Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Jing Huan downed a mouthful of water and waved away all those strange feelings. He flew to the guild's portal, ready to go back inside his new guild to take a look.

He had just been transported inside the guild when he saw a white snake lady beside him who was lazily lying on a brown wooden chair. She gently shook the cattail fan in her hand, her white snake tail drooping leisurely over the ground — it was the most expensive guild cart driver.

The guild scene was beautifully designed — there were waterfalls, rainbows, ancient pavilions, and other such large props. It wasn't any worse off than the divine lands designed for couples in the game. Truly, only attentive girls would be able to design scenes this beautiful.

He suddenly recalled his guild in his old server; his guild master was an uncouth fellow, and their guild scene was a huge, empty space.

Aside from potion fields, there was nothing else in it.

Since it was rare for him to see such a beautiful scene, Jing Huan pondered for a bit and decided not to use the cart driver. He planned to walk around on foot to explore his surroundings, but after taking just two steps, another person appeared beside him — black clothes, red hair, and a shimmering, pitch black long sword held in his hand.

The little fairy fox stopped at once.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Gege~~ [excited]

At the same time he sent this sentence out, Yearning For vanished with a "whoosh" — he should have left through the portal with the cart driver. Only Jing Huan remained, standing foolishly at the spot with the cordial greeting still hanging overhead. It made him look absolutely dumb.

…asshole, he's so rude.

Jing Huan couldn't help but knock out two expressions on the interface.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: [scorn][spits]

At the same time his two expressions appeared, the black robed man left and returned, reappearing beside the cart driver.

Xiang Huaizhi had come in to refine potions, and he had been talking to Lu Hang just now, so he hadn't really been paying attention to the game. Coupled with how quickly his hands moved, by the time he reacted, he was already in the potion refinery room.

After recalling the figure he saw just now, he hesitated a little before teleporting back.

He squinted a little and saw those two crude expressions hover over Xiao Tianjing's head for seven seconds before they gradually turned translucent and disappeared.

[Current] Yearning For: ?

Xiao Tianjing was silent for ten seconds.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: [scorn] I was scorning myself. Gege, why did you come back!

[Current] Yearning For: Why were you scorning yourself?

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: [spits] My appearance must be too ordinary, and my attire too ugly that Gege didn't notice me before flying away.

[Current] Yearning For: …

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: I'm so useless! [slaps]

Jing Huan numbly typed as he insulted himself.

[Current] Yearning For: … I was the one who flew away too quickly, what are you doing here.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: This guild's scenery is too pretty, I wanted to take a casual stroll. [cute]

Xiang Huaizhi replied with an "un" and was preparing to fly away again.

【Xiao Tianjing has invited you to join their party. Yes, No.】

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Gege, wanna look around together?

Xiang Huaizhi had played NCH for so many years but had seldom spent time admiring the in-game scenery. Actually, NCH was originally famous for its excellent game art and beautiful ancient style designs. Two years ago, the game producers had even released an animation that received a lot of views.

However, he just wasn't interested. He preferred the PK system in NCH instead.

Lu Hang was chatting with other people in the guild channel. He had always been a sociable person, so he could talk with people anywhere he went.

Halfway through chatting, he suddenly remembered something and looked up to ask a question, only to see that Xiang Huaizhi had already gone to bed with his laptop.

Xiang Huaizhi sat cross-legged, his back leaning against the wall as he stared at the laptop on his legs. He had his earphones in and a dull gaze across his face.

"Xiangxiang."

"Old Xiang."

"Xiang Huaizhi!"

Lu Hang called out thrice before Xiang Huaizhi looked up. "Calling for a soul?"

"Who asked you to keep ignoring me… oh right, won't there be a four-day holiday next month? Wanna go out and have fun for two days?"

Xiang Huaizhi, "Talk about it next time ba."

“Then remember to decide earlier &#k2018;kay, if we’re too late, we won’t even be able to book tickets.” Lu Hang said, “Where are you? Come over and help me with a quest, this damn quest needs two people to trigger the battle.”

