Faithful to Buddha, Faithful to You

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After he left that night, he really didn't come again. I thought I could be calm, but every night from five o'clock, I stayed in the house and stared at the door until the lights in the city went out. I wandered around the old city of Subash with a sketchbook every day. When I walked, I always swayed to the entrance of the Queli Temple. Until the monk who knew me greeted me, I suddenly woke up and ran away. My heart is very uncomfortable. It seems that there are tens of millions of small hands grasping and pulling, which makes me always hold the sketchbook while working. I can't help drawing his appearance over and over again, and then wipe it off over and over again.

It was only two days before Su Muzhe, and he was still missing. Su Muzhe is over, I have to leave Guizi anyway. Alas, can you meet him before leaving? In fact, the best way is to understand what you don't see. When you leave, you will forget...

At night I curled up in bed and stared at the door in a daze. The pile of books that once fascinated me was not in front of my eyes. It's ten o'clock, and the nightlife of ten o'clock in the 21st century has just begun, and in this era, ten o'clock is really a quiet night. I sighed, and another night passed.

Suddenly the door was knocked, the sound was not heavy, but it was particularly striking. Then the voice of Morboden talking to people rang in the courtyard. It's Sanskrit! It's him!

My heart snapped and immediately jumped out of bed and ran out. He stood in the yard and talked to Moboxun, unable to see his expression in the dim light. My doubts are getting bigger and bigger, and if there is nothing unexpected, he will not come back so late. I always felt something happened.

Mo Poxun rubbed his sleepy eyes and returned to the house. He came to me at a slow pace, as if he could hardly lift his footsteps.

"So late at night, Rosh shouldn't have come..." His voice actually shivered. "It's just that I'm so depressed, I'm walking around, I've come here. I have been wandering outside the door for a long time, and I can't help knocking."

He looked up at me, and the lights in the room showed through, seeing the sadness on his face. What happened to Rosh, who had always been calm, had such a sad look?

Take a look at the man who was helpless in the courtyard. I said in the softest voice: "Rosh, shall we go out for a walk?"

He looked at me in disbelief, with a trace of gratitude in his eyes, and then he dropped his head: "You, put on a coat, the night is cold..."

The entire Subash was silent, and all the lights on the street had long been extinguished. Fortunately, the moon was shining brightly, and it could still see the road underfoot. We walked all the way, still silent. Want to come, this is my first time with him so late. He's afraid, he's also a bit cautious.

Subashi is only a small town with religious significance greater than military significance. Therefore, there is no city wall that is usually necessary in a city. After walking a few steps, he left the city and walked to the Tongchang River outside the city. It is summer that the river is turbulent, and the noise is very clear in the silent night.

We found a big rock by the river and sat down. I curled my knees and looked at him quietly. Moonlight splashed on him, showing a halo of light.

"I'm here at Master Ji, the guest master of Theravada."

"Panto Dado?" There is a record in the biography of Kumarajiva saying Mahayana doctrines for Panto Dado, his master.

"How do you know his name?"

"Ah, I..." Suddenly, of course, I didn't know until I read the information.

"By the way, I told you. You can't remember what you said ten years ago."

Did he tell me when he was little? Why don’t I remember? (

Chapter twelve, Roche mentioned, "... I followed the master monk Panto Dado to learn the Theravada Buddhism...")

I embarrassedly shifted the topic: "Did you tell him the Mahayana teachings?"

He nodded: "These days, Roche has been studying Mahayana doctrine with Master, distinguishing the essence of Mahayana, and has won the Master's recognition. Although Master respected Rosh as the Mahayana, and recognized the achievements of Roche's new theory, he was still Master Theravada."

I nodded. In the world of Buddhism, if you want to establish your ultimate authority on doctrine, it is important to debate and win recognition with teachers who bring you into the door of Buddhist teachings, even for people like Roche. . And obviously Roche is the last winner of this tug-of-war debate. Although Panto Dado finally said "Li Shi is a teacher", he did not change his doctrine. At least he did not give up his status as Rosh's "little rider". Is this why he is depressed?

