Heart of Darkness

Through the window Angelica watched Lord Rayven ride away on his horse, leaving her alone in the castle. Her guess was that he left to make some arrangements for the marriage after giving her some money to buy new clothes for herself? Not some, a lot of money. Only after he left her alone did she remember that she couldn't leave the castle without being harassed and she wouldn't be allowed to buy anything.

As he disappeared down the hill, Angelica wondered what people would think once they found out that they were getting married. Would anyone even attend their marriage?

Not that she cared. A little ceremony would be the best for her. And she was going to see William soon. That excited her the most.

Would the King be there? It seemed like he and Rayven were close. It would be the strangest wedding if he came, but at the same time, it couldn't get more strange. The King's man was marrying a traitor's daughter.

Angelica could already foresee what people would say. That she married a powerful lord to take her revenge on the King. Hopefully, Lord Rayven had already prepared for the possible outcomes of their marriage.

The rest of the day went by slowly and when the evening came, she heard Lord Rayven arrive at home. She hurried to the front door as he entered.

"Good evening, My Lord." Angelica realized he smelled a little like alcohol but he didn't look drunk. "Do you want me to serve dinner?" She asked remembering the rules too late.

"Yes." He replied to her surprise.

He had to be intoxicated.

Angelica hurried to the kitchen before he changed his mind. When she came back with the food he was already seated at the table with sunken shoulders. Angelica served him in silence, wondering what had happened to make him look so defeated.

"Everything is ready now, My Lord." She said once she was done serving.

Lord Rayven lifted his head and ran his fingers through his hair to push it out of his face.

He looked at her through hooded eyes. "Sit." He told her.

Angelica looked at the chairs. Where should she sit? He probably didn't want her close to him so she sat a chair away.

"Here!" He said pointing at the chair next to him.

Angelica's heart raced. She didn't like it when men were intoxicated. Lord, help her.

She went to sit next to him and the whole time she felt his dark gaze on her. Nervously she lifted her gaze to his but she couldn't stand his scrutiny so she looked away again.

"Where is Jada, My Lord?" Angelica asked trying to break the awkward silence.

"I sent her away." He said.

"Why?"

He tilted his head to one side. "Have you not noticed that I don't like people around me?"

She looked back at him. "Why is that?"

He picked up his spoon with a sigh. "Because people are meant to use me."

Angelica frowned. "Why would you think so?"

She could see his hand clench around the spoon. "Because that is what I used to do and now that is my punishment. No one will want to be with me except to use me for something," He said.

He put the spoon in the soup. "Even you." He added with a low voice.

Angelica felt her heart tighten at his words and a large lump built in her throat. She watched him pick up the soup with his spoon and taste it. He nodded as if giving his approval. Tears burned her eyes and she fought them back.

"You should eat." He said without looking at her.

With teary eyes, she put some soup in her bowl and began to eat. She felt one tear fall down her cheek but she wiped it away quickly. Lord Rayven ate his soup fast, then stood up.

"Have a good night." He said and left without glancing her way once.

Angelica let her shoulders fall once he was out of sight. She felt shame and guilt and the night became too long as she turned back and forth in bed trying to get rid of the heavy feeling in her heart. At last, she found herself looking at the crowns Lord Rayven gave her. Was she really thinking of doing this?

She would be stupid and insane to leave. From here she knew where Thomas lived and all this money could help her leave the Kingdom. That was her other choice, even given to her by Lord Rayven.

Gathering her courage she wrote him a letter, thanking him for everything he did for her and then left it on her bed before leaving the castle. She had to leave while it was dark if she wanted to reach Thomas without being seen.

When she stepped out of the castle, she shivered. Not only because it was cold but because she was scared. She took small hesitant steps when she knew she should hurry, but she kept looking back at the castle and questioning her sanity.

She should not care. She should prioritize her safety and not put herself in danger again after everything she had been through. Halting she hugged herself. Lord show me the way, she begged before it was too late, and then she remembered the hurt look on his face. Angelica didn't want to be one of those who used him. She didn't want to humiliate him or put him in danger by causing speculations about her wanting revenge on the King.

The cold night made it hard for her to just keep standing but she didn't know whether to continue or go back.

"Where are you going?" She suddenly heard Lord Rayven's voice from behind.

He was awake.

She turned around and saw the angry look on his face as he came to her.

"Where are you thinking of going in the middle of the night?" He asked.

Angelica looked down embarrassed. "Anywhere." She replied.

"Why? Why have you suddenly decided to leave?" He demanded to know.

The cold night wind made her shiver and hug herself tighter. "Because… you deserve to marry someone who loves you. Not… someone like me."

He frowned. "What does someone like you mean?"

"Someone who uses you and who will tarnish your reputation, be a humiliation and...and bring you trouble." She teared up.

His eyes widened. "You… stop being foolish and get back to the castle."

She shook her head while tears streamed down her face. To hear herself saying those things out loud, realizing that she was nothing but bad luck hurt deep into her soul. She was meant to die. She was of no use to anyone.

Lord Rayven crossed the distance between them then leaning down he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder. Angelica gasped in shock. "What are you doing?" She said as he began to walk back to the castle. "Put me down. You wanted me to leave anyway."

"I thought you were smart." He muttered as he brought her back in. He headed toward the room where she was staying and pushed the door open before entering.

He let her slide down his shoulder but held her in place with an arm around her waist. As if she already wasn't shocked enough to find herself pressed against his body, he grabbed her face and made her look at him.

"You didn't leave when I gave you the choice. Now, you can't leave without my permission." He said. "Did you forget that you are indebted to me?"

Her eyes widened. She forgot that part. This was embarrassing.

"I… I didn't mean to run from the debt."

"You can't run from me, Angel. Not unless I want you to run."

He released her jaw and narrowed his eyes. "But I don't want you to run anymore. I want you willing. I want you to marry me." He said.

Angelica looked into his eyes. At that moment it felt like he wanted to marry her because he wanted her. The way he looked at her, it was the way a man looked at the woman he wanted. She couldn't be mistaken even though she had a hard time believing her eyes. He had never looked at her like that before. Could he really want her?

He then closed his eyes and gently pushed her away from him. Angelica shivered at the absence of his warm body next to hers. When he opened his eyes again they were back to being cold.

His lips pressed into a thin line and he spoke between clenched teeth. "I hope to see you tomorrow morning." He said before rushing out of the room.

Angelica blinked a few times, surprised. She thought he would curse or say something mean but he wished to see her?