I'm really not a crow's mouth

Chapter 1 I'm Not a Crow's Mouth
Yang Dilei is the second senior brother of Qingyun Sacred Land, and also the number one in the list of Tianjiao in the Seven Great Sacred Lands.

At times like this, someone would ask, why is he so awesome as the second senior brother?This started before he was demoted as the second senior brother.

The reason is that at the Holy Land Conference last time, he said that the seal hall of the Holy Lord Chixiao was black, and there must be a bloody disaster, and then the chair of the Holy Lord Chixiao was directly cracked.

What's even more coincidental is that Holy Master Chi Xiao happened to be practicing kung fu a few days ago. Originally, he was sitting on a chair and secretly adjusting his breath, but this time he fell to his buttocks and squatted, vomiting blood out of breath.

At that time, Holy Lord Chixiao's entire face turned into a pig's liver color. On the one hand, he was congested due to internal injuries, and on the other hand, he was angry at Yang Dilei!

He is a majestic lord, fell on his butt in front of so many people, and even threw himself to vomit blood. There is no embarrassment left.

How does this make everyone present think of him?What did the disciples think of him when he went back to the Holy Land?How do those chickens, cats and dogs in the Holy Land, human or not, think of him?

"Yang Dilei! Are you cursing me on purpose?"

The Holy Master Chixiao yelled at Yang Dilei directly, now he must find someone who is responsible for it, so as to restore his image.

And Yang Dilei is undoubtedly the most suitable candidate, all this has nothing to do with me, it is all cursed by him!
Then Yang Dilei became famous. Rumors of the crow's mouth being so powerful that it caused the Holy Master to vomit blood, and the rumors of cursing the supernatural power and saying who is unlucky are flying all over the sky.

Naturally, Qingyun Holy Land did not believe it at first, until later it was discovered that as long as there was Yang Dilei, accidents would happen, and every time he finished speaking, it was immediately fulfilled.

So under the pressure of many holy places, he was replaced by the second senior brother.

The holy sons and saintesses of each holy place will go to other holy places to practice with their elders, increase their knowledge, and lay the foundation for succeeding the holy master in the future.

Because of this, other holy places were cursed by Yang Dilei indiscriminately.

No one who was mentioned by him was spared and all suffered.

For example, the maiden Yujian flying in Zixuan Holy Land, he said that there are thousands of roads, safety first, don't speed Yujian, or accidents will happen.

Maiden Zixuan fell down straight.I heard that my face was swollen from the fall, and I was lying on the ground and dared not get up.I didn't dare to see anyone for three days.

When Yu Jianfei fell, it would only happen to a novice who had just entered Jindan. She, an old driver, not only fell, but also swollen her face.

Because this incident was watched by the juniors and younger sisters of the Holy Land with strange eyes for more than three months, it made her want to die of shame and anger.

From then on, as soon as she saw Yang Dilei, she quickly hid far away, leaving only Yang Dilei's emoticon of Erkang waving.

Another example is Huangyuan Holy Land, which is famous for alchemy.

That day Yang Dilei followed the Holy Master to watch the alchemy conference in Huangyuan Holy Land. It was a heavenly-ranked elixir that several elders in Huangyuan Holy Land worked together for 81 days.

Seeing that the heavenly elixir was about to be released, he said that he couldn't blow up the furnace. The furnace, which was as big as five people hugging each other, exploded with a bang.

Those present with low cultivation bases were directly blown away by the shock wave, and stuck to the adjacent mountain peaks like pasting pancakes. The whole person was sunken in, turning into a mural.

Those with high cultivation bases were not swept away, but the skirt of Holy Master Zixuan was lifted up.

For God's sake, there's no such thing as an anti-gravity skirt or safety pants.

So the several holy masters present swallowed their saliva in unison, and then they were violently beaten by the holy master Zixuan.

Women are terrible, and crazy women are even more terrible.I remember that when Holy Master Qingyun came back that day, there were still a few marks on his face that could not be erased.

