Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Lu Hang was swaying to and fro on the bed as he laughed, and the whole bed was convulsing along with his movements.

"Old Xiang, you're too inhumane."

"You're humane, so why didn't you remind her?" Xiang Huaizhi asked.

"I wanted to remind her ah, but I really didn't know how to answer the first few questions. Did you forget? I was fined by the cleaning auntie because of throwing away the wrong garbage…also, who would remember how many quests they've done, and what the name of an NPC in a low-level wild map is?"

Xiang Huaizhi didn't answer. He saw Xiao Tianjing standing in front of the guard at the door, her back figure seeming even more despondent than when she had first seen the question just now.

He had found this back figure amusing just now, which was why he couldn't hold himself back from blurting out the sentence at the time.

[Party] Yearning For: It's my fault.

You don't say? If we don't blame you, then am I supposed to be the one they blame?!

You caused Laozi to lose face in front of Regardless of Lovesickness! I'll kill you!!

Jing Huan grit his teeth as he tapped on his keyboard, making a bunch of clack clack clack sounds.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Wuwuwu T.T! Gege's so notty!!

[Party] Yearning For: …

After finally clearing this section, Jing Huan breathed a sigh of relief. He'll never do this damn instance again; it doesn't give out a lot of experience, yet there's still so much to do. He wouldn't come back even if there were 100,000 sweethearts here.

The main task of this instance was to rescue the bride who had been forcibly taken back to the residence by Second Young Master, so they spent most of their time searching for people and items and rarely triggered any battles. After half an hour of making inquiries, they finally obtained some clues.

Only to see this written in the task box:

【Congratulations on obtaining "Young Lady Liu's Bridal Sedan Chair's Route", quickly put on your disguise and head to Chang'an City 121.47 to wreck this wedding! (Two people are required to form a team, time limit is 20 minutes.)】

Before Jing Huan had the time to read through carefully, there was an extra task prop in his inventory.

He moved his mouse over to take a look — it was a huge red wedding costume.

"Who got the wedding costume?" Lu Hang asked.

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: …me.

"You again…" Lu Hang couldn't help laughing, "Okay then, change your clothes."

Change clothes? What for?

Seeing as how she stood motionless, Lu Hang understood. "You've never done this instance before right? Then I'll explain it to you, you have to choose a team member first to form a wedding party with, then go and hold up Young Lady Liu's bridal sedan. After that, we'll take advantage of the chaos to snatch the bride. You just need to afk in the sedan, it's very easy."

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: We can't just snatch her straight away? 0.0

Lu Hang, "We can't, the idiotic producer insisted on arranging this portion."

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: Oh oh, choose a teammate? I can choose anyone I want?"

Lu Hang, "Yes."

As if sensing something, Xiang Huaizhi began typing: I'll just afk-

Before he could send out what he had typed, the little fairy fox had already jumped next to him, and a dialog box popped up in the game.

【Xiao Tianjing has invited you to join a party: Yes, No.】

Xiang Huaizhi, "…"

Her invitation was so obvious; if he rejected her, he would likely make this young girl lose face.

Xiang Huaizhi sighed and clicked yes.

Then lifted his hand to delete the words in the dialog box.

Xiang Huaizhi had just entered the party when a wedding costume appeared on his body. He didn't think much before right-clicking and changing into it.

Right when both of them clicked at the same time, a bridal sedan appeared, and he was forced onto the horse by the system. Xiao Tianjing had been stuffed into the bridal sedan as well, and the procession slowly headed into the heart of the city.

The rest of the team followed the sedan chair and waited for an opportunity.

"Gege," Jing Huan turned on the voice chat in the party and talked to him, so only Yearning For could hear him. "Are you going to the arena later?"

Xiang Huaizhi, "Un."

He had thought that she would want him to bring her along, but he didn't expect that after Xiao Tianjing heard that, she merely said, "Un un, Gege jiayou."

Xiang Huaizhi fell silent for a while, then asked, "You want to go?"

