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Chapter 3 Improving Leadership with Emotional Intelligence (2)
We find that they are always involuntarily wishing to belong to something, and have a serious contempt for their own abilities.They think that if they can be with many people, become a member of a large organization, and warm each other up like birds in a cold wind, they can gain a sense of security.Work for the strong, provide him with value, and then be protected by him, so that he can live comfortably, and his own value can be reflected, and a sense of inner security can be established.

In other words, most people who lack self-confidence do not consider how to stimulate their full abilities and take the risk of becoming a strong person.They need their own organization more, become a member of the group, and then have a deep sense of dependence.They regard the organization as the basis of survival, and are afraid of losing this strong backer and becoming babies abandoned by their "parents".

In this state of mind, they regard the standards of the group as the principle of their own survival and doing things, hide their individuality, sacrifice personal hobbies, flatten edges and corners, anesthetize the independent existence mode of emotional intelligence, and make all behaviors meet the requirements of the organization. Working for the benefit of the organization pays even more.

They can only be "migrant workers" for a lifetime, and their biggest dream is to work in a stable group (state-owned enterprise or famous private enterprise) for decades, as long as they can guarantee their basic living and get a good pension take a bow.

There is nothing wrong with thinking this way, but it may not be what you want. If you want your life to be as magnificent as you expect, or you already have the ability to achieve a career, what will you do?You need to learn from the leaders of these organizations that they possess certain qualities that most people do not possess.They know how to imbue others (like you) with ideals, yet keep their own ambitions separate, combining the two with firmness and wisdom so that they will always be on top of the pack.It is more necessary for you to evolve your thinking mode into a "leader" and think like a real leader.Not only do you have to improve your independent thinking and form a value judgment system based on self-confidence, but you also have to make yourself as qualified as possible in all aspects of words and deeds.

I said to Shang Yan: "It must be wrong to believe in a certain doctrine. Any good leader will not become a slave to ideas. They will only rely on certain ideas and then realize their own goals with the help of this tool." Value, self-achievement."

"That is, life is neither perfect nor realistic? I have to be passionately longing, but also carefully formulate a pragmatic strategy to ensure that every step forward is not wrong?"

"Yes, people with high emotional intelligence are never overly optimistic or disappointed. This is the fundamental reason why they can gradually achieve success through self-struggle. In reality, there are two kinds of people who stand on the balance The two ends of the scale constitute the majority of humanity, and the elite few are in the middle of the scale, benefiting from the balance."

What two kinds of people are standing at the opposite ends of the scale?
Overly perfectionist (such as Shang Yan): Because of the lack of emotional intelligence, he doesn't know how to compromise with reality, so he runs around and bumps into walls everywhere, always feeling insecure.

Overrealists (like most people): They are easily bound by small favors and get stuck in the bottom quagmire from which they cannot pull out.They are often slaves to material things, pursuing material things without end.Their hearts are never satisfied, and their hearts are controlled by desires.

Neither of these two types of people can feel safe.Only when they move closer to the middle, learn and understand the thinking mode of the leadership, can they discover where the key to "letting others work for them" is hidden.What you start to do now is to be the balancer between the two.

Emotional Intelligence Traits of Great Leaders
People often ask me: "You have been talking about leadership and the emotional intelligence that leaders should have. What kind of ability is it?" In fact, "leadership emotional intelligence" is not a synonym for some specific abilities, but an excellent leadership.It has two very important basic features:
First, it can effectively recognize and manage the self.This is not only reflected in controlling emotions and desires and maintaining a good character, but also in pursuing dreams and grasping opportunities.

On this point, I think of a passage that Li Ka-shing said: "When a person is young, don't care whether the surrounding environment has an absolute sense of security. If you feel safe, a crisis may arise. The real sense of security It is the confidence in yourself and the realization of every goal; the real sense of belonging is deep in your heart, and it is your control over your own destiny, because your biggest opponent will always be yourself, not the environment."

Outstanding people dare to pursue their dreams and seize opportunities.Becoming the leader of your dreams is more important than being able to manage a department.The biggest problem people have is not being unable to manage others, but being unable to manage themselves.

In reality, I have found that some people walk either too fast or too slowly.Being in the state of speeding and idling is a manifestation of the failure of self-management.If you walk too fast, your dreams will get out of control, and you will feel restless when you do things. If you walk too slowly, the goal will be out of reach for him, and his efforts will not be rewarded for a long time, so he will be easily lost and lose confidence. , defeated by unsatisfactory reality.

A person's emotional intelligence ability in this area is specifically manifested in the ability to calmly formulate the correct goal and choose the appropriate route. "He knows what he wants, and he knows how to do it." Only when a person sees himself clearly can he manage others, and only when he can manage himself can he realize his dreams step by step, and control his emotions and inner desires in the process.

Second, it has excellent insight into and handling of interpersonal relationships.It must fully consider the public interest and everyone's needs, knead the team, maintain and develop customer relationships, and improve the efficiency of group activities.

