59 – couple fighting
Parents play an important role in raising children.
Become a mirror for children, give direction to children’s lives,
It tells us things we don’t know, and in what way, with what attitude, and with what kind of mind we should treat people.
Isn’t it the parents’ role to teach them all?
By the way… I, I am still caught by her today.
As her husband, as her love, as her lover, as her partner, as her spouse.
Not as the children’s father, but as her own person.
As soon as my children were born, I thought of myself as someone’s father, but she never did.
As soon as the children were born, she devoted herself to taking care of her body, which had faded due to her increased appetite during pregnancy.
Contrast with neat clothes,
I started buying and wearing pieces of cloth that protested as underwear.
When I was with her, she was always busy changing clothes,
When she had time with me, she always locked the door to the master bedroom and was busy squeezing me out while entrusting the children to Shani.
So today, I was going to have a serious talk with her.
“…So, why don’t you give me a little time to be the father of the children?”
“what?”
After drinking tea, she roughly put the teacup down and started glaring at me in disbelief.
Fortunately, the children were at school, so they did not discover the scary side of her.
There were definitely moments when I had to feel that piece, but I was the only one who faced raw things like this.
It was the only weight I had to bear.
“So, I’d like you to give me at least an hour to talk to William and Agatha about what the kids did today-“
Before I could finish my words, she shook her head vigorously and opened her ears.
…You’re angry.
“You’re already giving enough. You’re already taking away enough…!”
Squeezing out her voice almost as if crying, she poured out words before I could even open my mouth.
“Breakfast, lunch, dinner. The time to eat with the children is always 30 minutes to an hour. You talk with the children at that time too, you.
Instead of laughing and eating with me while looking at me, I look at the children, put side dishes on them, and tell them not to be picky!
Where is that? In the morning, I go to say hello, and at night, I kiss my forehead to say good night,
William tried to kiss your lips recently, mine, lips that only I can have…!”
I hope you keep those things in mind. But after that, he would have always comforted her by shaking her body several times before going to sleep…
Are you saying that even these things are to be found one by one? sincerely?
“Ha, but then it’s time to spend with the kids with you. I didn’t do those things where you didn’t know, Ellie.
The kiss I was about to kiss on the lips… although of course you pulled me to stop it.”
It was clear that he would have accepted William’s kiss if she hadn’t stopped it.
What father in the world would refuse a kiss that his child says he likes?
Of course, kissing is shameless, but isn’t a bird kiss from a young child the best expression of affection a parent can receive?
How much more does she want from me when I understand that even preventing her from receiving that?
“…You, I still remember the days before the children were born.
You were so lovely back then. I was a fool who only knew me
Do you know how madly I loved you when I saw you save the precious and desirable feijoa on that cold winter day?
When I ran out on that winter’s day just for myself, and spooned the fresh, sweet fruit into my mouth,
You, who went through the hardships to feed me delicious fruit without even taking off the very coldly heated metal prosthetic leg,
You, smiling at me with a bright red face, split the fruit in half and scoop out the pulp while crunching.
I remember those eyes that looked at me more than anything else.
And still look at it.”
With a faint smile, I layered mine on her hand as she caressed my cheek.
Fortunately – she seems to know my heart well.
As much as I valued her, I wanted to cherish my children as well.
They are children with the person they love, and above all, they are children with my own blood, how could I leave them alone?
“Look at that, I promise-“
I was speechless again.
However, this time I had to face a distorted face.
that all the wishful thinking I had just before was a lowly imagination for my escape from reality,
She tore, cut, and crushed each one with a shrill voice.
“Seeing it in your eyes as you look at the children, not me…! Do you know how upsetting that is?
I hate myself for putting up with it over and over again even though I was afraid to get angry with the children
I hate you for continuing to go to your children whenever you have a chance, even though you know it’s a promise.
And for me to resemble my mother, I really – hate it.
One day, I thought that mother’s love might not be real love.
After I grew up, I saw my mother again and she understood.
That this is never healthy love.
But what should I do… I’m a person who can’t help but love like this.”
Laughing, he hugged her as her shoulders trembled a little and pressed their foreheads together.
While holding her in his arms as he groaned, he stroked her hair several times and tried to make eye contact.
“Then, fix it a little bit from now on-“
She stopped talking again and grabbed my collar.
“Keugh?! Ellie…!”
thump, thump, thump,
Without giving me a chance to turn around, she pushed me against the wall and clenched her teeth at me.
He barely suppressed his rising anger and continued to speak.
“Look, you still don’t know me very well. I don’t hate this love.
I cried and denied my mother once, but I also tried to hold on to the expectations you had for me… it didn’t work?
After losing 6 years to my children, I came to understand my mother.
During that time, if there were no children, there must have been moments where I could have made more memories while being with you…!
I gave birth to those children because I couldn’t stand the momentary, very momentary doubt and urgency.”
…For a moment, she caught her breath, looked me straight in the eyes, and drew an arc with her mouth as her stiff face remained.
I couldn’t bear to look at her properly because of her grotesquely frightening expression.
Her outstretched hand grabbed my face and forced me to look at her.
“…and you know what?
Even at this moment, I can see doubt and fear welling up in your eyes,
I can’t stop talking why?
Because I want to be honest with you. Because I love you, I’m being honest.
The person I want to show everything without a single secret, how much I love you, how much I woo you as a female rabbit,
I’m doing this because I want to show it. Do you understand?
And yet, even at this very moment, you try to avoid my eyes. look at me I mean look at me! Look at me…!”
It was scary. To be honest, her attitude really scared me.
“How much, how much more do I have to do for you to be satisfied? How much more…?
I want you to like even the uncomfortable ring, so I wear it on my ring finger every single day.
So that you won’t be anxious, I’m always holding you every night, and I’m showing you my love in the way I take the lead.
Sometimes you can’t stand it and attack me, I accept it as best I can, and your rough behavior in front of the children,
Doesn’t everyone think about what I’m dealing with all by myself? How much more do I have to work…?”
When I couldn’t hold it back and shed tears, she quietly put down my collar and trimmed my clothes.
“…I hope you will continue to show the sincerity as much as you have shown now.”
With a calm voice and bent ears, she wiped my tears with a handkerchief and held me sobbing in her arms.
Until the warm body temperature warms my face, until I get intoxicated by the strong scent that fragrant in her sweet embrace,
And then, when all my feelings for her were clouded over, she cupped my ears with both hands and put her tongue in her half-open mouth.
The indiscriminate expression of desire inflicted upon me, who had lost my strength, did not stop until I leaned against her body, shaking my body.
Soon, the argument ended as they were dragged into the bedroom, stripped layer by layer.
Exhaling a rough breath, forgetting even the hunger in her arms, before closing my eyes soaked in tiredness,
I could hear her whispering softly to me.
“… An hour before bed. Let’s spend time with the kids with me. I won’t allow more than that. And… just be prepared to sleep a little later at night.”
It’s probably the best consideration she can give.
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