"Rosh, everyone has their own position. You can persuade him to respect you as a Mahayana teacher. Why do you have to give him up?"

He looked at me strangely: "Rosh was not arrogant enough to ask Master to give up the Theravada."

"Then why are you so sad?"

He suddenly fell silent, staring at the river and staring for a long time. "My mother..." He bit his thin lips, he seemed to be bleeding, and said with a trembling voice: "Master only told me today, my mother went to Tianzhu, three months ago... three months ago The previous... has entered the three fruits."

I didn’t quite understand it, and asked, "What is "Three Fruits"? Isn't it a good thing?"

He sighed, took a deep breath, and answered gently: "The three fruits are the second highest fruit position Anāgāmin among the four fruit positions that the monks can reach." He still puzzled me and explained, "Anāgāmin can Translated as no return. That is to say, to prove this result, to live in Wujing and live in the sky after the death, the meditation deepens, and when it comes to the destiny, it is liberation, and it will no longer be returned to the ordinary life and death world.

He swallowed his throat and took another deep breath, but his voice was trembling: "Mother must finally practice the fruit, jump out of the cycle, and Yongdeng is very happy..."

what! I finally turned my head, and he said so much, just to tell me that the old woman, the old woman, died in Tianzhu... The historical data only records that the old woman left Qizi alone and arrived in India. Then there is no written record, it turns out that she died in India. And this news, he has just heard from Dadotou...

I looked at him blankly, no wonder he was so mournful, the senior woman had a great influence on his life, no one could compare. It was the mother who brought him into Buddhism, it was the mother who did not want him to be too sought after in Guizi, and he took him to Dianbin. It was the mother who encouraged him to study Mahayana. Before he was twenty, everything was arranged by the mother. She was not a good wife for Jomo Moroyan, but for Roche, she was a good mother, a leader, and a guide.

"Rosh, if you are sad..."

"No!" He suddenly raised his voice and said quickly: "I'm not sad. The mother entered the Three Fruits, and the Buddha she asked for relief from her family, finally got it. She entered the Western Elysium world and has no worries ever since. , Why am I sad, why should I be sad!"

His chest was undulating, and the fool could hear his words insincerely.

"Rosh," I patted his arm gently: "It's normal for you to feel sad. Because you have love, you love your mother. Then why not vent your love for her?"

"Love?" He murmured the word, as if he had a heavy weight, so heavy that he could tremble: "The Buddha said, everything is empty, everything is empty. Rosh is a practitioner, how can there be love?" ?"

"Buddhism says that everything is bitter, old and dead, resentment, love, and whatever you want, so the root of suffering is love. If you can exterminate love and desire, you will be able to get nirvana, and you will be free from the six reincarnations and enter the eternal world. In fact, the Buddha himself Is there no eroticism? He has wives and sons, is he also concerned? He proposed to destroy eroticism precisely because he suffered from eroticism? However, if the eroticism can really be destroyed, the Buddha needs to get it when he dies. Free? Nirvana, extinction, extinction, extinction, silence, inanimate, selective extinction, disengagement, extrication, no matter how many names are called, are synonymous with death. Only death can destroy all desires , Buddha himself, I am afraid that he also knows this truth. Therefore, he portrayed a post-death world, a western bliss world, to make up for the various discards of this world for the extermination of love. But why must...

"Ai Qing!" He interrupted me heavily, trembling the corner of his mouth, holding his head in pain: "Stop talking..."

He tilted his head so that I could not see his face. His shoulders undulated in the moonlight, and he could hear his rapid breathing. I stood up, turned to him, stretched my arms around his neck, and gently embraced him in my arms. He suddenly froze, although he didn't push me away, he seemed to stop breathing.

"Cry, you are a person, you are not a god. Sad for your loved ones, there is nothing wrong with it. If you want to cry, you will cry a lot. That way, you will feel better..."