Jing Huan casually said, "I doooo, but my equipment's too shitty. I'll just be giving other people points if I go…"

"If you want to go, I'll take you along."

Jing Huan was stunned.

When did this person become so nice?

"…don't ba, I don't want to cause you to lose points."

Xiang Huaizhi really didn't mean anything else by it, he just thought that Xiao Tianjing had come to play this game for him after all. Although he had no obligation to be responsible for her, he wouldn't be stingy with what he could do for her.

But since the other side had refused, he wouldn't force her. "Un, up to you."

Jing Huan sat in the sedan chair and couldn't even admire the scenery, so he was bored to death. He continued chatting with Yearning For, "God of War Gege, why didn't you join any guilds?"

"Troublesome, didn't want to." Xiang Huaizhi paused, "Don't call me that anymore."

Jing Huan, "Then what do I call youu? God of War? Xin Gege? Zhi Gege?"

Xiang Huaizhi's head throbbed from listening. He couldn't think of anything suitable at the moment, so he could only helplessly choose the most normal one from the listed options, "Gege's fine."

Lu Hang, who was sitting behind him, couldn't believe his ears.

He just mentioned it casually the other day, but Xiang Huaizhi really found himself a sister?!

Jing Huan, "Un Gege~"

Xiang Huaizhi, "…don't call me that in such a tone."

Jing Huan, "Then how should I call you ya."

"You don't need to pretend to be coy." Xiang Huaizhi bluntly said, "Talk in your usual voice."

Lu Hang, "…"

You're too hurtful, Old Xiang.

You god damn straight dude.

If it had been another girl who had heard this, they probably wouldn't have been able to stand it, but not Jing Huan. He didn't exercise his voice anymore, just like a dedicated Taobao customer service personnel who was cooperating perfectly with his customer's requests. "Okay Gege, does this sound okay?"

The girl's voice was slightly hoarse and really wasn't as coy as before, instead sounding more like an onee-san, which was much more pleasant to the ear.

Xiang Huaizhi, "Un, let me see your equipment."

Jing Huan obediently set all his equipment into the party's channel.

Xiang Huaizhi casually glanced at two and didn't continue looking. Xiao Tianjing wasn't being modest, her equipment was all 'common', and even the best weapon was just a blue-level equipment that didn't even have one gem on it. No wonder she was killed in just three strikes by Regardless of Lovesickness in the arena the other day.

"Do more instances when you're free, you can get equipment from those. Even random equipment there would be better than the ones you have." Xiang Huaizhi said, "You're a Fairy Fox Cave, so you mainly have to stack hit rates for seals, speed, and healing attributes."

Jing Huan only understood what was happening after half a day had passed. Was Yearning For teaching him how to play the game?

Strangely enough, he realised that ever since they played in the arena together, Yearning For's attitude towards him seemed much gentler than before, and he would even receive a reply after a usual greeting. Although brief, it was better than ignoring him completely.

Jing Huan, "Un un, thank you Gege, I'll diligently do instances more often."

Before long, the sedan chair had already rushed to the middle of the street and harshly rammed into Young Lady Liu's sedan. The scene instantly descended into chaos.

His teammates were efficient and snatched the bride in less than half a minute.

"Okay, safe." Lu Hang said, "We'll be done after killing the BOSS. The BOSS isn't difficult, so everyone can just operate as you please."

Three minutes later, Second Young Master BOSS fell to the ground, and at the same time, a dice-throwing interface appeared in the game.

It was an instance reward mechanism of the system. 20 people threw the dice, and the reward would belong to whoever got the most points.

Although they said it was throwing a dice, it was actually just clicking a button. Jing Huan clicked and threw three one's.

"Leopard, amazing." Lu Hang said.

Jing Huan, "…" He was used to it.

In the end, Yearning For won with 17 points. When the interface disappeared, a system message popped up.