Xiang Huaizhi looked at the little fairy fox hopping around beside him. “I’m busy, just grab some random passer-by to help you.”

Lu Hang was stunned. "What are you busy with?"

"Refining potions."

Lu Hang uttered an "oh". "Okay then."

Jing Huan took Yearning For around as they wandered left and right. When he came to a stream, he stopped.

"Wah, Gege, look at this stream." The little fairy fox squatted down. "There are so many fish!"

[Party] Yearning For: Un, I see them.

Jing Huan asked from the bottom of his heart, "This is really amazing. Just how much money does it cost to design such a huge scene?"

[Party] Yearning For: A few thousand dollars.

Jing Huan sighed. "Guild master is really rich, no wonder she could bear to offer so much money to hunt me down."

Xiang Huaizhi couldn't tell if she was praising her or grumbling for a moment.

He hesitated for a bit, then typed.

[Party] Yearning For: Sorry.

Jing Huan was stunned. "What's wrong? Why did you suddenly apologise…"

[Party] Yearning For: For mistaking you for a swindler.

"It's okay~ if it were me, I wouldn't have believed myself then either." Jing Huan paused. "Gege, you can't talk?"

[Party] Yearning For: Un, my dorm mate is in.

"Oh."

Jing Huan sat down, feeling bored. He did plan on admiring the scenery, but he had only intended to take a look or two and not actually walk around the entire place.

He thought about it for a bit before suddenly saying, "Gege, can I ask you something?"

[Party] Yearning For: What is it?

"About you and Immortal Mengmeng…" Jing Huan licked his lips. "What's your relationship with her? Why did she suddenly hunt me down?"

[Party] Yearning For: We have no relationship.

Jing Huan waited quietly for a while but didn't receive a second sentence of an explanation.

That's it?

He grit his teeth, then asked, "I heard others say that there was someone called Ran Xin too… what's the deal with that?"

[Party] Yearning For: Don't know her.

Your grandfather!

%￥……%#￥!!

Asshole! Count your lucky stars that you're still in the game right now! If you were by my side, I'd change my surname to yours if I didn't immediately beat you down!

Jing Huan had nowhere to vent his anger and after stifling it for a moment, he suddenly made his character stand up and used a "throw oneself at another person's arms" action towards Yearning For.

Little Fairy Fox threw her whip aside and threw herself at the man. Because of angling himself just right, he landed square in Yearning For's embrace.

Jing Huan used this action over and over again, chanting silently in his heart — I'll pummel you to death! Kick your crotch! Snap your leg! Hammer your head! Pull your hair!

Xiang Huaizhi didn't expect her to be so open and forgot to dodge for a moment. The two of them stood face to face like that and repeated this intimate action over and over again.

Until a white robe scholar appeared at the bottom right corner of the screen.

[Current] Qiufeng: …

[Current] Qiufeng: [shuts up]

[Current] Yearning For: …

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: [surprise]

[Current] Qiufeng: Well um, I'm just passing by. Are you two…

Both of them spoke at the same time.

[Current] Yearning For: No.

[Current] Xiao Tianjing: Improving our relationship *^0^*

[Current] Qiufeng: I'm jealous now. I'll leave, won't disturb you two.

The little fairy fox finally stopped her action of throwing herself into Yearning For's arms and waved at him.

Qiufeng looked at this familiar character acting cute towards someone else and couldn't explain what he was feeling for a moment. He shifted his gaze, took a screenshot, and sent the picture to the guild's WeChat group.

Qiufeng: [picture] From now on, whoever wants to go on dates in the guild scene will be charged an admission fee! 20 gold each time! We'll use it to buy dog food for all the singles in the guild!

Peachy Fate: I wholeheartedly agree!

Big Dream: I agree too!!

Regardless of Lovesickness: ?

Qiufeng: Of course, our guild master and vice guild master are excluded. But speaking of this, why haven't the two of them entered the WeChat group yet?

Chunxiao: Yearning For said that they'll enter later.

Qiufeng: OK.

