I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 419 I don't want to see her

Stopping and stopping on the road, Yang Sisi and I finally entered the bustling area. She booked a room for me and had dinner with me... Before she went back to her home, we made an appointment to have dinner with her dad tomorrow night.

Standing in the hotel room, I looked down at the city again, and my heart was no longer filled with love and hate as before...

I just feel a little empty, but more of a pity.

I am in Shanghai, and Ye Zhi is probably there too... But there is no excuse for meeting each other, and before that, she has always been the person I have been thinking about day and night, I have been depressed because of her, and because of her. Lost motivation to live.

Now that she's back...what should I do?

I don't have super powers, I want to forget her, but it's impossible to completely forget her after a while.

Looking back, we actually didn't spend much time together... The longest time was when she and I went back to the small county town. We were on the road, in a car, and stayed for more than ten hours , That is, that day, I felt that I had the most boyfriend and girlfriend feeling between me and her.

Compared with her current indifference, was she really her that day?Or, can she be the same as she was that day?
With a soft sigh, a kind of dreamlike melancholy filled my heart, and I became even more at a loss.

……

After standing like this for a while, the phone vibrated in my pocket. Few people knew my number. I thought it was Lu Jia, but I forgot that Jian Zihan also got the number.

It was Jian Zihan calling.

Last time, I just hung up the phone after talking halfway... Don't think about it, she will definitely chat with me about Ye Zhi when she makes this call.

I didn't answer, didn't hang up, just let the phone ring...

As the bell rang, I remembered the scene of her leaving the plane ticket and leaving that day.

I still keep these plane tickets in my handbag... If I had had the courage to hug her, kiss her, and tell her that I couldn't live without her... what would it be like now?
How can there be so many ifs in life, I only know that I am living in her indifference, and my heart aches.

Even if there is a chance to meet, I'm afraid I will become a man with many complaints in front of her. This is not good, it is better to leave a chic image in her heart and simply disappear.

There may be a day when I will become the next little leopard, and after I have an epiphany, I turn around and leave.

That's right, even Xiao Bao can let go of Yang Sisi, why can't I let go of Ye Zhi?

……

Jian Zihan is a very persistent woman, after one time, she hit her again.

This time, I answered, and I asked her, "Is there anything wrong?"

Jian Zihan on the other end of the phone, after a while of silence, replied: "I'm a little worried about you... For more than a year, others don't know how you live, and I have noticed it."

I smiled: "Yeah, you have seen it all, but what can you do for me?... The relationship is always just a matter between two people, and outsiders can't get involved... To be honest, I am very Sad, but in the decades I have lived, is there anything more sad than this, just like when I heard that something happened to her at sea, is there anything more painful than this? I am also slowly Suffering... I only know that no matter what the pain is, there will always be a day when it will end... So, I have already prepared myself mentally."

"You can't let go of Ye Zhi, whose life or death is unknown. Could it be that you can let go of Ye Zhi, who is alive?"

"I don't know how to answer such questions...People change, not only Ye Zhi, but also me."

After another period of silence, Jian Zihan asked, "Where are you now? I want to find you some time."

"Heh... I said I'm in Shanghai now, do you believe it?... It's better to hit the sun than to choose another day. Come out, I just want to find someone to have a few drinks."

"Okay... Where are you, I'll go there right away."

……

In a bar suitable for chatting near the hotel, I met Jian Zihan.After sitting down, she said to me: "I thought you were joking with me, but I didn't expect that you really came to Shanghai... Except for Ye Zi, I don't think you have any reason to come to Shanghai... Before that, we had almost a year. Haven't seen each other for years."

"I didn't come to Shanghai because of Ye Zhi."

Jian Zihan smiled: "How do you want me to believe you?"

"If I was doing it for her, I would find a way to meet her... I didn't do this, which is the best proof."

After a brief pause, I added, "I'll forget about her...really!"

"I don't know if what you told me is the truth or a lie... But I'm here to see you now, and I will definitely tell you the truth. If you want to meet Ye Zhi, I will help you find a way... ...I think, there are some things that you should tell her clearly in person... Otherwise, your life for more than a year is not worth it at all!"

"I don't want to meet her, very much!"

After finishing speaking, I picked up the glass, drank the wine in it, and then slapped it heavily on the table, feeling heartbroken and venting.

……

In front of Jian Zihan, I drank a bottle of foreign wine, and she didn't persuade me after that...

I find it ridiculous, if Ye Zhi and I should meet, why do we need her to figure out a way? ...When she said that, it was more like me humbly begging to see Ye Zhi.

If it is really two people who love each other, do we need to use the word begging?Is it really necessary to force the other party into such a desperate situation; besides, now that the society has become like this, if Ye Zhi really wants to see me, who can restrict her most basic freedom?
If you don't love, you don't love anymore. There is no need to do unnecessary struggle and speculation.

……

Leaving the bar, my mood was even worse, and then I took a taxi to the Bund. I don't know why I went to this place; maybe, it's because there are some memories here, anyway, it's already so sad, it's better to soak myself in these In memory, one pain is enough!

Sitting on a bench by the shore, I lit a cigarette, and then looked at the passing boats dully.

I seemed to be hallucinating, and felt that there was still her smell in the air, mixed with the smell of tobacco, hitting me in bursts.

I desperately want to lie down and get away.

I'm afraid that I will have even bigger hallucinations, and then imagine her in front of my eyes, which is the most f*cking sad.

……

I was a little drunk, and kept squinting my eyes. If Lu Jia hadn't called, I would have almost fallen asleep on the bench.

On the phone, Lu Jia asked me, "Did Yang Sisi find you?"

"found it."

"What is she looking for you for?"

I sat up from the chair, pressed my temples with my hands, and then said to Lu Jia in a low voice: "Ye Zhi is back...she survived that shipwreck."

After a deathly silence, Lu Jia smiled and replied, "If Yang Sisi wasn't joking with you...this is really a good thing!"

"No kidding."

"Migao...will you go find her?"

"No... It's over between me and her... She didn't come to me either."

"But I'm very scared... I've been counting the time, and now we are only two months and six days away from the date we agreed on."

I am silent.

Lu Jia asked again: "If I go back to China, will you keep your original promise?"

(End of this chapter)