Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 135 – Florida Man Attempted Time Traveling, Crashed His Brand New Ferrari Roma into Trees.

DING

DING

DING

Sometimes, a man should reward himself for his hard work. Leo also blessed himself with fancy sports cars even though he had no intention to drive them anywhere.

Ferrari, Lamborghini, Bugatti, Pagani, Rolls-Royce, Porches, Mercedes, Leo purchased one each and parked them on the second floor. When they were lined up in a column, these colorful exotic cars strangely sparkled under the LED light.

However, Leo wasn't satisfied. As each car came out as a default setting, it required gasoline to function. Thus, Leo tampered with it by using the system to upgrade it.

DING

The cars averagely cost 2,000 years of lifespan, except the Rolls-Royce and Bugatti. The upgrade price was also the same. Thus, Leo only upgraded every car once.

After spending 40,000 years of lifespan in these cars, the vehicles no longer needed batteries or gasoline. Instead, it required its driver to charge its fuel by filling the fuel tank with either spirit stones or essence stones.

Their fuel tank was also changed. It could automatically crush and dispose of the stones through a new exhaust.

Leo peeked under every car and admired the new exhausts.

"It's weird. So, if I drive it, it will crush my essence stones and pour out the dust through this exhaust? Why don't you just use a Qi battery or something?"

As the upgraded car looked interesting, Leo checked his current lifespan.

<Current Lifespan – 510,196 Years…>

He was rich!

Leo puffed his chest as he thought of the talismans that he got from the Fatui Cult's underground city. So far, he had already eaten all of them, including random pills from their spatial rings.

Although those talisman papers caused him to defecate bricks every morning for a week, the result was worth the trouble.

"Eh, how about upgrading one of the cars to level 9?"

Curious about the system's effects, Leo purchased another car. He picked the cheapest one from the sports car catalog, the Ferrari Roma, which only cost him 250 years of lifespan. For the sake of traditions, Leo picked the red one. 

Leo put his hand on it and upgraded the car 8 times, spending another 2,000 YOL.

CLINK-CLINK

As if the vehicle turned into Optimus Prime, it shapeshifted for a few minutes. When it stopped, it reverted to the default look.

Leo opened the door and inspected the interior. Everything looked the same, except the gears and gearbox.

"Where is the gear? Isn't this supposed to be the dual-clutch transmission?"

Instead of finding a gear handle or something similar, there was a glass pad with a handprint on it.

Seeing the hand pad, Leo frowned. He couldn't imagine driving this car while pressing his hand on the glowing pad as it would be uncomfortable. Still, for the sake of the experiment, he needed to try it.

Leo stored the car in his spatial ring and brought it out in front of his store, where he had made a concrete road. After putting the vehicle on the road, Leo opened his store domain system and expanded the street.

Concrete road completely cut across the entire domain from east to west. However, Leo wasn't satisfied. He created another path to the north and south, forming a T intersection at the east border area.

A road course wouldn't be completed without another parallel way. Leo added another road on the north edge, moving from the east to the west. Then, he dragged the road down to the south. Leo repeated the process and made the southwest road meet with the southeast.

A temporary race track was created with the center road as a pit lane. Leo widely grinned as he looked forward to testing his vehicle.

"I hope no idiot crosses the road while I'm playing. Anyway, time to vroom-vroom!"

Leo hopped into the cockpit and started the car. He revved the engine to hear the sweet sound.

VRRRRRRR

As Leo had hoped for, it was beautiful.

However, by doing so, he caused a commotion. Life Sword Sect's disciples and elders who had been busy in the farms heard it and came to look. Even Gao Yan, Wu Buyi, and the alchemy team stopped working and came to see the commotion.

"What's that?"

"A carriage?"

"No, it doesn't look like a carriage. There are no horses."

"Stupid. That might be a flying ship of Lord Florida Man. Who knows what kind of artifact he has."

"Wrong. I have seen many warships from other sects. That is not a ship."

"Then, what is that?"

"I don't know!"

The onlookers speculated and guessed what the red vehicle was. As they were afraid of offending Leo, they kept their distance and whispered among themselves.

Fortunately, there was a shameless man among them. Wu Buyi was familiar with Leo the most, and he wasn't afraid of his scolding.

The alchemist walked to the side of the car and leaned over. He looked inside the car and tilted his head.

"My lord. What are you doing in there? What is this?"

Leo proudly smirked, "My ride."

"Ride?"

"Back off and watch."

