I am God!

Second letter.

Hello God, it has been two years since I left your country.

Now that I have become a human being, I take the place of that girl and her identity and live in my favorite land of rain, that city with tile roofs and stone alleys.

Her name is Sunny. It feels a little strange to call her Sunny in a country where it always rains.

But I heard that there are more people named Lando. After all, Lando means bird. Many people in this land hope that they can grow wings like a bird.

Compared with this, sunny days are still more special.

And God, you also like Sunny Day, so I think you should like this name more.

By the way, let me tell you.

I live in the Godly Temple of Wa City where I serve you, but you don’t live here. Just as you said, there are a large number of your servants here in the human world, not just in Wa City. I heard that you have more servants in other cities. There are countless people serving you, calling your name, praising your greatness and bowing to you.

But please forgive me again for my blasphemy and offense. Being your servant here is not a very happy thing. I think it must be because there is only your statue here, and those people have never seen you. You probably haven’t even seen you before. Never heard of this place.

And she used to be a member of Fengshenyuan. I thought this was her home at first, and I envied her having such a big house.

Later I learned that the people living in Fengshenyuan were a group of orphans, as well as widows from big families, children who had lost their inheritance rights, and abandoned people. They would all be crammed here, saying that they were doing ascetic cultivation here. , while confessing to you.

They built a high wall to surround the place, making it look like a big prison.

God, I really hate to use such a word, but this place definitely gives me that feeling.

When I first came here, I was worried and scared every day.

I'm afraid that someone will find out that I'm not a human being, that I'm not her, but that's no longer the case these days. It seems that no one here cares who she is.

My daily job is to get up and pray to your stone statue, then fetch water, dry fruits, grind flour, chop wood, then pray to your statue, and finally rest.

Although the situation is somewhat different from what I imagined.

However, I am still happy to be a human being and live in a city of people.

I took her place, and I will play her role, trying to live a good life in this world full of expectations.

From one’s perspective and identity.

........................

Third letter.

To the great god Helfas.

Maybe you will find me annoying, but I am writing to you again after a year.

I have no friends and don’t know who to talk to.

Of course, I am not talking to you as a great friend. This kind of thing is not something I can do, so just think of it as a prayer of a believer!
Recently, I always think of the happy time when I just had the wisdom of a human being, and the picture of me walking leisurely in your country. At that time, I was extremely eager to be a human being, and I wanted to experience things like a human being. I saw all kinds of things that talents can experience, so I hurriedly came to the human world.

But I don’t know why I am no longer as carefree as I was in the God’s Mansion, nor am I running happily in the drizzle as before. My expression is becoming more and more like her before.

At the time, I didn't understand why she could be so unhappy even as a human being. She was a person born with wisdom, a being that I longed for and even envied.

But recently, I suddenly understood her a little bit. It seems that people are not just happy but have many other things.

Nowadays.

I stood under the wall with a bucket and looked at the sky outside the wall.

Suddenly a voice came from behind.

"Fly!"

"You can fly, why don't you fly out?"

I turned around and saw her.

Her figure stood under a cedar tree, wearing a simple long skirt and her hair like a waterfall, looking at me quietly.

Just as I was about to say something, blood suddenly flowed from her eyes and mouth, and then gradually covered her body, as if she had fallen on the stone road that day.

She seemed extremely angry and kept yelling at me.

"Why don't you fly, fly far, high."

"Can't you fly?"

When I woke up, I found that everyone was looking at me in fear. It turned out that no one could see her just now. They only saw me shouting continuously, as if I was crazy.

This is not the first time I have seen this vision. I have felt this vision often since I took her place.

Recently, this kind of hallucination has become more and more frequent, and I often can't tell who I am.

I think maybe I hesitated on the day when the job transfer ceremony started. At that time, I came under the pillar, but I didn't know which name to engrave on it.

Lando is great, Sunny is great, and I can choose to be them.

They all have names and identities, unlike me, who is just a weirdo with no name or sense of existence.

I want to be Sunny, because she is really the person I want to be, and her appearance is my favorite, but I remember that you told me to call me Lando, and I wonder if I should call her Lando. The name was chosen as Lando.

I hesitated.

With just that moment of hesitation, I lost the opportunity to engrave my name.

That pillar must have sensed my greed and lack of will. I want everything, but I don't actually know what I really want.

