Florida Man's General Store in Cultivation World



Chapter 112 – The Congress Denied the Threat of Functioning Alien Spaceship after Florida Man Fired Death Star Beam from Excavated Spaceship in His Backyard

After the long sale pitch, Hua Jiashan finally surrendered. However, he asked Leo if he could keep operating the Life Sword Sect as a sword school, which Leo had no issue with that.

Leo turned to Dongfang Mei, wondering if she would be interested to join him.

"What about you? Will you move your sanctuary to my territory? We have a permanent mystic realm portal, and we have essence stones."

Dongfang Mei bitterly smiled. She had seen many men soliciting her and her people for their selfish agenda. From her perspective, Leo was similar to those men.

Still, Dongfang Mei could tell the differences between lecherous old men and sincere ones. Leo had a weird playful and naïve demeanor, which young boys usually had. She didn't detect any lewd air from him.

As Dongfang Mei hadn't known Leo for long enough, she planned to wait and see. The elder raised her finger and was about to decline the offer.

"SMASH!!"

A certain weird unicorn interrupted their conversation. The loud voice of Taxi came from a distance, followed by a thunderous noise of an explosion.

A shockwave of the explosion hit the pagoda. The entire structure trembled while dust fell from the ceiling. Everybody stopped talking. Then, they looked through the windows, gazing at the north.

Far of a distance, Taxi had been fighting with a flying black caiman. As both creatures could use thunder and lightning, their fight was loud.

Leo deeply sighed as he recognized the unicorn. Worrying that the horse might lose, he rubbed his ring and searched for the red flying sword.

"Hmm? Ah, silly me. I forgot."

He forgot that he jumped off the sword. It was not in his spatial ring. In addition, Leo had no clue how to retrieve it remotely.

While rumbling through the pocket space in his spatial rings, Leo found the spare handgun that he had purchased earlier. He also had a magazine full of rubber bullets. 

As Leo couldn't go there to help Taxi, he could at least provide a covering fire. He pulled out his handgun and unlocked the safety. Then, he took aim.

Dongfang Mei, Hua Jiashan, and the elders were curious about Leo's newest artifact as they had never seen it before. The pistol's structure, shape, and utility were foreign to them.

WHOOSH

Leo charged the pistol with his Qi thread. Like before, it emitted rainbow light.

He measured the distance and calculated the caiman's movement speed. Unfortunately, they were at least 200 kilometers away from the pagoda, and it seemed impossible to accurately hit anything.

Leo pondered if he should just YOLO and fire it. He pursed his lips and lowered his gun.

"Senior, what are you doing?" Asked Hua Jiashan.

Leo took a deep breath and ignored the crowd. He silently ordered his system.

'Upgrade the gun to level 8.'

<Affirmative.>

The gun's appearance remained the same. However, the materials of the pistol were no longer polymer or metal. The alloy transformed into something else entirely, which didn't exist on Earth.

Leo rubbed the CZ 75 in his hand and sensed the similarity between his blood and the mysterious gun frame.

'This should do it.'

Betting on the newly upgraded pistol, Leo aimed again. This time, he filled the rubber round with his Qi threads until it was full.

He pulled the trigger.

PSHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUU

The weird sound of the pistol was the only thing everybody heard before Leo took one step backward because of the absurd recoil.

Because of the whizzed noise and Leo's action, nobody paid attention to the result of the shot, except Leo.

"Senior, umm, can you explain what you have been doing?" Again, Hua Jiashan wished to learn more about the artifact in Leo's hands.

Leo deeply sighed and gazed at the smoking pistol. It was overheated, and the entire gun frame was bright red. He then looked up and checked the result.

The rubber round was indeed fired.  However, no explosion or flashy atomic bomb erupted.

'Weird. I thought I would have fired a laser beam or Death Star's cannon. This thing seems lackluster…'

BOOOOOOOOM

When Leo gave up on the gun, a rainbow light flashed from the north. The explosion was round and small, but the light was too bright.

A small white hole was created, which repelled every object nearby outward and emanated blinding light.

All elders either covered or closed their eyes as they couldn't see through the light. Only Leo brazenly gazed into the blinding flashbang of his little bomb. His pupils were so small that they almost disappeared.

"Odd."

Leo put the gun away and walked to a window to get a better look. He stood there for several minutes.

It took ten minutes before the light subsided. When the rainbow light faded from the sky, everybody could open their eyes to see the result.

"What happened?"

The elders rushed to the windows to gaze toward the north, where Leo had launched a mysterious object toward that location.

The horned caiman was gone. Rather, it was evaporated to nothingness. The white hole also vanished and left behind the remnant of carnage and the destruction power of an immortal.

"SMASH T-T"

The unicorn wobbly flew toward the pagoda. Its speed was a lot slower than usual as it only sprinted in the sky with the speed of sound.

When Taxi got closer, Leo noticed something hilarious. He burst into laughter.

The white gorgeous unicorn was charred black. Instead of calling him a graceful unicorn, he became a "Nightmare".

"Ay, yo, Taxi! I didn't know you were black. I always thought you were white!"

Taxi approached the pagoda and entered it through a window. He glanced at Leo and snorted.

"SMASH!! D:"

"No, I didn't mean to sound racist, but boy, you look gorgeous in black!"

"SMASH!!! D:<"

"Sorry, sorry. I won't use that term anymore. Anyway…"

Leo giggled and pointed his finger and Taxi. He ordered his cancer cells to use water element essence and Qi to produce fresh water.

PHOOSH

His fingers became high-pressured water hose. They sprayed beams of water and wiped away the black dust that dirtied Taxi's skin.

Taxi smiled and let Leo bathe him. A few minutes later, he was cleaned.

"Done!"

Leo pointed one of his fingers at his mouth and drank a few gulps of water. Then, he disabled the water jet stream ability.