"Coordination" is to be good at the distribution of benefits.An ordinary employee often looks at benefits emotionally: this is mine, that is mine, and I deserve everything... They lack interest boundaries in their eyes, and it is difficult to view the distribution principle objectively.If he's content with being a soldier, that's fine.He can ask for anything, and there will always be a wall in front of him to say "no".He is not a leader, does not need to be responsible for the distribution of benefits, and does not have the ability to change the distribution pattern.

However, as the person in charge of a department or the boss of a company, a person with relevant power needs to be clear-headed, not be influenced by personal emotions, and be able to uphold and adhere to common standards, which are the basis for dealing with interpersonal relationships and corresponding interests in principle.

Let me give an example related to Silos Maycock, the founder of the American International Farm Machinery Corporation.Once, an old employee of the company was drinking and making trouble, which violated the work system.According to the relevant provisions of the management system, he should be dismissed.Of course, Maycock did it justice.

As soon as the decision was announced, the old man was very dissatisfied, and furiously came to complain about his grievances and seek justice: "When the company was heavily in debt, I shared weal and woe with you. I didn't get paid for several months and I didn't complain. I made this small mistake today. I'm going to be fired, you guys really don't show any affection, it's chilling."

What the old man said is not without "reason", which is in line with people's rational considerations.This is a veteran employee who accompanied his boss to start a business in the early years, without any complaints or regrets, just to enjoy a little "privilege" today, but the boss's relatives did not recognize him. It is normal for him to be chilled.If it were you, you would also have a heart of compassion; most people in this world would probably choose to forgive him, just verbally admonishing him.

But Maycock was a good leader.A good business leader has only one choice.He calmly said to the old man: "This is a company. The company has its own rules, and everyone must abide by them. It is not a private matter between you and me. Therefore, I can only act according to the rules."

The expulsion of violators is to protect the interests of those who abide by the rules.Coordinating interpersonal relationships means daring to reward and punish, and being fair and selfless.In other words, getting rid of selfishness and treating one's own interpersonal relationship with a public heart is a quality that managers must possess.Without a sense of publicity, any distribution of your interests to your subordinates will lose its due legitimacy.To establish a leader's authority, he must abide by this maxim.

The above two qualities are the emotional intelligence ability that a leader must possess.The former is easy to do. Most people who are brave enough to develop their careers are qualified in the first quality.But not everyone can get rid of the interference of inner selfish desires and make just and just decisions in everything, especially when he holds power that is not controlled and supervised.

When I worked as an employee training consultant for a company, Robben Stern, the vice president of the company, was a very capable and charming person with a good reputation among employees.In fact he is, and all I hear from the staff is about his "good deeds".But it wasn't long before I decided to have a serious private conversation with Stern, asking him to make some changes.

His "righteous deeds" won the hearts of the people, but they did great harm to the interests of the company.In other words, Stern could completely rely on his prestige among employees to defeat his competitors to ascend to the throne of president, but this is his personal prestige in exchange for violating the rules of fairness and damaging the interests of the company.

Sten seems to be full of "perplexity", but I think this is his cunning performance.He said: "When employees encounter difficulties, I should stand up and protect their interests. I try to make myself a benevolent boss and make the company's image positive and healthy. This is a win-win thing."

I spread my hands in regret: "Mr. Sten, I noticed that in the last month alone, you have waived lateness fines for employees three times. Forgiving employees' mistakes is a reason for them to welcome their superiors, but if this reason becomes Normality is never a good thing for the company."

In reality, every company has one or several sten-like figures who hold important positions and have certain powers.They are leaders, but they are prone to dislocation of interests when dealing with their subordinates. They sacrifice the interests of the company in exchange for a harmonious relationship with employees, and even seek greater personal self-interest.

On the surface, he displayed excellent leadership because of his high prestige among employees.In fact, such "quality" is a disaster for the company.

A strong heart is your eternal backing
Strongness is a relative character, and its germination often requires fragile development.No one is born as strong as iron, but he can forge a pair of steel and iron bones in the wind and waves.Of course, there is another possibility. Some people may not be able to stand the real test of life, but some slight "scares" make themselves vulnerable.

I told Shang Yan about my spiritual "purgatory" in the United States.I said: "Like you, I have longed for rapid development. In a country full of opportunities, I can make my life better soon, or at least make myself more decent." This is the most urgent desire of many people. desire.Everyone is tired of the bad reality-everything in front of them is not what "I" wants, "I" desires have no limits, and plans are constantly being adjusted.I am a member of this huge group, and I have designed many life routes for myself: becoming a financial consultant, opening a large supermarket in Chinatown, or investing in an immigration company.Anyway, my plan is to make money, a lot of money.

"But two years have passed, and I'm still staying at the original point. I haven't gotten rich, and I'm still in debt."

The borrowed money ran out, and the creditors came to the door one after another.The beautiful world I imagined and designed turned into a gray hell in reality... If I was weak, I should run away, use the last bit of money to buy a one-way ticket and run back to the country, find a small town to hide, and never die again. Show your face.In fact, I almost did.Fortunately, I stopped the car before the fact of the crash and chose to continue.