Now, I am like a leaf floating in the wind and rain, not knowing where to fall.

God, what should I do?

She asked me to get out of here, but as soon as I fly out, I won't be her.

I don’t want to be a weird thing fluttering in the sky and wind and rain. I want more than just the appearance and body of a human being. I also want an identity and everything that belongs to a human being.

After leaving here, where can I belong?
When I wrote this letter to you, I was sitting under the cedar tree next to the wall. I don't know why, but the wall that once seemed short to me has now become unreachable.

By the way, let me tell you something happy.

Lately, I’ve found that I’m pretty accurate at predicting the weather.

I say when the wind blows, the wind will blow.

When it rains, it rains.

This feeling seems to be engraved in my instinct. I look at the sky every day to predict changes in celestial phenomena. This may be a small pleasure for me here.

Unfortunately, this ability is not available to you.

Because your place is full of clouds and light every day, and there is always unchanging silence and tranquility.

..............................

Fourth letter.

God Helfas, it has been seven years since I left your residence in the Sea of ​​Clouds.

I left Wacheng Fengshenyuan, not because I mustered up the courage to escape, but because I grew up.

Although my appearance will always be fixed at the moment when I just met her, in the human world, I have indeed grown into an adult. People always grow up, so they cannot stay in one place forever.

I didn't fly away with her as much as she expected, but I did see less terrible visions after leaving Fengshenyuan. Maybe a part of her has integrated with me, or maybe she no longer blames me so much. .

Now, I use my ability to predict the weather to survive and work as a weather fortune teller in Wa City.

Rumors that I can predict the weather gradually spread in the city, and many people will come to me to help predict the weather.

When will it be a bright sunny day, when will it drizzle, and when will it rain heavily.

such.

They can then prepare when to go out, know when to gather, when to harvest or let the caravan travel.

God!
I grew up and learned to think about many things.

The last time I wrote to you I said I had no friends.

You may be wondering, didn't I say in my last letter that I had become friends with Qingtian?

You might think that because I have become Sunny, we are no longer friends.

But that's not the case.

It wasn't until I became her that I realized that I had never been her friend. She just wanted to use my power to fly out of this city and leave here to go far away.

But I don't blame her, because I am her now, and I can understand everything about her, her sadness and sorrow, her loneliness and pain.

I also understood.

No one wants to be friends with a weirdo.

During these days, I gradually understood why she jumped in the first place. I clearly gave her choice and hope, but I pushed her into the abyss again.

I finally understood that giving others choices is a responsibility. I gave her choices and hope like a joke, but I didn't understand the weight of this responsibility. I pushed her destiny to the other side without knowing it.

Recently, I often think of what you said to me before.

A long time ago, I asked you for your name, but you didn't give it to me.

At that time, I thought to myself, why are you not even willing to give me a name? You are a great god who owns the whole world, but you are so stingy.

Because I didn't understand at the time how heavy a thing it was to give a name and a choice.

Even higher than the mountains and sinking deeper than the sea.

Even as a god, you know how much destiny is a thing worthy of awe, and you also know not to easily interfere with other people's fate and choices.

Finally, you set me free.

I am not more generous than you, the gods. I am just a guy who doesn’t know how high the sky is. I gave Qingtian her choice, but I did not bear the responsibility of giving her the choice.

I was so despicable that I even took over everything about her.

Perhaps this is the reason why she has always appeared in my hallucinations with a terrifying appearance. She must be cursing me on a sunny day, living in my blood and body, and following me forever.

........................

Fifth letter.

God Helfas, I salute you again and say hello.

In fact, I pray in front of your statue every day, just like those people in the Fengshen Temple who I thought were meaningless. At that time, I thought why you were praying to a stone statue when you were clearly not there.Now I finally understand why. I have so much to say to you, but I can’t write to you everything.

Because you are so busy, even if you cannot hear us, we are content just to pray to your idol.

Please forgive me for bothering you again, because I am so sad at this moment.

Today, I escaped from Wa City.

I lost everything and was so embarrassed.

One sunny day, members of her family came to Wa City and discovered me. More importantly, someone in their family discovered that I was not her because I had a weird aura about me.

I had to leave Wa City. The people in the city called me a monster, including many people who had known me well. This made me extremely sad.

They yelled at me and chased me with weapons. Everyone was afraid of me and even wanted to kill me.

And just yesterday, I had a sunny day.

