Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 85 – Florida Man Goes to Picnic, Forgets Hungry Alligator at Home

After losing one of his war trophies, Leo stopped collecting yin fluid. He brought the liquid to the first alchemy workshop and began a new project. He assigned the workshop mannequin to make Yin Ice Dan instead of rejuvenate tea.

After assembling the ingredients, the workshop automatically began the work. The usual timer appeared.

2 Hours, 59 Minutes, 58 Seconds…

Similar to Yang Flame Dans, its counterpart also required three hours to make.

RUMBLE

Purple aura leaked cold air from the cauldron. Soon, the area around the workshop was as chilly as the winter wind. In contrast, the second workshop was still as hot as ever as the yang flame dans increased the temperature around the building.

When the heat and cold air collided, it produced clouds. Under the flying platform, rain clouds gathered.

Wu Buyi quickly noticed the changes. He looked up and found rain clouds under the flying island. Moreover, he sensed thick water and fire element in there. He gulped, unable to imagine what the rain would be like. He wondered if he should wait outside and cultivate.

Unable to contain his curiosity, Wu Buyi approached Leo to ask him.

"Lord Florida Man, sir."

"Hmm?"

"Umm, what have you been doing? A-And, what are the pills that you're making?"

"Yin Ice Dans."

"Y-Yin pills?!"

Wu Buyi was astonished. He was aware that Leo had mastered many elements, but he didn't expect him to be good at Yin Element too.

Yin Element was exclusive to demon races, monsters, and women. In this world, only women and a few talented cultivators could cultivate them. However, if a man carelessly took in too much Yin Qi, he would mutate into monster. To maintain one's physical balance, male cultivators usually took supplements or cultivate yang element to suppress the rampaging yin Qi.

Seeing that Leo could create both Yin and Yang pills, Wu Buyi trembled in excitement. He couldn't wait to learn Leo's cultivation techniques and secrets by observing him up close.

While Wu Buyi was awestruck, Leo remembered that he hadn't used the mystic realm portal yet. He asked the alchemist.

"If I remember correctly, you once said something about the mystic realm expedition. What's an expedition?"

Wu Buyi's eyes sparkled. He thought that Leo would join Life Sword Sect's expedition team.

"Yes, yes! I'll explain. You see, every three months, all mystic realm portals on the mainland automatically open, and we can send 10 people in per gate. Every sect and clan is allowed to control one portal, and Life Sword Sect has one. You see, the mystic realms are rich with element Qi and natural resources, so every cultivator competes to earn a spot to join the expedition. When we enter the mystic realms, we have about 10-15 days to finish exploring, cultivating, and gathering whatever resources we can find. But there's always an issue since there are monster beasts, demons, and unknown creatures in every mystic realm. Sometimes, we ran into immortals, and we were forced to abort the expedition. Well, a lot of stuff happens, and things can go south very quickly."

"And you lunatics compete to get in?"

"... Yes."

Wu Buyi's pupils expanded and glittered as he seemed excited. Leo listened to him and pursed his lips as he still couldn't imagine what it would be like.

"Say, Wu Buyi."

"Y-Yes, my lord?"

"Will you join the Life Sword Sect's expedition team you talked about?"

Wu Buyi sulked as he thought of Han Hao and the sect. He confessed, "I'm afraid I can't. I missed the sect's meetings, and they've already chosen the expedition members. I'm going to sit out this season."

Leo nodded. He wiggled his finger, gesturing for Wu Buyi to follow him. The latter walked after Leo like a puppy following his owner.

Both men entered the store and reached the elevator. Leo put on the hazmat suit and helmet, preventing him from directly touching Wu Buyi by accident. Then, he got in the elevator.

"Come in."

"…"

Wu Buyi nervously entered the small glass room, and the metal doors were closed behind him. Leo pressed the cloud button, and the lift transformed both men to the mystic realm portal platform.

"EH?! WHAT?!"

It was Wu Buyi's first time riding an elevator. Unlike the young disciples, he managed to maintain his balance, but he still panicked.

DING

After the elevator reached the top floor, the doors were open. Leo led the alchemist to the center of the platform.

Wu Buyi gulped and followed Leo to the massive ring. He also looked at the four statues, which seemed to be staring down at him. Although Wu Buyi had seen the mystic realm portal of this place before, it used to be a lot smaller than this. He was shocked when he saw the massive changes.

Leo pointed at the rotating ring, "This is my mystic realm portal, and I'm planning to activate it tomorrow."

"!!!" Wu Buyi's round eyes were so large that they rivaled Japanese anime characters. He prayed that Leo would invite him to join him, "D-Does that mean…?"

"I can bring two people with me. Wanna come along?"

"YES, PLEASE!! YES!! YES!! YES-YES-YES-YES-YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSS!! WOOOOOO!!"

"…"

Wu Buyi jumped around like SpongeBob yes meme. Saliva and drool came out from his mouth while he was in tears.

Unable to look at Wu Buyi's unsightly state, Leo facepalmed and rolled his eyes. He waited for the crazy old man to get back to his senses.

Two minutes later, Wu Buyi panted and clenched his chest. Like a weak and sick elder, he looked like he was having a heart attack after a light workout.

"Oh, god. My heart. Please forgive me, my lord…"

Leo nodded in understanding. He had been in a similar condition before when he was a human, "Don't worry. We're all old. I know how that feels."