Lu Hang had been in the WeChat group for awhile now. He sent out an "agree" first before slowly scrolling up to see the picture Qiufeng sent.

Two people were stuck close together in the picture, and why did they look so familiar?

"…fuck? Old Xiang?" Lu Hang turned his laptop screen over and questioned Xiang Huaizhi, who was on the opposite bed, "This is the 'refining potions' you were talking about?"

Xiang Huaizhi looked up to take a look and calmly said, "After refining potions, we were just looking around. Any problem with that?"

Lu Hang, "… no problem. But are you guys done walking around? Had enough of hugging? It's about time to do instances."

Xiang Huaizhi uttered an "un". "I'll ask her."

[Party] Yearning For: Done admiring the scenery?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: [little rabbit nods]

[Party] Yearning For: Make me the party leader, time to do instances.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Okay.

In the past, the character Yearning For had a fixed party for quests, and the party leader of that fixed party had been that swindler booster. After the booster went on the run, the party naturally disbanded.

The three of them gathered at the main city. Lu Hang had called over Love is For You to Eat, but they still needed one more person.

[Guild] Long Road Ahead: Anyone want to come for the Wreck Havoc in the Heavenly Palace instance? Q1!

[Guild] Qiufeng: I'll go, where?

[Guild] Long Road Ahead: Main city.

Qiufeng soon joined their party. After a few simple greetings, they started the instance.

After chatting a little about his older sister with Yearning For, Jing Huan's mood was much worse now, and he didn't feel like acting cute or obedient anymore. After entering the instance, he didn't say a single word.

But Lu Hang didn't intend to spare them.

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Xiao Jingjing, are you there?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Yep.

[Party] Long Road Ahead: You just went to admire the scenery with Xiangxiang?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: 0.0 un, how did you know?

[Party] Long Road Ahead: It was sent to the guild's WeChat group.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Oh oh.

[Party] Long Road Ahead: What is it? Not in a good mood tonight?

Ordinarily, she should have sent out a whole package of shy expressions by now, right?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Nope, I'm watching a drama.

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Okay then. This instance isn't difficult, keep watching ba, you can just switch to autopilot.

Jing Huan was about to start another game to pass the time when he saw a message pop up on the chat channel.

[Party] Qiufeng: When did you guys get married?

[Party] Yearning For: ?

[Party] Long Road Ahead: ??

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: [surprise] Who?

[Party] Qiufeng: You and Yearning For.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: We aren't getting married…

[Party] Qiufeng: [doubtful] Then just now, the two of you were?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: [shuts up] We were just casually looking around, how could Gege marry me.

Jing Huan typed: Although I really want to, Gege seems like he doesn't like me that much yet-

[Party] Qiufeng: Oh [haha], that means I still have a chance?

[Party] Yearning For: ?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: ??

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Wait no, bro, what do you mean by that? What chance? [surprise]

[Party] Qiufeng: The chance to woo Xiao Tianjing ah.

The party channel immediately fell silent.

Xiang Huaizhi typed a question mark and was about to send it out, but after thinking about it, he deleted it.

He looked at the little fairy fox next to him. The little fairy fox didn't move for half a day either, evidently having gotten a fright.

[Party] Qiufeng: Haha, why did you all stop talking?

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: I don't think I know you…

[Party] Qiufeng: That's too hurtful, we've clearly spoken a few times. [aggrieved]

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: ? But we weren't chatting away especially happily ba.

[Party] Qiufeng: No ah, I think you're very cute.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: … you have no PTSD towards this character of mine?

[Party] Qiufeng: She's her, and you're you. Also, we've just gotten to know each other, and we're in the same guild too, so we still have a lot of time in the future to get to know each other ma.

Jing Huan took a deep breath.

Qiufeng looked at the back figure of the little fairy fox and just looking at her like that was very interesting to him.

He laughed and was about to tease her again.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: You're a good guy I don't deserve, hope you find another one who serves.

—

Zryuu: … fml the last sentence was a rhyme too LOL

Juurensha: ….God of War gege, someone's trying to steal your man!!!