Deer in deep forest

Chapter 51 Sometimes, It Only Takes a Second to Lose Someone
For a long time after that night, Xi Guang never saw Gu Yanshu again.To be precise, it should be fifteen days and nine and a half hours.

I don't know who said that liking someone is like suddenly having a weakness and armor.

Wen Yuyun once told her like a poet, Xiguang, do you know that Yanshu gave you his weakness and armor.

Xiguang was so sleepy at that time, she shook her head in a daze.

Now she knew that Gu Yanshu, a powerful and seemingly invincible person, was actually just a mortal boy with flesh and blood. He would suddenly fall on her shoulder and cry, with nowhere to vent his sadness.

She knew that he must have encountered something very difficult, unspeakable, almost unable to survive.

She has no way of knowing the cause and effect, but when he feels cold, she can hug him.He needs a shoulder and she can lend him it.When he doesn't show up, she can wait for him patiently.

It doesn't matter if you wait another fifteen days and nine and a half hours, Xi Guang thought, she can give him all her life, whether long or short, and wait with him.If Yu Sui was by his side, maybe he would laugh at her for being humble in love, so low in the dust, crawling on the ground, but it is so unreasonable to really like someone.

When I liked someone when I was young, I was desperate, and I still didn't want to look back after hitting the south wall. I have mine until I die.

It's just that in the first fifteen days and nine and a half hours, a major event happened on Nanyao's side.

Tang Su called and said: "Xi Guang, you should go and ask for leave and come back. Beixi is gone, and Nanzhou can't live anymore now. You had a good time with Nanzhou. Come back and persuade him... "

When Tang Su seldom spoke so hesitantly, even she used this tone. Xi Guang felt that saying "Nan Zhou couldn't live anymore" was probably not an exaggeration at all.

Xiguang rushed to Nanyao non-stop, Luo Nanzhou curled up on the bed with Luo Beixi's ashes urn, still breathing.

The narrow single bed, but there was still a lot of room for him to lie on it, and he was so thin that he lost his shape, like a dead bamboo pole.Some crow feather-like black hair was exposed in the thin quilt, Xi Guang tore the quilt away, and he ducked down to hide, tightly hugging the cold porcelain altar on his chest.

Xiguang had just been sent to Nanyao by Lu Wanliang back then, when she heard that there was a very famous acrobatic troupe in this small place, and there were a pair of very famous brothers in the acrobatic troupe.

The elder brother is Luo Nanzhou, and the younger brother is Luo Beixi.Beixi Nanzhou is a name that is easy to remember.

When Xi Guang first met them, she knew that Luo Beixi was a medicine jar.360 five days a year, three meals a day and one pair of traditional Chinese medicine, these years, relying on medicine to hang one's life.

Xi Guang never saw their parents, she only saw Nan Zhou coaxing Bei Xi to drink the medicine.The child with delicate features carefully held the thick porcelain bowl in one hand and a piece of sweet-scented osmanthus cake in the other, and patiently coaxed the guy in front of him who was slightly shorter than himself. It took a long time for the medicine bowl to bottom out.

And now, there is even a lingering smell of traditional Chinese medicine in the small room, but that person has left forever and turned into a handful of ashes in the jar.

Haruki Murakami said, I always thought that people are getting old slowly, but in fact they are not. People get old in an instant.

Xi Guang looked at Luo Nanzhou who curled up in front of him and didn't have the courage to face the world again.I suddenly realized that people will really grow old in an instant, from youth to old age, and lose all their strength.

Luo Beixi was finally buried under a thousand-year-old green sandalwood tree on the mountain behind the temple. It was a ceremony presided over by Master Changji in the temple.There is a morning bell in the morning and a drum in the evening, the mountains and plains are full of green grass, the scenery is picturesque in all seasons, and it is surrounded by mountains and rivers. It should be a good place to go.

Xiguang has been with Luo Nanzhou all this time, sitting quietly beside him, but she has no words of comfort.

It was a fine day, the sun was half hidden in the clouds, and the light was warm, not scorching.

Luo Nanzhou said it was too boring and wanted to go out for a walk.He has a harmless face, a pitiful expression, and a cute appearance, no one can bear to refuse him.

So Xiguang went out for a walk with him, pressing the road very slowly.