【[Party] Yearning For acted heroically for a just cause and rendered help, successfully rescuing Young Lady Liu from Second Young Master's hands. In order to express her gratitude, Young Lady Liu took out a precious [Nine Brahman Lotus Flower] and gave it to Yearning For.】

Jing Huan felt sour in an instant. Wasn't Yearning For's character luck too good? He casually played an instance and still managed to get a purple ring?

He clicked on the ring to take a look at its attributes and couldn't hold himself back from uttering a "fuck".

Heal +18, endurance +17, and it had a good random effect as well — there was a slight chance of it doubling the amount of healing in battle. Although the chance was very slim, it would be more than enough if it activated just once in a PK round.

It was the perfect Mount Putuo equipment.

[Party] Love is For You to Eat: …[lemon]

[Party] Xiao Tianjing: [lemon][lemon]

[Party] Peachy Fate: Rich people will only get richer.

[Party] Long Road Ahead: Boss, bonus, quick.

[Party] Yearning For: Un.

According to the rules, Xiang Huaizhi threw 7 gold as bonus to everyone in the party.

[Party] Chunxiao: Yearning For, quote a price for that healing ring.

Chunxiao just so happened to be a Mount Putuo, and she really wanted that equipment at first sight.

[Party] Yearning For: Not selling it.

[Party] Chunxiao: Why? You can't use it anyway.

[Party] Yearning For: I can.

[Party] Chunxiao: …okay then. Contact me if you want to sell it someday.

Jing Huan had wanted to buy this ring from Yearning For as well. Although the ring was more suitable for Mount Putuos, Fairy Fox Caves could use it too.

But after seeing their conversation, he quickly dismissed that idea.

The instance party disbanded on the spot. Jing Huan let his character afk in the main city to set up a stall, then opened up the marketplace and slowly browsed through equipment.

He actually liked playing in the arena quite a bit, and it wasn't convenient to do anything without better equipment.

Unfortunately, all the equipment on the marketplace right now were too expensive, and the cheaper ones were all trash. He browsed through for half a day and still couldn't find anything.

At that moment, NCH's dialog box lit up.

[Friend] Yearning For: Where are you?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Setting up a stall in the main city 0.0

[Friend] Yearning For: Coordinates.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: 10.11, what is it Gege?

Xiang Huaizhi ran over to main city 10.11, and sure enough, he saw a little fairy fox sitting on the ground with a huge signboard on her head-

【Selling everything cheap, I can't afford to eat anymore】

He shifted his gaze and moved his finger, then threw out the Nine Brahman Lotus Flower on him.

He had just gone to his storage to take some resources he had obtained from instances and upgraded this item to have a level 5 gem, so it was now barely suitable for use.

Jing Huan saw the item that the other party had thrown over and was stunned at first before he remembered to type.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [shock][blinks]

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …did you throw wrongly?

[Friend] Yearning For: No.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Oh, oh, how much is it? I'll transfer you the money.

[Friend] Yearning For: No need. Use it to do quests, it can be used in the arena too.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: ?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [shrieks] GEGE

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE GIVING ME THIS

Xiang Huaizhi quickly typed in reply.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: AS A LOVE TOKEN?!

[Friend] Yearning For: Un.

The two messages appeared in the dialog box in the same second, one after the other.

Xiang Huaizhi, "…"

What kind of bad habit was splitting one sentence into three?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: !!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Thank you Gege!!!

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: I'll definitely cherish it! I'll upgrade its gem to level 15! I definitely won't let its durability drop below 300 points! I'll hug it to sleep every night too!! QAQ

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: [twirls][kowtows][kiss][blows a kiss]

Xiang Huaizhi's vision was a blur from all these expressions.

[Friend] Yearning For: It's not a love token, there's a condition.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Gege please speak!

[Friend] Yearning For: When you're sending expressions to me next time, you're not allowed to send more than three at a time.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Okay then[kissy]

[Friend] Yearning For: You're also not allowed to send the [kissy] expression either.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: …

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Okay QAQ

—

Juurensha: Awwwww XHZ, you have a soft spot for Huanhuan.

Zryuu: I died when Huanhuan split his sentence into 3