You must know that he is the sixth level of crossing the robbery, even if his arm is broken and picked up, he can be connected immediately and it is intact, just like Lego blocks.

The next day, Yang Dilei was demoted to the second senior brother because he ate an extra piece of pickled cucumber for breakfast, and the second senior brother Shen Long took the role of the holy son.

After that day, because Yang Dilei did not visit other holy places, nothing like falling swords and blasting furnaces happened again, and Qingyun Holy Land was still unlucky for Yang Dilei.

Bad luck is like the wind, always with me.Yang Dilei is revered as the eternal god of Crow's Mouth, and all his disciples respect him at a respectful distance, not daring to approach him.

There is another person who hates Yang Dilei very much, and he is the person in charge of Qingyun Holy Land canteen.

Because since Yang Dilei was demoted from the position of the Holy Son because he ate too much pickled cucumber, no one except Yang Dilei dared to eat pickled cucumber anymore.

Pickles are known to last a long time, so they are made in large batches.So many pickles are left uneaten, only consumed internally.

The person in charge now feels that his fart smells like pickled cucumbers, and his whole body is not well.

He never wanted to see anything related to pickled cucumbers in his life, especially Yang Dilei.

Yang Dilei was very wronged, it really had nothing to do with him, it was all the fault of the system.

In the spring of that year, he was still a 38-year-old teenager, walking by the side of the road, playing with his mobile phone and humming a song, when an old man rushed up and said to him:

"I see that you have a full heaven and a round earth pavilion. At first glance, you are not an ordinary person. Do you want to give you a fortune?"

"I'm really not in the same class. I'm in the second class of Lanxiang Excavator Street Dance Professional."

Yang Dilei looked at the old man while talking, and saw that the old man was wearing a big vest with floral pants, a pair of Nike and Adidas slippers on his feet, and a rattle in his hand.

Yes, it's the kind of rattle you use to coax children, but the rattle in his hand is made of stainless steel. If it hits someone on the head, it can explode. Is this a skull-crushing drum?

This old man doesn't look like a fortune teller, is there something wrong with his brain?
Yang Dilei pointed to his head and said, "Are you out of your mind?"

The old man looked at Yang Dilei and said, "Are you talking about me?" He immediately nodded affirmatively.

Then make a big circle gesture with both hands to indicate "I can give you such a big luck."

Yang Dilei felt deeply sympathetic when he saw the old man nodding his head and saying, "I have such a big bubble in my head".

He immediately hailed a taxi and sent the old man into the car with a perplexed expression on his face.

Yang Dilei said to the master: "Please send him to the Fourth People's Hospital, this is the fare."

Yang Dilei gesticulated with his head while paying the money, the driver suddenly realized, kicked the accelerator and took the old man away.

The driver was very responsible and handed over the old man to the dean, and watched him being tied up and carried in with his own eyes.

The old man was still struggling: "I'm not sick! Why are you arresting me? I'm not sick! I'm normal. If you don't believe me, I'll recite the multiplication formula for you. One by one gets one, and one by two gets two..."

The driver shook his head sympathetically, this old man is seriously ill.

Yang Dilei saw the old man's dropped rattle, picked it up curiously and shook it. The two small balls of the rattle grew in size and swung towards his head.

His last thought was that the fuck is a skull-cracking drum.

At the same time, the corner of the old man's mouth twitched, thinking that you are still young, playing tricks on me, me. . . .Fuck!
The old man looked at the thick nurse holding a needle as thick as an arm and looked at him with a smile, and said to him:

"Don't be afraid, just a shot and you'll be fine."

The injection may not have killed him on the spot, the old man swallowed in fright, then disappeared in place and slipped away.

The nurse who was frightened by this scene ran away in a panic with two "scud legs".

When Yang Dilei opened his eyes again, he traveled to this world and became the Holy Son of Qingyun Holy Land.