Luo Nanzhou said: "Xiguang, I'll take you to take a very magical shortcut. No one else probably knows about it. It was discovered by Beibei before." There are branches blocking the way, so be careful to push them aside.

After leaving the intersection, Xi Guang found that he was near the train station.

Even though they are far apart, they are actually connected.

"It took Beibei a long time to find this path leading to the train station. Every time he saw that I was very tired from training, he said, brother, let's leave Nanyao together, okay?"

Xiguang was dumb, listening to Luo Nanzhou in silence.

Old as in a forgotten train station, the flow of people is sparse, and there are very few farewells on the platform.There were a few middle-aged men carrying suitcases and carrying big bags, standing in one place smoking and waiting for the bus, whispering, whether they were strangers they just met or a group of old guys who were familiar with each other.

The railway track stretches forward, leading to the vast world in the distance, and the wild flowers on both sides are dazzling.Most of them are white, yellow, and purple, and they grow wildly one after another, decorating the cold track.

Xi Guang bought a bottle of water and came out, Luo Nanzhou had already walked a long distance along the railway track.

Behind him is a piece of blue sky, magnanimous as a stone, boundless, with no end in sight.A flock of gray-white birds flapped their wings and flew by, their shaken feathers fluttering in the wind.The lush old trees seem to stand forever, as if silently looking at this lonely and helpless boy.

Xiguang's heart was tightened, and she shouted loudly: "Nanzhou, come back, we should go back!"

On Luo Nanzhou's face as pale as snow, he slowly showed Xiguang a charming smile like a spring breeze, but with a determination like going to death and a sense of relief before being released.

Xi Guang was suddenly overwhelmed by a huge sense of fear and powerlessness, and the water bottle suddenly slipped from his hand.

The train came roaring, and Xi Guang ran towards Luo Nanzhou, but it was too late.

"Nan Zhou, get out of the way—" The loud whistle instantly swallowed her voice.

Xi Guang almost closed his eyes in despair.She seemed to be frozen, she couldn't run anymore, hugged herself and knelt down and cried bitterly, with grief coming from it, "Nanzhou, Nanzhou—"

She used to read Haizi's poems, and he wrote "Facing the Sea, Spring Blossoms".

"From tomorrow onwards, be a happy person. Feed horses, chop firewood, and travel around the world. From tomorrow onwards, care about food and vegetables. I have a house facing the sea, with spring flowers blooming... May you have a bright future, May your lover be married in the end, may you find happiness in the world, I only wish to face the sea, and the spring is warm and the flowers are blooming."

But Haizi chose Shanhaiguan, lying quietly on the railroad tracks, opening the Bible on his body, and waiting for the train to roar by.

Xi Guang felt that he was superficial and could not understand the great pain and compassion of the poet.But human suffering is actually the same, all of them are physically and spiritually shattered, and the sentence is read with the word death.

The train carriage passed by in just a few tens of seconds.

Xi Guang was crying so hard that he didn't dare to raise his head, but Luo Nanzhou's hoarse voice with a sporadic smile floated over his head, "Xi Guang, let's go back."

Xi Guang opened his eyes in disbelief, looked at the person standing in front of him, and hugged him tightly.It was only when her arms touched the cool body of the young man that she felt a trace of reality. She cried even louder, sobbing that she couldn't even speak.

Luo Nanzhou's tears dripped on the top of her hair, "It's okay, it's okay, Xiguang, I'm fine, don't worry..."

Xi Guang shook his head, speaking incoherently: "But... you almost... Nan Zhou, if you..."

"I scared you." Luo Nanzhou said.

no.Xi Guang knew he was lying, she could see clearly the ashes of determination in his eyes when the train was coming.

Almost, this person will disappear from the world, cease to exist, and never smile at her like this again.

Sometimes, it takes only a second to lose someone, which catches you off guard and leaves no room for parry.

"Don't cry," Luo Nanzhou patted Xiguang on the back and coaxed her softly: "Why didn't I realize that you can cry so much? Don't wipe your nose on my clothes..."

"Luo Nanzhou, if you weren't a patient now, I would really beat you up!" After a long delay, Xi Guang wiped his nose and tears in embarrassment, and yelled at him ferociously.

Luo Nanzhou was full of helplessness, and followed her words: "Okay, then I will get better quickly and wait for you to beat me up."