"???"

"Tell the guys on the road to move too if they don't want me to run them over."

"…"

Wu Buyi still didn't understand what this red metal thing with wheels could do. Still, he waved his hand and chased everybody in front of the Ferrari away. The crowd got out of the road as instructed, but they gathered behind the car.

After the path was cleared, Leo was ready to test-drive this machine. As he had no clue how the car worked, he put his palm on the handprint console.

DING

<Scanning…>

"Oh?"

A robotic female voice notified Leo of the car's strange system. He was surprised, but he continued pressing his palm on the console.

<Registering the driver…>

<Please tell me your name.>

Leo paused for a moment. He almost said his true name, but he hated the idea. Thus, he discarded the American name and chose to use his alias as it sounded more pleasant.

"Florida Man!"

<Affirmative. Master Florida Man has been registered as the car owner.>

<Please be advised. Unless you grant permission to the new driver, nobody can drive this vehicle.>

"…Wow."

Leo was impressed with the new security system. It sounded like it came from a sci-fi movie.

<You can remove your hand from the console. Please enjoy the ride.>

"Cool!"

Leo laughed and put his hand on the wheel. He fiddled with the side sticks and checked the wheel's features if digital gears existed.

It wasn't hard to locate the gear paddles behind the wheel. Seeing the paddles, Leo was relieved as they still looked similar to modern sports cars.

Slowly, Leo tried to recall the old memory when he was still a human. He shifted to the first gear and lightly on the gas to get back his feeling.

Unfortunately, Leo forgot that he had upgraded this vehicle to a monstrous artifact.

VRRRRRRRR

Leo's back was pressed on his seat as the car suddenly accelerated. The digital speedometer instantly jumped from 0 to 300mph!

As Leo was caught off guard, he jetted forward and got off the road in seconds.

"JESUS, TAKE THE WHEEL!"

Leo screamed as he saw the approaching large tree ahead. He accidentally pulled the wheel toward him.

It moved like a commercial plane's wheel.

BOOM!

The vehicle crashed the tree head-on. However, the iron pine tree shattered in half upon impact!

BOOM!

BOOM!

However, the impact didn't stop the momentum of the car. It kept on going even though its four wheels were off the ground for a second.

Leo frowned as he expected the airbag to come out, but nothing happened. Moreover, he saw a faint layer of barrier around the car as it blasted through the obstacles.

After hitting the seventh tree, the car ceased moving. It parked in the middle of the rocky terrain while a tree trunk supported the chassis from underneath. The prestige Ferrari car became a see-saw.

Leo opened the door and came out of the vehicle to see the mess he made.

Strangely, the front hood was unharmed and unscratched. The headlights still looked as new, and the bumper was intact.

He looked at the chassis next as he was worried that the wheels and the tires might be misaligned. Fortunately, nothing was dented or damaged. Surprisingly, the trunk that supported the car's bottom chassis didn't even touch anything.

The entire car floated on top of the trunk by an inch.

"Dafuq?"

Leo scratched his head and looked at the system item in astonishment. He had no idea what the system did to the normal-looking sports car.

As Leo couldn't drive the car at this stage, he stored the vehicle in his spatial ring. Then, he leaped back to the general store.

Upon arrival, Han Hao, Han Meng, Wu Buyi, and Xu Nuan surrounded him.

"Sir, what happened?! Are we under attack?"

Leo scratched his head and pursed his lips. He was too embarrassed to confess that he crashed his car.

"Nothing happened. I just tested my stupid artifact."

"Artifact? That red thing, sir?" Han Hao gazed at the carnage at the edge of the store domain. Seven iron pine trees on the path fell, leaving a trail of dust behind.

Leo coughed, "It's in the experiment stage, so I need a lot of practice. Anyway, nothing to see here. Disperse! Disperse!"

"…"

The elder group looked skeptical as the vehicle just now emitted a strong aura of a quasi-immortal. Still, as it was Leo's toy, they chose not to question him.

After the crowd went back to their posts, Leo switched his location. He leaped to the west road, where nobody wandered around.

Leo gently put the sports car back on the road and tried again. This time, he didn't step on the gas pedal and let the car move by its default gear.

VRRRRR

Even though Leo didn't step on the gas, the car sped up and stabilized at 100mph. He stepped on the brake several times to decelerate. However, it went back to the same speed again.

Confused, Leo put his palm on the console and asked the car.

"Alexa! Siri! Google! Whatever your name is, how do I decrease the default speed?!"

