I'm waiting for you in the wind and snow

Chapter 329
Returning from the airport to the small room I rented, it felt like a lifetime away. I lay on the bed, lit a cigarette, and then stared intently at the pots of margaritas that I hung by the window.

Every time I move these potted flowers, I will take them with me and take good care of them, because they were dug by Ye Zhi and I at the Erhai Lake.At that time, we were just friends.

I can't help but think, if we have kept this friend's identity until now instead of breaking it, what kind of life am I living now?

At least, it won't be as painful as it is now, I am really in too much pain.

I don't want to emphasize the word "pain" again and again, but apart from pain, I have no other emotions in my spiritual world. Even the name Mi Gao can already be equated with pain, and I feel pain when I look at everything.

I put out the cigarette in my hand, and I stood at the window again. The window is very small, there are only two windows, just like my left eye and right eye, through which I can see the outside world, everything is gray, and This kind of gray makes me lose my appetite, the motivation to struggle, and the desire to communicate with others. I just want to stand like this, don’t care what kind of scenery I see, I just want to turn myself into a piece without emotion. stones.

Stones don't suffer, because stones don't have love, and they don't have lovers.

……

Perhaps, no one would believe that I was really standing by this window from noon to dusk... I didn't answer a phone, didn't drink water, didn't eat, and didn't even go to the bathroom.

It wasn't until the setting sun changed an angle and pierced the sun straight on my face that I realized that I am a person, not a tree or a stone. Although my heart is dead, my eyes still bear the pain. Can not live in direct sunlight.

I suddenly thought of Ye Zhi again, what is she doing at this moment?

Will it be as uncomfortable as me?

No, definitely not, otherwise she would not make the decision to break up.

How I wish this was just a dream, or a script fabricated by someone, then my pain would be reversible, as long as the fabricator had a magical touch, I could call the wind and rain in this self-centered world.

It's a pity, it's not, my pain is a little less, and I am still ordinary, suffering in the ordinary, looking up to the woman who couldn't ask for it in the ordinary.

This is so fucking hateful!
……

When the night came, I suddenly panicked, and I began to yearn for places with lights. I seemed to have turned into a moth, flapping my wings, and wandering around the ancient city. Where the lights were the brightest, I would stop there for a while. .

I have already forgotten the idea of ​​going to Tina's bar to get drunk and dream.

I am like this, I am used to facing all the pains by myself, and I deserve it; but Chen Jin is different, when he fails in a relationship, he will use countless relationships and countless A woman to fill this emotional hole, I am not envious of his way of solving the problem, but he does seem to be living a better life than before... At least since he came to Dali, there seems to be no shortage around him. over women.

……

Came to Tina's bar in a daze, Chen Jin was sitting in the bar by the window, and the woman who accompanied him changed again, the one in front of him was a little purer, as if she was still in school.

Chen Jin called me into the bar, and I sat down opposite him.

He smiled and said to the pure girl: "See, this is the buddy I told you about hanging to nowhere...His girlfriend is really beautiful, and her family background is also good..."

Instead, he said to me: "Mi Gao, show the picture of your girlfriend to this little girl who has never seen the world... I always talk about things, and I definitely don't play tricks."

The innocent girl looked at me expectantly, and then asked: "Brother, is there really such a perfect woman?...I want to use her as my role model and work hard!"

"Don't mention the words perfection and struggle, I'm ashamed and flustered."

My unkindness made this innocent girl a little bit at a loss. Chen Jin found out that something was wrong with me. He lowered his voice and asked, "What's the matter with you? She's just a little girl who came to Dali for a trip. Don't let the girl think , just came here and ran into a villain."

"You take her to another table, I want to drink some wine by myself."

As I said that, I waved to Tina who was playing with her mobile phone at the bar. When Tina came over with the drink list, I asked for ten glasses of very strong "self-explosive beer". If I come to Tina's bar, then this night, I will never go back sober.

After Tina left with a good list, I opened my mouth and said to the innocent girl: "Something went wrong, I got a little angry, sorry..."

"Then can you still talk to me about your girlfriend? I really yearn for her life."

I laughed: "Want to live like her?... A person who doesn't even think love is dispensable, what is there to yearn for in her life?" Having said that, I lowered my voice again, with a strong feeling. Feeling lost, she said: "It's also possible that I'm not the man she really loves... If it's true love, how can we just break up?...A lot of times, don't we just live for love!?"

Chen Jin and the pure girl looked at each other and asked, "You two broke up?"

"It's divided, the division is very straightforward... If you want to make my buddy feel better, give me this seat by the window. I want to drink some wine by myself."

Chen Jin was stunned for a long time, then patted my shoulder and said, "Think about everything from a different angle...Congratulations, you are free!"

"There's no need to comfort my buddy. From Shanghai to Dali, there is nothing I can't bear... But as long as we break up, it will definitely hurt for a while, and it will be fine slowly, right?"

"Yes, yes, I'm living a good life now... really good!"

I glanced at Chen Jin and said nothing.

Chen Jin was also sensible, so he was going to take that innocent girl to change tables. Before leaving, he leaned into my ear and said: "An unrealistic relationship, if you lose it, you will lose it. Next time, you must find someone who is far away from your life." Come closer, girl, don't look for the picture in the painting... the mirror is beautiful, but it is also easy to break."

I looked at Chen Jin... Then I said to the innocent girl with a very jumping thinking: "I have her photo, I just put it in my phone... Do you still want to see it?"

The innocent girl glanced at Chen Jin, then asked me cautiously: "Is it really possible?"

"It's ok... Do me a favor after reading it and delete all her photos from the album for me... Thank you."

As I said that, I handed my mobile phone to that innocent girl... Then I remembered Ye Zhi's appearance again, she really seemed to be a woman who walked out of a painting, but I have been with her before, and I know that she also has her own personality. All kinds of emotions... I hope, she will also be a little sad because of this breakup, so that I don't look too shameful and wishful thinking.

……

In the following time, it only took me half an hour to drink ten glasses of "self-explosive beer" into my stomach.

I haven't eaten all day, and I drank fast and strong, my consciousness quickly fell into a particularly fuzzy state.

All I could see were dots of light, and the people who walked past me from time to time, like reptiles, had their faces pressed to the ground, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't see them clearly.

I wanted to find Chen Jin and ask him to send me back, but when I raised my hand to greet him, I couldn't figure out which table Chen Jin was at. For the first time in my life, I fell asleep at the table where I was drinking. superior……

……

I seem to have had a dream. In the dream, I was still in a state of drunkenness, and I couldn't see anything clearly, except for those long white and tender legs, which I could distinguish... I was sure it was Yang Sisi, and then I heard the sound of slapping a basketball again.

While dribbling the ball, she thought to me: "You were pretty straight before, why didn't you get up to defend me?... I told you a long time ago that passing you is as easy as crossing the road in the early morning ..."

After saying this, there was a breeze blowing around me, and then I saw her sports shorts decorated with lace, and her two long legs straddling me.

She is insulting me!
If this is not a dream... how did I fall into her hands?

I was particularly passive because I had lost the ability to move and could only be ravaged by her.

The next moment, I felt like she was dragging a "corpse", dragging me from the center of the basketball court to the place next to the guardrail of the court... The sweat on her face dripped on my face. The smell of alcohol on my body, and the smell of femininity on her body.

I really wanted to call for help, but I couldn't do what I wanted. After she laid me down, my consciousness became even more blurred... Then, I don't know what she did to me again!
I don't want to be like this, I just want to be drunk this night, instead of having some sudden factors that I can't control.

(End of this chapter)