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Chapter 28 Emotional Quotient: Thinking (1)
Don't Let "Willpower" Control You
Sometimes, we don't need to "go all the way to the dark".Why do people sometimes go all the way to the dark side when they clearly know that some things cannot be done?Because they have strong self-esteem, they can reflect their dignity if they persist in walking.

When a person does this, he is actually controlled by his emotions.People with really high emotional intelligence will give up as soon as possible for things that they can't do, they can't achieve, or they can never achieve their goals, instead of stalking and stalking them all the way to the dark.Once that happens, I will be deeply trapped in failure and pain.

On the road of growth, we are often dazzled by lofty ideals or the beauty of the past, and we persist and strive for it with an indomitable and indomitable spirit.In the end, the goal is never achieved, and time and emotion are wasted because of these impossible things.

Therefore, improving emotional intelligence means that you have to learn to admit defeat and learn to give up things that are impossible to get.People will always encounter various difficulties and setbacks in their lives. The most sensible behavior for people is to see the current situation clearly, admit defeat when they should admit defeat, and give up when they should give up.In fact, admitting defeat is not a bad thing.Learning to admit defeat can allow us to realize our mistakes early and correct our shortcomings in advance.

One of my consultants once told me that the reason I study hard now is to become a person of social status in the future, who will live in a luxury house and drive a famous car in the future.However, learning is a very hard thing, and I have to endure suffering before I reach my goal.

What he said seemed to make sense, but it was actually quite wrong.Psychological research tells us not to use will to control emotions.For example, if you think that learning is hard, you will naturally have resistance in your emotions.However, you are reminding yourself with your future goals that suffering is for a better life in the future, as long as you get through it, everything will be fine.This kind of learning is not joyful, but a risky bet.It’s okay if you achieve your goal through hard work, but what if you fail to achieve it?If you can't achieve your goals, you will lose your balance in your heart, thinking that you have paid so much suffering, but you have gained very little.

Even if we achieve our expected goals, we may have to use enjoyment to compensate for the very hard and hard days in the past.In fact, learning is a lifetime thing, you are only recognized in stages, once you stop, you will soon fall behind.

This attitude towards learning is a misuse of our willpower.Whether it is study or work, it is not bitter at first.Among those successful entrepreneurs, which one doesn't regard their career as a happy thing?
Enjoying learning happily is not just about the result, but more about the process experience.If you think that learning is bitter, but also think that the learning process is a means, and only the goal is happiness and happiness. Naturally, we will bear a double burden, and we will feel that learning itself is not happy at all.

However, we all have the experience that when you enjoy doing something, you feel that time passes quickly, you like to stay in this thing, and you don't want to end it early, even though the purpose is greater happiness.

be a loyal listener

Really smart people usually listen more than talk, and they only express their opinions when appropriate.If you keep interrupting and picking faults when others are talking about a problem seriously, then others will definitely close their "confidant mouth" in disgust, and close an open door to you.Take care of your mouth, speak when you should speak, and listen quietly when you should not speak. This is the performance of high emotional intelligence, because most people need loyal listeners.

See more, listen more and talk less, keeping your mouth shut is not an old-fashioned preaching. People who can keep secrets are like brewed pickles. The tighter the mouth of the bottle is sealed, the more fragrant it will be over time.

In the workplace, we can usually hear: I tell you something, you must keep it secret!One incident, Zhang San told Li Si, and Li Si told his friend Wang Wu, and finally, like a snowball, it spread throughout the office, and even the neighbors knew about it.Many people like to explore people's privacy, and treat it as a topic after dinner. The speaker has no intention of discussing it, but the listener is deeply hurt.

Everyone hates gossip.If a person wants to avoid unnecessary slander, he must first restrain himself, do not listen to right and wrong, do not talk about right and wrong, do not spread right and wrong, right and wrong cannot be spread naturally, and people can enjoy a peaceful life with clean ears.

So, improving your emotional intelligence means keeping your mouth shut.A mouth, if not managed, endangers oneself and hurts others all one's life.The mouth can be a venomous scorpion, to be feared and shunned, or a soft flower, exuding fragrance and joy.