"Smash <3"

"You're welcome, boy."

"Smash!"

Taxi nudged his head at Leo's face. The latter also patted the horse.

While petting the pony, Leo recalled that he hadn't finished the deal yet. He turned around to resume the topic.

"Umm, sorry for the distraction. Anyway, Ma'am. Will your sanctuary move to my domain?"

"…"

Dongfang Mei looked back and forth between Leo and Taxi. The corners of her mouth curved up. Even Xu Nuan and others began to giggle as they figured out the nature of Leo's character.

Not only the unicorns loved virgin men and women, but they also followed people with pure hearts. If this unicorn showed affection toward Leo, the latter couldn't be a vile old man.

Dongfang Mei stopped being on guard. If this unicorn was this obedient, then she could trust Leo.

"Senior Florida Man, our Amazonian Sanctuary will move to your domain. We will migrate the outer disciples, initiates, and children to your domain first to build a shelter for us. Then, we'll plan about future projects later."

Hearing that Dongfang Mei approved of the merge, Leo was overjoyed. With more workers, he could expand his farms beyond the boundary of his domain.

"Alright! Well, for now, you should bring your people back to your sect and sanctuary. We can come back to this mystic realm whenever we want anyway."

Hua Jiashan, Han Hao, Dongfang Mei, Xu Nuan, and the other elders brightly smiled as they no longer had to be cautious about the time limit and the quota anymore. They bowed to Leo and bid farewell. Yao Qiqi also said goodbye to Leo and followed her mentor back.

.

After the group was gone, Leo wiped his sweat and deeply sighed.

The day was long. At first, he almost fought Xu Nuan for trying to give him Yao Qiqi. Fortunately, they cleared up the misunderstandings, and Leo managed to persuade them to merge their sects with his future company.

'I'm done with this quest. I should go back and check the store.'

Leo thought of Cat and the hundred unicorn friends of Taxi. He was concerned that the little plant girl might get bullied by those nasty ponies.

"Taxi, can you help me find my lost flying sword? I dropped it somewhere in the town."

"Smash?"

"Yeah, I don't know how to pilot flying swords. Wait, what do you mean by "Marking the artifact"?"

"Smash? Smash!"

Taxi smirked and mocked Leo for being stupid. He then explained how human cultivators and monster beasts could claim ownership of magic items, artifacts, and treasures by using their Qi and essence.

Similar to spatial rings, artifacts of this world could be locked and branded. Only a stronger cultivator or the owners could erase the brands and make the artifacts their own. Once branded with their Qi, new owners could remotely summon them with a thought.

After learning the new information, Leo was inspired. He slapped Taxi's leg to thank him.

"Man, what could I do without your advice? You're really helpful, dude."

"Smash :E"

Taxi showed Leo his ugly smile once again.

.

After retrieving the missing flying sword with Taxi's help, Leo rode on the horse's back, heading back to the starting point.

When Leo arrived at the campsite, Gao Yan was no longer around. Only Wu Buyi was present. However, he looked exhausted for a certain reason. His cheeks sank, and there were black rings under his eyes. In addition, his right arm was strangely swelled as if he only used it to work out for a long period.

Leo gave Wu Buyi a disgusted look.

"Did you have fun, Wu Buyi?"

Wu Buyi snapped back to his senses. Although exhausted, he smiled at Leo and kowtowed.

"My lord! Your artifact is amazing! I've learned a lot from this artifact! I no longer need women anymore!"

Leo facepalmed, regretting that he accidentally corrupted this alchemist.

"Don't overdo it."

"Haha! Don't worry, my lord. We, cultivators, are not like commoners! Normal men can only do it once or twice a day on average, but cultivators like us can squeeze a hundred rounds with ease!"

"…"

Leo silently gazed at Wu Buyi's shelter. Although he couldn't see inside, his nose already caught the unpleasant scent from the deeds.

Not wanting to continue discussing the private activity, Leo changed the subject.

"Where is Gao Yan?"

"Oh," Wu Buyi finally remembered that he left Gao Yan alone for too long. He looked around, but he couldn't find him.

Upon realizing that Gao Yan was not in the camp, Wu Buyi sweated profusely.

"Umm, senior. Do you know where Gao Yan is?"

"…"

Leo quietly pulled out a paper fan and smacked Wu Buyi's head.

"THAT'S WHY I'M ASKING YOU! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ANSWER MY QUESTION, NOT ASK ME THE SAME QUESTION I ASKED YOU!"

"EEP! I'M SORRY!"

Leo smacked Wu Buyi a few more times as this idiot needed some whipping.

.

.

Meanwhile, Gao Yan strolled in the forest, following the instructions of his sentient dao avatar.

The spirit girl brought Gao Yan across the south river and entered a secret cave, where another ruin was located. Thora pointed at the cave and narrated the backstory of her ancestor. 

'This was the place where the previous lightning element spirit queen resided. She was also the creator of those lewd unicorns and horned caimans.'

"Wow."

'And under this cave, we also hid a great artifact. Follow me. I'll show you something good!'

"Okay, okay. Don't rush!"

The two entered the cave together. A few minutes later, Gao Yan walked through the natural cave and descended to the underground level.

Walking further into the underground cave, Gao Yan discovered an underground area. The underground dome was 20 meters tall and covered 20,000 square meters.

There was also something in the middle.

"T-This!!"

Gao Yan stopped his feet as he gazed at the gigantic metal saucer structure in the middle of the dome room.

Had Leo been there, he would have screamed in shock. It was an alien spaceship!

Thora flew into the mysterious alien ship.

PSHOOOSH

A few seconds later, a portion of the ship moved, opening a door for Gao Yan to get in.

'Come in, master. I know an artifact that you can use.'