Xi Guang said: "Masochist!"

"Don't cry, everything you say is right now, I dare not refute it." Luo Nanzhou said.

Xi Guang had lingering fears, and warned him viciously: "Don't be so scary in the future."

Luo Nanzhou looked into her eyes and said after a few seconds, "Okay."

"You have to remember in the future, you promised me now." Xi Guang was still worried.

Luo Nanzhou said: "I will remember, I won't lie to you."

The night before Xi Guang went back to school, she slept with Tang Su, lying on the wooden bed and talking about what happened that day, still afraid.

Tang Su wore presbyopic glasses and was reading the "Legend of Heroes of Shushan", which was as thick as a dictionary. She looked wiser than Mrs. Curie, and she said, "Girl, you have lived in Nanyao for several years, and only Nanzhou is as good as you." A friend. He is the same, except for you and his brother, he never deals with other children. I will not analyze the problems of the two of you in terms of personality..."

"It's just that there are so many people of the same age around you, and there is only one person who likes you. This fate is actually rare, and you should cherish it. It's like you can ask for leave so many times and rush back from school to see him, yes He's the same, he must want to treat you well..."

Tang Su said to Xiguang: "I'm afraid he couldn't bear to die in front of you. You still have a long life to live. If he does that, you will remember this matter all your life, and you will have no peace for the rest of your life."

Tang Su flipped through the book in his hand and said, "Nan Zhou is a very good boy. In that situation, he can still consider you, it's really good."

Xi Guang put his ears on the pillow, as if he could hear the continuous rustling sound of rain, or the sound of blood flowing from his own body.She touched the old lady's soft earlobe, and asked in a hoarse voice: "He is so good, why should he bear all this?"

Xiguang said: "Why are some people born with smooth sailing, a happy family, no worries about food and clothing, and can get what they want. But Nanzhou is lonely. He was abandoned by his parents when he was very young. In the end, even Luo Beixi, the only one, died. I want to lose. Grandma, isn't fate...too cruel? Too unfair?"

She said: "Every time I think of Beixi's absence, I feel very sad, not to mention how sad it must be for Nanzhou who is dependent on Beixi...Why, why must Nanzhou bear this? ?”

That night, Xiguang suffered from insomnia.

She heard the wind blowing the leaves outside the window, and the second hand of the alarm clock on the table was ticking.With her eyes open, she prayed in the dark that everything would be fine.

It seems that if you read it, your prayers will come true.

That night was very long, there was no light outside the window, and the sky was still dark.Xi Guang reached out to touch the phone from the bedside table, and when she pressed the key, the cold light from the screen suddenly hurt her eyes.

She sent a text message to Luo Nanzhou, pretending to be relaxed and happy.

"Nan Zhou, I'm going back to school tomorrow. A drama rehearsed in class will be performed soon. It's Cao Yu's "Thunderstorm". Let’s go and have a look together, maybe you will like it.”

The sending time was five past four in the morning.

There was no reply to the text message on the phone for a long time, Xi Guang thought, it's already at this point, Nan Zhou should be asleep.

She turned sideways to block the light from the screen, for fear of waking up the old lady next to her.Boringly opening every app on the phone and closing it again, after repeating it two or three times, my wrists are already sore and my eyes are tired.

The night was long, very long.

Luo Nanzhou stared at the text message and read it word by word a dozen times, and he typed out a line, "How about I go back to school with you? Is food and lodging included? I can do chores for you for free." The relaxed tone came out, followed by a bared expression.

But after reading it over and over twice, he was not very satisfied, so he deleted and rewritten: "Xi Guang, when you go back to Nanyao next time, let's go to the temple to watch a play together, shall we?"

In the end, he deleted it word by word, and he wrote: "Don't worry about me, be careful on your way back to school and be safe."

The tip of the nose was too close to the phone, and there was already a faint mist on the screen. Luo Nanzhou wiped it with his fingers, leaving water marks.He thought for a while, and finally stuffed the phone under the pillow, his face was wet, and the fake smile disappeared.

His eyes lost focus in the darkness, filled with countless invisible sorrows, like the water dripping from the eaves tiles in this rainy season, accumulating more and more, until finally, overflowing.

(End of this chapter)