183 – Side Story – You Were My Beginning and My End
To me, a dream is a future landscape at some point. Nothing more, nothing less.
Since I discovered that I have precognitive dreams, I no longer laugh at my friends at school about the stupid dreams I had the night before, and telling anyone about my dreams has become taboo.
It wasn’t exactly bad. Sometimes, I would feel a sense of satisfaction knowing in advance that the lunch menu would suddenly change the next day, and I could also find some enjoyment in walking a long way back to avoid my childhood friend tripping over a rock.
The very idea of seeing the future has never been a source of fear for me. At least, for me, precognitive dreams have always been an element of anticipation and hope.
But today was the first time I realized that just a slight change in scenery could change the image of a phenomenon so much.
– … Hey! Honey! No!
“Gyaaah!”
Gasp, gasp.
I woke up screaming in my chest at the unspeakable horror that had unfolded in my dream.
What was that just now? I clearly remember my husband lying there covered in blood, and I was holding onto his body and shaking it, crying.
It’s strange. Usually, when I dream, it’s so vivid that I can draw it on a piece of paper. But today, the scenery in my dream is strangely blurry.
“Come on, baby! Come on!”
Suddenly, I felt a surge of anxiety and put on a cardigan over my camisole. I left the bedroom, desperately looking for my husband.
It was just around 9 o’clock. So the kids would have already gone to kindergarten, and Siyoon would probably be sitting on the living room sofa reading a book or preparing breakfast to eat together like usual.
When I go down the stairs, my husband will be waiting for me as usual. So calm down, Han Yu-na.
Thump, thump.
I carefully go down the large, long stairs that connect the second floor to the first floor and examine the view from the living room.
The sight of my husband smiling and welcoming me while sitting on the beige sofa, or of him cooking in the living room with a loving look on his face, is nowhere to be found.
That can’t be. At the very least, if Siyoon was going somewhere, she would have left a message.
“… … .”
But when I open the chat and check the messages, the last message I exchanged with my husband was when I came back last night after finishing my schedule.
“Honey! Honey!”
Perhaps because of the dream I had just had, I couldn’t control my growing anxiety, so I paced around the living room, yelling for the house to leave.
Surely something really couldn’t have happened? Could it be that something happened to Siyoon like I saw in my dream?
“Honey!”
dump.
I sat down on the spot, crying sadly towards the house where there was no one but me. All sorts of thoughts came to my mind in an instant.
If something really happened to my husband, what would I say to the kids? To my in-laws? To my parents? To my boss? To my future aunt?
“Whew, honey…!”
At that moment, when I, who was already incapable of making rational judgments, was concluding in my head what had happened to my husband, I sat down and was about to burst into tears.
Suddenly.
“…honey?”
“… … !”
Suddenly, the husband I had been desperately looking for appeared beyond the open front door, bathed in the morning sunlight, and looked at me with a bewildered expression as I cried out loud.
At that moment, it felt like the puzzle that had been shattered in my head was falling back into place.
***
Siyoon said that she thought something had happened at her parents’ house when she saw me crying loudly from the morning breeze. When she told her husband the whole story, he seemed to understand the situation and took me to the sofa, where he silently patted my back.
“How is it, are you feeling calmer now?”
“Yeah… .”
As I nodded my head while making a squeaky sound, my husband smiled bitterly and handed me another tissue. My face must be a mess. I want to show my pretty face even after giving birth to the kids, but I hate it because it doesn’t work out well.
“By the way, that’s strange. You’re having dreams too.”
I sniffled again and opened my eyes sharply at the insensitive words that came out of my husband’s mouth after he confirmed that I had calmed down.
Does this man know how big of a deal this is? My precognitive dreams have never been wrong before. If this continues, it’s a serious matter that could lead to my death, so why are you talking like it’s someone else’s business?
“It’s not a dream. I told you before! It’s a precognitive dream…!”
I have already told my husband that since I started having precognitive dreams, I have never had a dream other than a precognitive dream. In other words, the scenery I just saw is something that will happen sometime in the future.
What kind of calm attitude is this when even now, when we have to put our heads together and think about it enough?
I got angry and raised my voice for no reason, but for some reason my husband’s attitude seemed strangely lukewarm. No, to be exact, it seemed like there was something else going on.
“Um, that’s true, but… something doesn’t feel right.”
“… You don’t feel right?”
As I asked again, carefully sipping the black tea my husband had made, my husband added, putting more strength into the hand he was holding to reassure me.
“When you told me about precognitive dreams before, the content seemed very detailed. But this time, it’s a bit vague.”
“That, that’s it… .”
I couldn’t say anything about that content either. In fact, I had the same doubts.
It’s been so long since I last told my husband about a precognitive dream that I can’t even remember, but I definitely remember going into great detail about what happened, who was with whom, and what happened.
But this time, I couldn’t do that. Of course, that’s to be expected. Even in my dreams, it was like fog and I couldn’t see anything properly, and all I remember was holding my bleeding husband and crying.
“Besides, it’s been almost six years since you last told me about precognitive dreams… .”