I patted his back gently, although he was so tall, but thin and distressing. At this moment, I really want to turn into a senior woman and comfort her for her.

He paused for a while, stretched his hands forward a little crampedly, and surrounded me with his arms. His movements are very light, as if I were a paper man and would be crushed.

"Ai Qing!" He felt his chest rise and fall, and the force on his arm was gradually increasing, holding me tighter and tighter.

"Ai Qing!" He whispered to me again, there was some warm damp on his shoulder, the wind blew through, cooled quickly, and was immediately infected with the new warm humidity. Finally, he was able to cry like a normal person.

He cried for a long time, as if he had never cried in this life, and at this moment, he should pour out all the tears of his life. I accompanied him to cry, and we embraced like this until we had cried all the strength until...

I don't know how long it took, and we all finally subsided. I have never cried like this, it seems that I have lost all my strength, and leaning on him will not let me collapse. He stopped crying, but he still hugged me, and the warmth from him ironed my heart. I am so greedy for this embrace that I dare not say a word, fearing that what I say will break the atmosphere. In the end, he let me go, the moonlight had disappeared, he couldn't see his expression, only he heard slowly:

"Mother knew that Roche had always wanted to spread Mahayana to Handi. When she left, she once said to Rosh: Mahayana teachings, to spread to the Eastern Territory, depends on my strength. But this great cause, for me , But there is no slight advantage. My mother asked me what to do."

I was still immersed in the emotion just now, did not speak, looked at him blankly. He paused, and then said: "I answer my mother: Mahayana, benefit others and forget yourself. If Roche can spread Buddha's teachings and awaken enlightened beings, even if he suffers from the furnace soup, Roche There is no resentment."

While his mother was there, Roche was a genius who was carefully blessed. Although he is extremely clever, he is like a flower in a greenhouse, untested. With the departure of his mother, at this moment, he must rely on perseverance to stick to his ideals. Has his ideal been established since childhood? Does he know that what his mother is worried about will come true in the future. He went to the Central Plains to promote Buddhism, and the price he paid was a criticism of I. Roche, if I can, I really don’t want to know your future.

"Rosh, although my mother is not by your side, she will always be in your heart. When you have difficulties and difficulties, think about your commitment to your mother, you can survive it, okay?"

Seeing him nodding, I changed the subject, hoping that he would no longer be immersed in grief. "Rosh, tell me about your childhood, something I didn't know about." Actually, changing the topic is just an excuse. I really want to know him as a kid.

We just sat shoulder-to-shoulder and listened to him talk about his childhood: his mother's strictness and love for him; the honors of all the masters and brothers; the travels in the countries of the Western Regions; every piece of everything, I listened to it with great interest. It turned out that the IQ200's Kumarajiva would also play tricks on his brother, and he would be reproached by his mother if he couldn't speak eloquence. It turned out that he also had a childhood. I thought he was born like an old man. To make him feel better, I talked about my own family, my parents, my classmates, my boss, the books I read, the places I walked by. Of course, I translated into a language that he could understand without showing any flaws.

In the distance, the back of the Tianshan showed a touch of carmine, and the stars were quietly hidden. I looked at the watch and it was almost four o'clock, and I sat all night. I looked at him: "Rosh, go back. You should go to the morning class."

He was surprised: "I sat all night. Ai Qing, are you tired?"

I shook my head. Although not tired, but a bit chilly. That coat can't stop the coolness of dawn.

His hand was held by him, and there was no heat in his hand. My long fingers rubbed my hand. I smiled, watching his vain friction heat. He raised his eyes, saw me laughing, and stopped grinning, and put my two hands on his cheeks. My laugh froze. As the flood rushed over, the last line of defense in my heart collapsed completely...

We looked at each other like this, my hand was on his slightly hot face, and my hand touched a slight prick, which was a new long beard. At that moment, like a divine initiation, a current shuddered me from head to toe. I have completely wanted to understand one thing-

I love him!