I still remember that year when he went down the mountain to do a mission, he met a mysterious man in black squatting on the side of the road, and walked over to have a look out of curiosity.

There was a turntable in front of the man, a rough wooden turntable without pointers.Next to it is written that a spirit stone turns once.

It was the first time he saw a turntable without a pointer, so he gave a Lingshi to test the water, and it turned out that the water was very deep.

Because it turned out that the man stretched out his hand and kept spinning above the turntable, and then he would give you whatever reward he pointed at.

"Isn't this fooling the second idiot? You have the final say? How could you give anything good." Yang Dilei was speechless.

I saw the man's hand getting slower and slower, turning towards the one-tenth prize, and then stretched out the other hand and rubbed his index finger and thumb.

"You still want money? How could a fool really believe you."

After a while, Yang Dilei stared at the turntable with red eyes, muttering to go a little further, a little further.

As a result, the man's hand stopped just short of the grand prize, and what he was pointing at was the consolation prize.

The man handed him a peach, which means you are thinking about peach.

Yang Dilei looked at the ten peaches in his hand, and cursed fiercely:
"When I was in Macau Crown Casino with my arm around the croupier, you didn't know where to pee and play with mud.

Give me one more chance, I'll stop talking today, and no one will leave without a big prize. "

The man in black suddenly grabbed his hand excitedly and said, "Do you recognize this?"

As he spoke, he took out a black and hard one from below. . . . .cell phone.

Yang Dilei was surprised, are the mobile phone sellers so awesome now?Have you expanded the market in another world?

"I finally waited for you, take it, I'm relieved, hahaha."

The man handed the phone to Yang Dilei and disappeared, as if he had never appeared before.

Yang Dilei looked at the phone. There was only one interface on the top, which was a mysterious gift package, and there was a line of small words at the bottom, where it was checked to watch the advertisement.

"Hmph, play this with me? I have played countless small programs, and I have never seen an advertisement."

Yang Dilei directly canceled the checkmark and clicked to receive.Then a treasure chest with a progress bar jumped out, saying "Crazy click to open it."

Yang Dilei's hand speed was very fast, and he immediately went crazy.

Just when the progress bar was coming to an end, an advertisement popped up, and Yang Dilei couldn't stop the car and just clicked on it.

The phone entered a gray interface with a question written on it: 1+1=?

Yang Dilei smiled disdainfully, such a simple question would only be answered wrong by a fool.

When I was ten years old, I could do addition and subtraction within five, still with parentheses.Who do you look down on?
As a result, he was silent when he saw the options below.

There are two answers below, one is 5 and the other is 3.

Yang Dilei wanted to smash his phone on the ground, and then kicked it hard. If you don't know how to count, don't ask math questions. How do you want me to choose?
Yang Dilei was dumbfounded for a while, and then chose 3 after a storm of analysis.

Since there is no answer, choose the closest one. This is the secret he summed up by doing math problems.

Just as his hand left the phone, he accidentally slid down the screen, and saw two more options pop up from below.One is 2 and the other is 10.

Yang Dilei's hand holding the phone trembled slightly and he was speechless.Can I still withdraw now?It hasn't been 3 minutes yet, has it?

The phone over there didn't respond for a long time. I guess I didn't expect that such a question could be answered wrong by two idiots, making it impossible to answer the routine behind it.

Finally, it directly prompts that an unknown error occurred, and the server closed itself without responding.

Looking at the mysterious treasure chest interface that reappeared, Yang Dilei didn't know whether to cry or laugh. Is this a mistake?Did I crash the ad server?

This time the treasure box was opened directly, and the mobile phone turned into a stream of light and entered his body, and then a voice sounded in Yang Dilei's mind:
"Because I didn't watch the advertisement, the task reward was halved, and the incomplete version of the speech method is bound with the system."

"Because this system is an incomplete version, options will be randomly released for the host to choose, so that the words can be followed. At the same time, experience points can be obtained, and the experience points can upgrade the system to the full version."

(End of this chapter)