“…You even remember all that?”
“Of course. It was the day we got married.”
When I asked my husband about his amazing memory with a look of awe, he looked at me with a puzzled look, as if it was natural for him to remember.
Come to think of it, today might be the first time I’ve had a precognitive dream since I got married.
No, I’m not guessing, I’m sure. I can guarantee you that I haven’t had a single dream since I got married.
Of course, there have been long periods of time when I did not have precognitive dreams, but at most, the period did not exceed half a year. In the nearly six years that have passed, I have never had a single period when I did not have precognitive dreams.
I lived my life so peacefully and happily that I even forgot that fact.
“Honey, maybe it really wasn’t a dream?”
“A dream…?”
When my husband, who had been struggling, said something with a hint of speculation, I couldn’t understand the meaning for a moment.
That’s understandable, because for me, dreams have been a disconnected phenomenon since that day. The sense of disconnection that the word brings is so great that I couldn’t understand it.
“That’s right. You might have finally come out of your precognitive dreams and started having real dreams.”
“A dream…? Me, really?”
“Wouldn’t that be enough?”
It was such an unrealistic story to me that I just blinked. My husband looked thoughtful for a moment, then added.
“Come to think of it, didn’t you say from the beginning that it wasn’t a precognitive dream?”
“Yeah, that’s right.”
She nodded at her husband’s question and was lost in thought for a moment.
That’s right. I didn’t start having precognitive dreams from the beginning. If I remember correctly, it was probably around the third grade of elementary school.
“Was there anything that made you start dreaming? If you knew that, you might be able to figure out what made you stop dreaming.”
“The occasion? Well… was there something like that?”
If I knew for sure, it might be a good clue, but I don’t have any clue.
If there was anything I could remember from my third year of elementary school, it was when Siyoon saved me from some boys who were trying to bully me by grabbing my hair… Huh?
“…uh?”
“what’s the matter?”
“Oh, no, I thought I remembered something.”
As I continued my thoughts, I felt something vaguely in my hand in the pitch-black darkness.
Wait, now that I think about it, maybe it was from that day that I started liking Siyoon.
Of course, I’m not sure, and it’s just a guess because it’s such a long time ago… but somehow, somehow I have that feeling. That’s because even in my memories from almost 20 years ago, the face of Siyoon who saved me back then still comes to mind clearly.
It would be impossible for something to remain in people’s minds for this long without some kind of trigger.
Come to think of it, most of the precognitive dreams I had after that were related to Siyoon.
Of course, there were some things that weren’t true, like rumors of a senior from the same agency dating someone, but there were many cases where Si-yoon was involved in precognitive dreams. For example, even if it was something as trivial as what would be on the menu at the cafeteria tomorrow, Si-yoon was always present in that scene.
Even when I saw our future together, when I was being chased by a stalker, and even when we ended up together, the premonitions always followed me and acted as if they were only showing me a future where Siyoon and I could become closer.
That means, maybe the reason I had a precognitive dream was because of Siyoon.
Because I fell in love with you.
Wow.
“Yu, Yuna, what’s wrong? Suddenly… .”
“… I just, for some reason, wanted to do this.”
Action came before thought, and he hugged Siyoon.
Oh, I see. I think I understand now.
The future scenery that I had seen from the beginning existed solely to bear fruit as happiness for the two of us.
So that I can use that as an opportunity to talk to you at least once more, to get closer to you at least once more, to follow you with my eyes even just a little bit, and in the end, to realize this feeling and get closer to you.
And the fact that I can no longer see that scenery means that I know I don’t need those kinds of precognitive dreams anymore.
Because we don’t need any milestones in the future where the two of us will continue to walk together. All we need to do is keep our steps in sync and move forward side by side.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Yeah, I get it. It must be a dream, just like you said.”
“That’s fortunate.”
I closed my eyes tightly, feeling my husband’s warm hand patting my back.
I realized it so foolishly late. Perhaps the reason I had such a nightmare today was because the dream was sending a final message of love to its foolish master, asking if he was only just realizing it now.
But even after realizing that, I’m still scared. I’m afraid that you’ll disappear. I’m afraid that the person who’s most precious to me might suddenly disappear one day.
side.
So I dug deeper into Siyoon’s arms and placed my lips on the nape of her neck.
This is a kind of message I use when I am trying to get Siyoon to have a sweet time. When my husband heard it, he was quite surprised. He pulled away from me for a moment and asked me with wide eyes.
“…Do you want to do it now?”
“no?”
“No, it’s not that I don’t like it, but why start the morning like this?”
“I’m still scared. I wish you could reassure me.”
He put his arms under Siyoon’s armpits, tied her body tightly, and buried his face in her chest as he spoke.
side.
Then, my husband, who had been scratching his cheek with an embarrassed expression, kissed my forehead and smiled as if he understood.
Looking at that smile, I could feel it anew.
As expected, I was filled with this person from the beginning. It was so gradual, so I didn’t even realize it until it was too late.
You are the beginning and the end of my happiness.
That won’t change in the future.
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