Defend dignity, and occasionally "shameless"

This is the third time Mr Peel has lost his job.Early this morning, when he walked into an influential construction company in China, he had already made up his mind that he must do his best to get the job.Otherwise, he had no choice but to leave the city and return to his hometown in the countryside.

Things went well, and Peel made it through to the final round of interviews, leaving only two opponents.At this time, the chief examiner said to them: "We are going to hire an assistant drawing designer. The three of you have all met the requirements in terms of academic qualifications and majors. My test question is to ask you to draw three samples according to the requirements. The first Please draw the most beautiful building you have seen, the time limit is 30 minutes, start now!" Facing the test questions, Peel immediately thought of the red house with the white windmill in his childhood.So, he drew that beautiful memory.The other two contestants also drew the most beautiful palace in their hearts within the specified time.

Then, the examiner asked again: "For the second picture, please briefly draw the floor plan of your living quarters, and briefly introduce the advantages and disadvantages of the buildings in your living quarters. The time limit is 35 minutes."

This test question was not difficult for Peel, he thought for a while and drew it by hand.Peel went in and out of the rented building every day, and he had thought about the shortcomings of the living area buildings hundreds of times, and he had re-planned countless sets of plans in his mind to make them more ideal.

Peel's competitors are also well aware of the pros and cons of the buildings in their living quarters, and they all completed the tasks within the stipulated time.

The examiner briefly looked at the homework of the three people, and then announced the proposition of the third picture: Please draw the floor plan of your living room, and mark the placement of the items you use. Done in 20 minutes.

This proposition is too simple, who doesn't know the layout of their living room.The other two contestants quickly started drawing.However, Peale stood up and said, "Sir, please choose another proposition for me."

The chief examiner coldly refused: "Impossible. This is the proposition!" Peel stared at the chief examiner and said, "Then please specify a living room, area, direction, and the location of windows and balconies for me, and let me lay it out." The examiner's vision is compelling: "The proposition is very clear, your living room. I don't need to talk about it. The employees we need must be a person who obeys management and starts from small things. Only when you have a reasonable plan for your living room. Only by planning can we make a reasonable design for the entire building. We can see the whole picture at a glance.”

"No!" Peel said, "That is my personal privacy, please respect my personality. If it cannot be changed, I am willing to give up the interview."

Pierre left the interview site and wandered the streets for a long time.In the end, he decided to leave the city and return to his hometown in the countryside to seek a new way out, although doing so would make what he had learned useless.However, when he packed his bags and was about to leave, his cell phone rang.The construction company informed him that he would come to work at the company immediately.

Peel came to the company and met the examiner again.The examiner immediately praised Peel: "A person who dares to uphold his dignity is the person we need most. When his legal rights are violated, he dare not speak out. Then, when the company's interests are damaged, he will take it as a Do you stand up for your own affairs?"

Peel's story tells us that maintaining our dignity is more important than anything else.When a person's dignity is damaged, he dares to defend himself in the face of a strong party, which is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.

It's not impossible, it's just that I haven't found a way yet
Such a thing happened to the famous mathematician Gauss when he was in middle school.He fell asleep during math class. When he woke up, he looked up and found a math problem on the blackboard. He thought it was homework for the day, so he hurriedly copied it into the exercise book.After returning home, he immersed himself in the calculation, but he just couldn't figure it out.But he was not discouraged and uncompromising, and finally got the answer through his unremitting efforts.When he brought the answer to class the next day, the teacher was surprised when he found out that it was a math problem that had always been considered "unsolvable".

The world is like this, there is nothing impossible, but there is no way to find it for the time being.

If someone asks you: Can you sell a bottle of red wine for a supermarket in one day?You might say: a piece of cake.Then someone will continue to ask you: Can you sell cars, one car a day?You might say: how come?Well, keep asking you to sell a car every day for years, and you're going to say: Impossible, no one can do it.

(End of this chapter)