"I want to be strong. Surrendering now is tantamount to declaring that you will lose in this life. What is being strong? It is to face problems, find ways to find answers until they are completely resolved, instead of covering your head and pretending that nothing happened." On the road of life , when you buried your head under the covers, no one stopped to wait for you.What God can give you is not mercy and salvation, He will not even give you any hints.God would think: just let that person die like this, it's his right.The only one who can save you is yourself, and don't expect others to help you up with kindness.

Therefore, no matter what problems I encounter, I will tell myself firmly: "My heart is strong and can never be defeated; my soul is free, no matter who it is, don't try to break through its defenses; I just need to release me One-thousandth of wisdom, the difficulties are running away in front of me!"

I kept praying to my heart and trusting in its power.Although the difficulties are still there, I have gradually built up my confidence, calmed down my emotions, and used rational thinking to analyze problems and find solutions.Later practice proved that although I did not save the business at that time, I came up with a way to resolve the debt crisis, which laid a preliminary foundation for future career development.

What if I am mentally weak and will collapse in the face of setbacks?There may be [-] results, but you will not become a person with a strong heart.

I think of Mr. Zhu who developed with me in the United States.He came to Los Angeles the same year as me. He opened a fried chicken shop and hired two Americans to work for him.His shop is doing very well.Americans like to eat chicken, but they have never tasted the fried chicken brought by Mr. Zhu from Beijing, so his fried chicken restaurant business was booming in the first 8 months.He has saved a profit of 70 US dollars, which can buy 5 good houses in second-tier cities in China.During that time Mr. Zhu was the most beautiful person in our small circle.Amid the attention and praise of everyone, he was very proud, bought a sports car, and went to our club every day.Everyone knows that he made a fortune as soon as he arrived in the United States. Many people envy him, and he does not hesitate to share his successful experiences and give them all.

In the second year, in the blink of an eye, Mr. Zhu discovered that there were more than a dozen Chinese fried chicken restaurants under the brand of "Beijing Fried Chicken" popping up on this street.Vicious competition emerged. When I passed by Los Angeles to visit him that spring, I told him that this is really a sigh.

"The Chinese are always like this. They like to divide up their own people and divide up a good business. In the end, everyone starves to death, and no one can do it well."

Mr. Zhu was very calm at the time, he nodded first, and then said to me: "It's nothing, I thought about it a long time ago, and my solution is to simply push the boat along the way and build a brand."

"I'm all ears, how are you going to be a big brand?"

"Unite those who want to open a fried chicken restaurant, open a chain store, and make a fortune together. Of course, Americans can't make money. I can imitate the KFC model." I was surprised by his idea, but also very relieved.Mr. Zhu's ability to think of uniting instead of fighting against the outside world must first secure the inside, which shows that he has the qualities of an outstanding business leader.I sincerely wish him success and can imagine the difficulties he will face.Sure enough, as soon as Mr. Zhu's plan came out, he was hit hard: it wasn't that the Americans didn't allow it, but that the owners of the Chinese fried chicken shops simply ignored him.He visited several times, sincerely invited them to gather to discuss the matter, and entrusted the local Chinese chamber of commerce to convene the contact on their behalf, but he did not get a kind response.

Mr. Zhu was very frustrated. After I got the news, I was also extremely disappointed.Not long after, I called him and asked him how things were going.On the phone, I found him very depressed.He completely lost the enthusiasm and optimism he had at the beginning, and his words were full of confusion and pessimism: "They would rather earn $10 a day and think it is their own money, and they don't want to earn $1000 with me at all. Unfathomable things."

I was surprised because he collapsed so quickly and didn't want to hold on anymore.After the chain store's plan went bankrupt, Mr. Zhu did not make a second effort.As expected, the vicious competition has made everyone's store performance poor. In order to reduce costs, some stores cut corners and put low-quality food additives in fried chicken food, which was found by the local regulatory authorities.In America, making this mistake means ruining an entire industry.All Chinese fried chicken places are no longer trusted.

Among the closed shops, Mr. Zhu's very popular small shop is also included.It was the winter of the following year when I passed by Los Angeles again. I met him at a certain Chinese chamber of commerce in Los Angeles.He handed me a business card with a wry smile on his face, which stated his current occupation: telemarketer of a certain company.

Mental fragility manifests itself in a variety of ways, generally in the following ways:

Surrender after the first wave of bombing in frustration.Although his mouth is strong, his heart is emotional and lacks stamina and insight.They may be smart, but they always appear too weak to take long-term risks.

Optimism is an indispensable "expression" for them, and it is also a paper shield that cannot withstand the blows of some minor difficulties.

A person's inner strength is the most fertile soil for him to acquire rationality and wisdom.So when people ask me what is the best quality for success, I can only tell him: "Turn what you think into action, keep going, keep going, forget about time and the desire to succeed, and you will get it." The most precious quality of human beings."

Elite Qualities Possessed by Few
Leaders are always in the limelight, but they are often blamed.For example - "Look, that stupid man! What else can he do but write reports and curse?" "My boss is really stupid. I have never met anyone stupider than him."

(End of this chapter)