Endless Debt

For a person with memory impairment, the most painful thing is that in the eyes of others, you are their old friend, but to you, they are a group of overly enthusiastic strangers.

It's so painful...

In fact, they are not that strange. Church remembers the names of these people and various experiences with them. However, after the memory is confused, it is inevitable that there is a sense of alienation between them.

"You feel a sense of distance from other people, but don't worry, they are good people."

On a certain page of the diary, my past self wrote this sentence for my future self.

Church tried to follow these words, but there was a big gap between imagination and reality... Maybe it had nothing to do with the gap, but something seemed to be wrong with his friends.

Just like now.

"Valentin told me who should leave~the emotional memories he cherished~"

There was a song playing on the radio, and in his diary and memory, his best friend, Palmer Clarks, was driving a car and howling along with the melody on the radio.

When the car stopped at a red light, he would turn his head and look at himself with excitement.

"Valentin! Valentine!"

The fragmented memories described what kind of guy Palmer was, and the diary made Palmer clear again. Until Church saw Palmer with his own eyes, all the information was completely pieced together and turned into a complete story. pictures.

Church felt like he was adapting and transitioning, just like a version change. He was trying to return to the person his friends were familiar with.

"Qiu Qiyi is also a lucky man!"

Palmer stepped on the accelerator and jumped out of the car just one second before the light turned green.

"The doctors said that you probably won't wake up, and you may become a dementia when you wake up. Now look, aren't you quite healthy?"

"Is that so?" Church was slightly troubled. When he was discharged from the hospital, the doctor didn't say anything to him at all. "But I feel that I have indeed lost a lot of memory."

"For example?" Palmer asked again, "I know you have a diary. Have you checked it with the records in the diary? This may help find out what you have forgotten."

Diaries were extremely important to Church.

"I tried it," Church said, "and a lot of unimportant memories were consumed, with little impact."

As he started talking to Palmer, some strange feelings emerged from the bottom of his heart, and the strangeness gradually faded away. Church was a little confused, but also a little happy, which made him feel satisfied.

"Is that important?"

Bologo, who was in the passenger seat, said as he looked into Church's eyes through the rearview mirror.

Borogo Lazarus, unlike Palmer, a changeable guy, is still as cold and reliable as he described in his memory and diary.

"a part of it……"

Church paused and then continued, "You also know that people don't remember what they have forgotten, let alone what they have missed... These are all things that cannot be explained."

"I can understand."

Palmer opened his mouth and talked about his past, "When I was a child in Fengyuan Heights, besides Wo Xilin, I actually had a lot of good friends, but due to various reasons, when I grew up, they were all gone. connect.

The last time I went back to Fengyuan Highlands, I met a few of them. To be honest, the feeling was too subtle. "

Palmer's tone was unexpectedly joyful, "I remember the time I spent with them. Every minute and every second was filled with joy. Even the air was like mead. According to normal development, we should They are lifelong friends, the kind that are inseparable.

But human emotional connections may really be that fragile. The crossing of time and space blocks everything. When I see them, I still remember the beautiful time, and even yearn for it. I can see them, but I can’t even remember them. of excitement, as if they were strangers. "

"You miss the time, not the people," Bologo said.

"No... that's not the case, Boluogo. I just think that human emotional connections are actually quite fragile. I just feel that time and space have worn away those emotions in me, so when I see them, I don't feel the slightest bit of emotion in my heart. touching."

Palmer continued, "I thought it would be the same for Church, but it looks like he's not as bad as me."

"Then you are really a heartless guy," said Boluogo. "There is no trace of sadness in your words."

"Of course there is no sadness anymore. I have already said that emotions have been worn away, just like facing strangers. How can I feel sad in this way... Maybe it is a bit pessimistic about the loss of emotions, but that's it. , it doesn’t matter.”

"I guess it may be because I was just a child at the time, and a child's mind was just that," Palmer added. "Besides, why am I so sad? I have a fiancée, so I'm already half a human being." A winner is born.”

Palmer said, winking at the two of them, looking arrogant.

Boluogo didn't bother to pay attention to him, but Church didn't care at all, only thinking about what was in his heart.

Church is a boring person. In his spare time, he has read many books, most of which are related to human psychology and some of them philosophy.

As a narrow traveler and a miserable person with a broken life, people like Church inevitably need some philosophical ideas to protect themselves.

Church knew that the reason for Palmer's gradual emotional unfamiliarity might be the gap of time and space, which gradually alienated the originally close emotional connection. Although Palmer and they had a wonderful time together, the span of time and space caused them to lose their shared experiences and lives, which played a crucial role in maintaining the emotional connection.

What about yourself?

The girl's figure flashed back in front of Church's eyes. He indeed found part of his missing memory by comparing it with the diary, which was a memory related to a girl named Afia.

It was under her influence that Church began to grow flowers, a hobby that was completely inconsistent with his personality.

In the diary, there are many descriptions about Afia. She has an extremely close relationship with him, but he has never explicitly described his feelings for her.

Even a fool can see this kind of thing.

I "used" to like Afia, and even raised a pot of alum roots for her, and took good care of her.

At this time, a sad thing happened. I forgot about Afia. Everything in the diary proved the existence of that emotion. But now, no matter how much ink is spent in the diary, Afia is to Church. Just a complete stranger.

The emotional disqualification made Church feel an entangled sense of dislocation.

What frightened Church even more was what Palmer said next.

"Where are we going?" Only then did Church realize that after they pulled him into the car, they didn't say where they were going at all.

"Take you to see Afia," Palmer said. "I went there a few days ago. Afia said you said a bunch of nonsense and left, scaring the little girl so much. This time I’m going to take you to see her and let her know that you are not missing any arms or legs.”

