How to Raise Your Regressor

"Anyway, this is all I needed you for, so you can go back."

"Wait, was that it?"

"Yes, unfortunately."

I mean, what else could I want from them?

Though technically speaking, I could have taken a lot more blood than what I extracted because their body makes new blood extremely quickly, but that might make them feel like I'm treating them as mere ingredients.

Which I am, but I'll have to gradually increase the amount so that they subconsciously accept that notion.

I can't have them falling victim to the morality debate and rejecting the idea of acting as blood donors.

That would be a yikes for my plan to take over the world through Elixir.

Well, to be honest I'll probably abandon that plan within seconds because that will be a huge pain in the ass, but I still need to ready myself in case I actually decide to go through with it.

"And you made us wait that long just for a bottle of blood?"

"Then what, do you want me to harvest your organs or something?"

That sure is a weird fetish, if I do say so myself, but then again, who am I to judge?

If getting your organs sold on the black market is what gets you off, then you do you, chief, you do you.

Also, I'll also make some quick cash so I actually welcome such a fetish.

"Absolutely not!"

"Oh."

I guess it's in my destiny to remain poor.

Also, Arteria, you're a fucking asshole.

All I want from you is a kidney to sell on the black market. You have two so you can surely spare one for your dear comrade.

And then they have the audacity to call me family.

"Why do you sound sad?" Arteria scowled.

"I'm not," I couldn't help but sigh. "Anyway, like you said, a mere bottle of blood is all I needed you for. Unless, of course, you're willing to wait for a few more hours."

I am going to need her again, after all.

I mean, she's the only one I can ask for help regarding the matter of organs.

Neia and I are closer than before due to the many secrets we are hiding, but it's not at the point where I can ask her to transplant an organ for me.

Besides, Arteria has more experience.

"And why would I do that?"

"You technically don't need to. You could just go back to your room and rest, but if you do that, you'll miss an interesting process."

"Do you know what they are talking about?" Clementine approached Neia and asked.

"I don't. And trust me, you don't want to either," Neia sighed.

"Why?"

"The less you get involved with Samur, the better."

"I couldn't agree more." Arteria also sighed.

"Oh," Clementine slowly nodded.

Also, I'm surprised these guys have the audacity to say such rude things about me right in front of me.

Like, I'm not even mad, I'm just impressed.

"Anyway, I have no interest in any of your grotesque inventions. Also, don't call me again, and don't you dare make me wait for something so small."

She's talking like she has a lot of things to do while in reality she's probably just going to go back to her room and fap furiously to questionable tentacle hentai.

"I shall keep that in mind. To ensure something like this doesn't happen again, how about I set up a blood extracting machine here?"

"A what machine?"

"A blood extracting machine. That way, you won't have to wait for me to be free. You can just come in whenever you want, plug your hand in and have a bottle full of your blood extracted."

Modern problems require modern solutions.

"…"

"…"

"…"

The three of them stared at me like I was the second coming of my homie Jesus.

"Unless, of course, you enjoy waiting for me in my room."

"Why the hell do you need so much blood anyway?" The spokesperson of this group of three women aka Arteria asked.

"Stuff."

"Like?"

"You'll have to wait a few days to see that. Let me assure you, however, it'll be worth your time, and blood."

"Huh, we'll see about that."

"Also, Arteria, are you going to sleep now?"

"No, why would I?" She furrowed her brows.

What does she mean by why would she sleep? Why do people sleep? They do so because they're tired, or because they want to take a free trial of death.

"Perfect. Because I'll need you in a few hours."

Because of my new DVH heart, that's all the time it would take me to complete my new invention.

"What are you planning?"

"Something you'll find incredibly fun."

"And what if I don't find it fun? What then?"

"Then you're free to stab me."

"No, then I'll break your legs-"

"Alright, calm down, Satan."

Well, to be honest her threat does not actually scare me. And that's because not only do I have a motherfucking Elixir with me, I also know how to use healing magic.

And even if by some demonic intervention I'm unable to use any of them, I can always bite off my tongue and stop my heart to, let's just say, find myself a new body.

Yup, you heard that right. I literally included a kill switch in my heart so that I can kill myself whenever I want.

The only reason I don't use it is because going out that way feels cheap.

In other words, no way in hell am I leaving myself in Noelle's care.

"What's a Satan?" Clementine asked.

"Just one of the many names of the Devil."

"Ohhhhh," she nodded with twinkling eyes.

"Anyway, everyone except Clementine is free to leave."

"Wait, what about the celebration?" Neia asked.

"What celebration?"

What the fuck are we celebrating? And why wasn't I invited to it?

Aren't these guys a bit too cruel?

Like, okay I get it I put you through some truly horrific things just because I wanted a laugh or two, but I'm ultimately your comrade; your family.

And you never turn your back on family.

"You were right there when we were talking about it," the Dragon rolled her eyes. "Aren't we celebrating your first dungeon clear?"

"Oh, right, you were supposed to go on a dungeon expedition today. How did it go?"

"I created a World Record," I then turned to Neia, "You guys weren't joking about it?"

"You did what?" Arteria frowned.

"Why would we?" And so did Neia.

"I got the fastest clearing time by completing the dungeon in 2 minutes and 48 seconds," I turned back to Neia, "Are you seriously going to celebrate such a small thing? Oh, come on, I'm sure all of us have better things to do."

"Did he just call it 'small'?" The vampire looked at her Draconic companion.

"I believe he just did."

"…"

"…"

These guys sure like their random bouts of silence, huh?

"You're coming to that party."

"You definitely are."

Oh. My. Fucking. God.