Wu Buyi sat down and paced his breathing. Leo tossed him a water canteen, filled with pinnacle rejuvenate tea. The former caught it and drank everything in glee.

The alchemist didn't notice it, but he drastically grew younger. Instead of looking like a 70-year-old mummy, he looked like a well-built man in his 50s. He also grew a fullbeard.

Curious, Leo checked Wu Buyi's status again.

.

Name: Wu Buyi

Age: 108

Remaining Lifespan: 1,045 Years, 3 Months, 26 Days, 10 Hours

.

Leo frowned. The last time he checked, Wu Buyi only had 400ish years to live. It seemed that he had been working hard or making progress in cultivation.

"Tell me, Wu Buyi."

"Yes, master?"

"How many pills have you eaten since the last time you received the commission."

Wu Buyi pondered. He counted his fingers and looked up, "Probably 20ish. I usually eat the best pills I concoct while I give the rest to the sect or my customers. Why?"

That was scummy, Leo thought.

"Won't the sect or the customers cuss you that you stole the pills?"

"Even if they know, they can't do anything, master. This is the perk of our occupation. We usually made more than 10 pills per batch so why not eat one or two and tell them we made 8? If they complain about it, we just eat them all and tell the customers that we failed. What are they gonna do if we eat the pills we were supposed to give to the customers? They can't do crap! If they want us to make pills, we get dictate how many pills they will get! Simple!"

Leo gapsed in shock.

"You sick bastard. How could you take advantage of your precious customers? You dirty dog is so dispicaple that I have no word to describe you, Wu Buyi. You're a freaking genius! I love that idea and what you did! Amazing!"

"Hehehe, thank you, master!"

He found Wu Buyi's idea ingenious and nodded at him in approval. Still, Leo suspected that Wu Buyi already made them since he had immortal grass. He ignored the unethical behavior of Wu Buyi and continued asking. 

"By the way, did you make longevity pills or something?"

"Of course not, master. How could I? Those pills take years to make, and I need a heart of a 9th-grade monster. I'm planning to get that from the imperial court's auction house after this season's expedition."

"…"

Leo had a bad feeling about this. If the longevity pills took years to make, would the workshop take months to finish one batch? He shook off the thoughts and prevented his ADHD to act up. Then, he went back to the main topic.

"This portal is still new, and it only allows three people to get in at a time. Including you and me, there's one more spot. Go pick one of your disciples here and tell him to get ready by tomorrow morning. Finish everything you need to do."

"YES, MY LORD!"

Wu Buyi laughed and ran toward the edge of the platform. Before Leo could say anything, the guy jumped down and flew toward his house.

"…"

Leo was speechless. He wondered if Wu Buyi had a hysterical issue or if he was infected by the Florida Man's disease.

.

.

While Leo prepared for the expedition, the other sects also prepared theirs. The Life Sword Sect already briefed the expedition members about what to bring along and what not to do inside.

Meanwhile, Tang Xuan returned to his pavilion and rested on a chair. He let out a long sigh and emptied his mind.

BZZ

Unfortunately, someone contacted him via telepathy. A voice transmission rang in his mind, and the voice belonged to his son, Tang Ting. The message echoed.

'Father, will you return home and join us in this season's expedition? I've peeked into the crack, and I think we're going to a forest type next.'

Tang Xuan waved his hand even though Tang Ting couldn't see him.

"Nah, I'm exhausted. You and the Sixth Element's elders can go. Also, don't forget to pick five disciples with you. Our clan has 10 seats, and the sect has 10 seats, right? Allocate five for the disciples in the sect, and give five to the clan's children. As for the rest, share them among the elders."

'If you say so, Father. Well, take care of yourself. You've been working so hard lately. I can't even go and see you.'

"Worry about yourself, you damn brat. You're 800, but you're acting like you're 16. Think of your image as the Clan Leader!"

'Hehe. Sorry, father. Old habit.'

His son hung up the call. Tang Xuan rubbed his temples and leaned back. He then thought about what he had done so far.

"Because of those idiots, we provoked that immortal. This is troublesome…"

.

.

Meanwhile, Sixth Element Sect gathered five promising disciples in front of their mystic realm portal. One of the elders looked at the winners of their sect's internal tournament for a moment before he shifted his gaze toward a young alchemist.

The alchemist used to have pimples everywhere when he was just a Qi condensation stage. But now, he became a refined young man, and many female commoners admired him.

The elder called the champion of the recent tournament, "Jin Yong! You will be the captain of the disciple team! As you're the strongest alchemist here, make sure you protect the others!"

"Yes, senior!"

Jin Yong, a former customer of Leo, smiled at the elder. He once bought poison grain pills from Leo, and he raised his cultivation base to the first rank of the golden core stage by consuming those pills.

He had recently been promoted to a core disciple of the Sixth Element Sect after that tournament. Many elders competed to take him in as their direct disciples, but he coudln't accept them as a master yet. After all, a certain Tang Clan member had an eye on him.

"Go pack your belongings and come back here tomorrow morning. Make sure that you have enough grain pills, healing pills, and life-saving talismans. We're not going on a picnic! Don't forget about the danger, especially you, Jin Yong! Even if Senior Tang Ting favors you, you can always screw up and get yourself killed in there!"

"… Yes, senior." Jin Yong pouted.

"You're dismissed! Don't be late!"