Yes, I have long been in love with him, from the moment I saw him again. It would be most normal to fall in love with him, but his excellence, his cleverness, and his detached appearance can make all women in the world enamoured. I no longer hesitate to refuse. Love, love, how can I deny the most basic human feelings? I'm just an ordinary person. Why should I struggle because I can't wipe out lust? And I struggled and resisted so much before, because I looked at love too much with modern thinking.

I always hope that I will be rewarded if I love it. I always use my job as an excuse. I always think that I will go back sooner or later. I always worry about falling in love with him without a future. But what if I don’t want to return? What if I don’t ask to stay with him? What if I don't want a future? Who has said that loving him can't continue my work? I just love him now in my own way. I can not let him know my love, I can go back to the 21st century and continue to think that he loves him. As long as you can love him, what about the future? Why should I want to understand everything so calmly now?

"Su Muzhe will start the day after tomorrow, so you can go to Wangcheng today." A gentle voice fluttered in your ears. "Go back and get a good night's sleep. Then I will ask Giodoro to send you to Wangcheng. I have booked an inn for you. Yes. Or do you want to live in Guoshifu, haven't you always wanted to see Vrsati?"

Giordoro? Suddenly, oh, it's his chauffeur. "Let's stay in the inn. I go to the State Teacher's Mansion like this, it will scare too many people. As for Vrsati, I want to see him before I leave Guizi."

When Su Muzhe was over, I found an opportunity to meet Vrsati. He was so sticky to me ten years ago, but now he has grown up to be a big guy and has a life of his own. I don’t want to intervene too much. Seeing the previous side, you can see him as an adult, and that's all. What I think most is actually this... "Um...you..." hesitated, hesitated, and hesitated again, "Will you... will you go?"

He paused and gently lowered my hand. "Master is still with me... besides..."

"I know, you have the'Lige Wuwu Ring'." Quickly press down the disappointment that fluttered over your heart, pretending to be indifferent, "I just asked casually. You... don't need to go... can't go..."

He said nothing, stood up, and the twilight sky dyed his maroon monk's clothes. The wind swept through his shirt, and his whole person condensed in the dawn like a sculpture.

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In the Southern and Northern Dynasties, the monk Hui Jiao wrote "The Biography of the High Monk" and recorded that Kumarajiva said Mahayana for Panto Dado: "Russian master Pantou is not far away. Wang Yue. Master He Nengyuan. Daduo said. He heard his disciples. The understanding is very great. The second Wen Wang Hong praised Buddhism. Therefore, he went to the kingdom of God at risk. He even got the teacher to Xinsui. He asked the scriptures for the virtue of the virtue. Doming was empty because of fate. So let’s talk about it first. The teacher’s name is Shiyue. You see what is out of phase in Mahayana and want to keep it. Shiyue. The Mahayana is deep and clear, and the law is empty. There are many misses in the Theravada. The teacher said: Ru said everything is empty Fear also. Anshe has a law and loves nothing. Like the madman in the past, the grader’s performance line is extremely fine. The grader’s attention is fine and fine. The madman hates its roughness. The grader’s anger is empty. This It’s a thin thread. The madman said. Why didn’t you see it? The teacher said. This thread is extremely fine. I still don’t see my good craftsman. Besides others. The madman is overjoyed to pay the weaver. The teacher is also effective and all have no rewards. Ru's empty method is also the same. Even the class and Chen. Reciprocally suffering until more than one month. Fang is convincing. The teacher sighed. The teacher can't achieve his ambition. The experience is today. Teacher. Words and harmony are my Mahayana division. I’m the same as the Mahayana division."

In Hui Jiao’s Biography of the High Monk, the final dialogue between Jaipur and Jumorosh: “When the mother is there, it is said:'Fang et al. teaches deeply, and should explain the true pill. The east of the legend is the power of the Yier. But Yu If it is not self-interested, what can it do?' Shi said:'The way of the prince, Libi forgets the body. If Dahua will be passed on, it will be able to enlighten the monks and vulgars. Although the reincarnation is used as a wok, it is bitter without hatred.'""