DING

<You can inject your Qi into the console and adjust the default speed of each gear.>

"…That's it?"

<Yes.>

For some reason, Leo's kidneys were hurt. He also had the urge to smack his forehead for the stupid resolution.

Following the suggestion, Leo minimized his Qi usage and injected his Qi into the console.

DING

A new system window appeared in front of the wheel. Unlike Leo's system, it was a screen, projected by the vehicle.

[Transmission Settings]

"…"

Leo bitterly smiled. The more he saw the changes, the more he realized that the system was weird.

.

.

Although Leo might not be an engineer, he read a lot when he was on Earth during his free time. He also used to temper with cars during the post-apocalypse era as nobody was there to help him. Gearbox tuning was one of Leo's hobbies back then before all metal and spare parts in the world rotted in rust.

The car system made the tuning easier. With the graphs and detailed statistics, Leo decreased the acceleration spike by 90%, allowing the car to run at an Earthling speed.

Still, several features of the settings made Leo laugh.

[Flight Settings]

[Autopilot Settings]

[Shield and Safety Settings]

With just these options, Leo found himself a new hobby that he could enjoy other than building his shopping mall empire.

"Oh, boy. This is going to be fun!"

.

.

While Leo had fun with his new toy, a cultivator had been floating over the Magpie City.

Tang Xuan gazed at the Life Sword Sect, which seemed desolate. He couldn't see any deacon or disciple around. Instead, he found several homeless commoners and beggars taking shelter in an outer disciple's barrack.

"What happened to Hua Jiashan? Where is he?"

Tang Xuan gazed at the east, where Leo's general store was. He narrowed his eyes as he noticed a lot of changes in the area. As he thought of Leo, he recalled the recent mysterious incidents.

'Someone killed the second prince. Situ Nantian mysteriously retreated and went into seclusion after the expedition. The third prince made a fuss in the court and accused Yan Luo that he raided the Fatui Cult. So many things are happening at the same time.'

Tang Xuan narrowed his eyes as the face of an eccentric old man appeared in his mind. He still remembered Leo's face vividly.

'That man appeared, and everything went to hell. But if Florida Man was behind Situ Nantian's seclusion and the death of the second prince, Yan Xiang would never reconcile with him anymore. Actually, my guts are telling me that Florida Man did it, including the destruction of the Fatui Cult. If that's the case, I have to pick sides. I can't be neutral in this mess or Yan Xiang will rope me in as usual.'

Tang Xuan calculated the pros and cons for an hour. He deeply inhaled and made up his mind. Then, he contacted his son and his clansmen, using his voice transmission.

"Tian'er, are you there?"

Tang Tian, who was on the other side of the continent, heard his father's voice. He replied with his thoughts, but Tang Xuan could hear him clearly.

'What's wrong, father?'

"We will resign from the imperial court."

'What?! But why?! We and Yan Xiang have been allies for centuries!'

"Not anymore. Something has to change."

'What happened, father?! Is there something urgent?'

"There is…"

Tang Xuan thought of Leo. He still remembered the strange aura and his unique charisma.

Although his loyalty had been to the Yan Empire for countless years, Tang Xuan's instinct was never wrong. When he heard that Leo killed the second prince, he was sure that a major war between quasi-immortals would break out soon, and the loser's side would be erased from history.

And that loser would be Yan Xiang and his men, the Situ Clan and Ouyang Clan included!

There was no point staying on a sinking ship, Tang Xuan made up his mind to ally himself with Leo. After all, he might be the key to improving his clan's status.

Tang Xuan deeply inhaled and strengthened his focus. He answered Tang Tian.

"A major war will break out soon, and Yan Xiang will definitely lose. We have to switch sides before that happens! I want you to migrate everybody out of the manor and bring them to Magpie City, RIGHT NOW!"

'EH?! NOW?! B-But father, aren't you jumping to conclusions too early? There's no sign of war!'

"It will happen. Did you know that someone killed the second prince and destroyed the Fatui Cult?"

'WHAT?!'

"Someone is targeting the Yan Empire, and a new quasi-immortal suddenly shows up on our land. Don't you think it's strange?"

'…'

"I don't care what you think, but I trust my guts. We need to move before the others. In the upcoming gathering, we will take sides with the new force!"

Tang Xuan and Tang Tian spent hours chatting. When it was dark, Tang Xuan flew toward Leo's general store to deliver an invitation to the imperial court's gathering.