"But he doesn't know me like this." Church was not wearing a mask now.

"Then put the mask on."

“I don’t want to wear a mask anymore.”

Palmer was silent for a moment, then said, "That's right, you can't always live behind a mask, so start over! Have you figured out how to greet her?"

Church thought he could dispel Palmer's idea, but it turned out that Palmer didn't care at all. He seemed determined to take him to see Afia to fulfill the wish of his "former self".

Qiu Qi didn't like this, he didn't like it very much, and the feeling of dislocation in his heart became more and more intense.

He remembered the knowledge described in the book. This issue involves the relationship between human memory and emotional connections, which is especially important for people with amnesia like himself.

In this case, I realized that I once had feelings for Afia, but because I had forgotten Afia herself, I could not directly feel my current feelings for her.

Church has an abstract emotional memory similar to "I liked her in the past," but this feeling may not be as concrete or real as before.

In other words, Church's feelings for Afia may be different than in the past, just like in real life, people may not continue to have particularly deep feelings for everyone they once liked, just like Palmer's story Just like that, it gradually fades away as time goes by.

"Human beings are so complex."

Church suddenly started talking to himself, his words were drowned out by the singing, and Palmer was like a straw, his head shaking from side to side.

"Valentin! Valentine!"

Palmer likes this song very much recently. Judging from the way Bologna hummed along unconsciously, under Palmer's baptism, Bologna must have listened to this song almost a hundred times... even if it was Bologna. People like Luo Ge, under such a high-intensity baptism, have become strange.

Okay, to further organize my thoughts, this is like a person who has never eaten strawberry ice cream, but heard other people say that this ice cream is delicious. The person may imagine some feeling from someone else's description, but may not necessarily experience the feeling directly.

Church is in such a predicament, and Afia is the strawberry ice cream in the example.

The vague memory became clear, and Church recognized the streets around him. He knew that he was getting closer to Afia's flower shop.

Strong uneasiness arose in Church's heart, and he couldn't help but ask questions one after another. For example, what if he doesn't like strawberry ice cream "now"?

Church felt a certain amount of loss and uneasiness when he thought that after seeing Afia, he did not feel real emotions towards her. He began to doubt his own feelings, thinking that his past emotions were just an illusion or an illusion.

But he felt that this kind of loss and doubt did not mean that his feelings had no value or meaning. He indeed described many things related to Afia in his diary, and even raised a pot of alum roots, and even said that he There is a book on caring for plants.

Just as Church was caught in the storm of thoughts, the car stopped. Unknowingly, they had arrived at the flower shop. With an uneasy feeling, Church opened the car door.

After a month of reconstruction, a lot of the damage to the street when the epidemic of decay spread has been repaired. The same is true for Afia's flower shop. It looks a lot different, but it still has familiar traces in the memory.

"Business is surprisingly good," Palmer said.

The flower shop that usually didn't have many customers now had many more customers. Large tracts of flowers were in bloom, and the rich fragrance of flowers rolled over. Palmer felt like he was about to suffer from pollen allergies.

"In my impression, business here is not so good," Church said.

"It's like this. When the plague of decay swept through the city, Afia opened the door and saved many people. Although it also caused the mist to flow into the room, killing almost all the flowers and they all withered."

Palmer said something Church didn't know.

"After the incident, although Afia protected many people, her flower shop could not continue to operate. Those who were protected by her raised funds to help her rebuild the flower shop. Everyone used their own capabilities and introduced more flowers. Many varieties of flowers.”

Palmer added, "By the way, her story was in the newspaper. After the publicity, her business boomed. In addition, the air mask hanging over the city finally disappeared. The sun was shining brightly and everyone finally had a chance. Get some flowers to decorate your life.”

Before he finished speaking, Palmer raised his hand and shouted loudly.

"Yo! Afia!"

Palmer is a social master.

The busy Afia was stopped by the voice. She noticed Palmer, handed over the work at hand to others, and walked over with a smile on her face.

"Hello you all."

What Palmer has not yet said is that Palmer also contributed a lot to the reconstruction of the flower shop. After all, this matter has something to do with Church. Palmer may not have much money, but the Clarks have deep pockets.

"You've definitely grown a lot."

At the end of the storm, Vonn recognized Palmer with a look of relief. Since then, the economic sanctions imposed by the Clarks family on Palmer for many years have finally ended.

Afia said hello to Palmer and Bologg, and then she noticed the slightly reserved stranger behind them.

He was said to be a stranger, but Afia saw many familiar traces on his body, but she couldn't tell where the familiarity was.

Afia stepped forward and extended her hand in a friendly manner.

"hello."

Church froze on the spot. He first looked at Afia's outstretched hand. Under the sunlight, the fingertips were pink. Then he looked at Afia's face and noticed Church's gaze. Fia gave a friendly smile.

A shocking smile.

For a moment, Church's mind went blank. All the self-examination and philosophical thinking on the road were all swept into the trash. Church felt extremely ridiculous about the self-doubt he kept on the road.

Church remembered a question that came to his mind when he was flipping through his diary. How could a cold, isolated, and broken-hearted narrow traveler like himself fall in love with another person?

Can you really fall in love with someone?

Now Church knows.

Church held Afia's hand cautiously and smiled nervously. Just when he was about to say something, Afia suddenly came closer. She looked at Church, her wandering eyes finally locked on him. On Church's eyes.

Afia knew where the strange feeling of familiarity came from, and before Church introduced herself, she spoke carefully.

"I assume your name is Church Burton, right?"

There are still 4 chapters left to finish this volume, and people are still outside.