I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 344 What I Want To Hear
Looking at Yang Sisi who is crying, it seems that the whole ancient city has become depressing to me; no, it is her who is more depressing, I know, after returning from Thailand, she has already shown my current state. Deep dissatisfaction and concern.

At this moment, what I saw was not only her tears, but also her outburst. I was selfish and never thought about how she got here these days. She suffered unspeakable pain, but these pains could not be shown in front of me at all, because she wanted to make herself sunny and warm me... But I gave her countless rainy days in a row, not to mention Day and night.

This is a manifestation of selfishness, no wonder she hates Director Ma so much for choosing to become a monk, because when he pursued self-transcendence, he deeply hurt other people, and the state I am presenting now is actually similar to Director Ma’s selfishness , are essentially the same.

I looked away at Yang Sisi, feeling very conflicted in my heart. On the one hand, I wanted to seek self-liberation, but on the other hand, I realized that what I was doing was selfish. Not only did I ignore Yang Sisi's feelings; , I feel guilty too...

Now I am almost in a state of letting go of the "Jiulongju" project, but I was the one who brought him to Dali at the beginning, and promised to do a good job in this project... Although, we got a rent of 20 today, But these are not enough to conceal the various crises hidden behind it.

Once these crises erupt because of my laissez-faire, I will ruin Chen Jin's entire life.

If there really is a so-called "Dharma", are these "Dharma" that are comprehended by selfishness really compassionate?If there is no compassion, then the Buddha I understand, is it still a Buddha?

……

I don't know why, even though I thought about it, I still said to Yang Sisi in a hurtful way: "Director Ma has been waiting for me for more than an hour, I'm going to talk to him for a while...you go back to the bar, There is also a table waiting for you..."

"Others' waiting is valuable to you, only mine can be let down at will, isn't it?... Just because you know I care about you?"

"That was not what I meant."

"You don't need to explain, anyway, I'm used to being disappointed with you again and again... My original intention is that you don't want to get too close to Director Ma, and I don't want you to have the idea of ​​becoming a monk...Because you are not really I want to go to the Buddha, you are only in too much pain, so you just want to find a place to take refuge... To put it bluntly, you are just hugging Buddha's feet temporarily, and you will regret it later... You should understand better than me, in fact, any pain has an end... ..."

"No, the world of mortals refines the heart, the pain is boundless, the pain is endless!"

"Can you speak well and make me feel that you are still a normal person now?...I'm really scared when you're like this! Very scared!"

I don't speak, because I can't say anything that Yang Sisi likes, so silence is also a kind of protection.

Yang Sisi was silent because of my silence, so we were still in the surging crowd, but the unpredictable weather in Dali was not forgiving at all; after a muffled thunder came from Cangshan Mountain, the air pressure began to drop , making people feel that breathing is not smooth, at the same time, the sky is also gloomy, and a dark cloud gathers on the Cangshan Mountain, and then it is suddenly pierced by lightning... And those tourists who have the foresight have already started looking for a place Shed the rain.

But this kind of weather gave me a reason to speak again, and I finally said to Yang Sisi: "Go back to the bar, it's going to rain."

"You come back with me, or I won't go anywhere."

I could only soften my tone, and said: "I listened to what you said, but Director Ma has been waiting there for so long, it's not appropriate for me not to go... I'll just have a casual meal with him, and when I'm done, I will I'll meet you at the bar."

"No, if you have to go to him, then I will go with you."

"When you see him, can you guarantee that you will calm down? We are all friends, and I don't want any unpleasant scenes to appear... You should go back to the bar first."

"Why don't I calm down, don't you know?"

I lit a cigarette and were in a stalemate with Yang Sisi, I didn't intend to compromise, at least I won't go back to the bar with her now...

The rain fell so violently that it not only wetted the cigarette in my hand, but also wet Yang Sisi's hair, but she had no intention of retreating at all... and those who had already started to hide from the rain, like Look at us like aliens...

The rain fell on Yang Sisi's long hair and onto her clothes. The part on her shoulders was already wet, reflecting the shoulder straps of her underwear, and how stubborn the rain was, and how stubborn she was!At this moment, she bit her lip and looked at me with a look of love and hatred... I was terrified when I saw it, and I could see the endless guilt in my heart.

She stubbornly wiped off the mixture of rain and tears, and then said to me with sobs: "Migao, please remember that there is such a woman who has been exposed to such a heavy rain because of your stupidity and stubbornness...but she She doesn't want to blame you, let alone interfere with your living space, she just wants you to live well... at least live like a normal person... maybe, there are really miracles in this world! Wait for that day, Ye Zhi returned to your side, what she wants to see is definitely not what you look like now... because women like sunny and hard-working men... and what I have to do is to look at you for her, and then put the best You, give it back to her...I really don't mind who you gave your heart to...I just care if you will be happy...Do you know?..."

In the wind and rain, Yang Sisi looked extremely thin, and I felt sorry for being moved... I took off my coat and wanted to put it on for her, but she knocked it off, and the clothes just fell on the ground, stained up the sewage.

"I don't want your clothes, I just want you to say something... what I want to hear."

I couldn't bear to see her like this. After struggling for a while, I finally said to her: "I won't go to the horse for guidance. I'll go back to the bar with you."

Yang Sisi smiled through tears, and suddenly became afraid of the heavy rain again. While covering her hair with her arms, she took my arm and ran to the eaves that can hide from the rain...

In the sound of the pattering rain, I actually heard someone applauding. They probably regarded us as a couple, and thought that we had reconciled as before after negotiating... But no, I was struggling on the edge of the sea of ​​suffering, On one side is the Buddha, on the other side is Yang Sisi... And I chose Yang Sisi for the time being, and that's why she laughed out of tears.

(End of this chapter)