for mature people.

Damn, I almost failed in playing my own character.

"Doesn't matter. The point is that adults shouldn't drink yet they do, so I should be allowed to drink as well," I harrumphed.

Phew, character saved.

Huh, who would have thought that I would have to work hard to NOT show maturity.

These are weird times. Wow.

"I wonder what you would have been like if you had actually started drinking at a young age," he rolled his eyes. "Anyway, let us know if something happens."

Bruh.

"Alright."

"See you later."

With that, everyone left the room.

"Will you be alright alone?" Voloha asked right before stepping out of the door.

"Of course."

I mean, I just have to sit on a chair and keep watch over Noelle. She's acting like this is one of the hardest jobs I've ever done.

"If you like, I can stay behind and keep you company."

"Thanks, but you shouldn't skip the party just because of me."

"You are worth more than any party," she smiled.

Smooth.

But yea, I'm not falling for it.

"I think otherwise. Anyway, I'm good, you don't need to worry about me."

"If you say so," she smiled thinly and left.

Phew. That was harder than I expected.

Who would have thought that kicking people out of a room where their precious unconscious comrade is resting would not be easy?

Anyway, time to wipe out your memories, mamacita.