Every one of them greeted me with a smile.

I finally understood that I could never truly be her no matter what.

When I left, it was still raining in Wa City, which wet my clothes and hair. The rain was very wet. I used to like this feeling very much. I would happily let the rain wet myself, and then cheer as loudly as a bird. birds.

But now, I no longer know how to run happily in the rain.

I squatted on the ground and covered my face in the rain, crying. I was even sadder than the sunny day, because I could no longer have that rainy day that I loved so much.

At this time, I don’t know why I thought of you.

I miss the warm sunshine coming from your windows, and the way you sit quietly at your desk.

Quiet and peaceful, without sadness or joy.

No matter what I look like, you don't care, whether I am beautiful or ugly, you always look at me with such humility and kindness.

You never care whether I am a weirdo or a human being. In your eyes, I am who I am, and it has nothing to do with my name or identity.

Even if the words I once said were so ignorant and presumptuous, and could even be called blasphemous in many cases, you never cared about my ignorance and offense, and answered my innocent questions in a soft voice.

I miss the light of thousands of miles of clouds outside the window.

Suddenly, I began to long for sunny days.

………………

Sixth letter.

No. It’s been 16 years, are you still in that divine residence on top of the sea of ​​clouds?
I have left the city where I live again, several times.

I have been to the Land of Snails and ridden on the endless snail train.

I have been to Cocoon Forest and learned to sew clothes there. The beautiful headscarf on my head now was sewn by me.

I have been to the Umbrella Country and found an umbrella that really allowed me to fall from the sky. If I had had this umbrella, could I have taken her away with me?

Will we become truly good friends? She will no longer resent me, but will become my closest friend and partner.

Probably not, to her I'm just a filthy monster.

I can't stay in any place for too long. I have never grown up or aged. No one thinks that I am a person. Legends about me have already spread in various countries and cities.

An immortal monster who possesses other people's bodies is walking on this land, and the places that can accommodate me are gradually becoming scarce.

I don't know where to go.

I just want to be a human being, but it's so hard.

Perhaps, a person's life itself is like this.

………………

Seventh letter.

God, I have completed part of your mission well again today.

I have found another part of the power of the sky path, and I can finally write to you without bothering you.

This afternoon.

I saw a primitive bird flying over the jungle. Suddenly it started to rain, and the primitive bird could only fall to the ground and walk around awkwardly.

I looked at it for a long time, and I don’t even know why I kept looking at it like that. Maybe I thought we were similar.

Finally, it walked up to me and looked at me blankly.

I reached out and stroked it, and its body merged with mine, as if we were one.

I mastered the energy of life and became a snow-white bird.

I no longer have to worry about turning into clouds and mist that will rise into the sky and then be difficult to come down from. I can fly freely in the sky.

I flew towards the sky, hovering in the sea of ​​clouds, and the sky became clear.

The sun shines down from overhead and falls on my wings and body.

I felt it for the first time.

Even if I am not a person, I am still so happy.

Maybe I was wrong from the beginning. I wanted a name, a human body, a hometown, and many, many more.

But what I want is that first moment when you push open the window.

The moment when the sun shines on me from the window is my happiest time.

I don't need anyone's body, I don't need any special name, and I have already returned home in my soul.

Windows, light, scalding warmth.

It is my happiness.

Of course, it would be better if you could sit by the window. You don't have to look at me, just being busy quietly is enough.

.....................

Last letter.

I have flown to many places, and I even went to the Kingdom of Clouds, where stories of your past are spread.

The hallucinations I saw became more and more serious, and it became increasingly difficult to tell who I was. Sometimes I would turn into a person on a sunny day and live in the city, and sometimes I would turn into a bird and fall in the forest. But lately, more and more people are turning into birds.

Because the appearance of birds makes me feel more happy, and I feel very peaceful, especially when flying under the sunny sky.

By the way, what do I want to say?
I remembered.

Great God, I didn't know how to choose at that time, I didn't know what I wanted at all.

If I could choose again, you like sunny days, and I will become a sunny bird.

If one day you walk in the world and see a white bird hovering in the sky, dispelling the dark clouds above your head, it must be me.

This may be my last letter, I want it to be.

Hey, who am I?

You should write your name!

By the way, I don't have a name.

What did I just want to say?
Come to think of it, why did I forget again, Qingtian, what is going on with you?

Is Sunny my name? No, I am a bird. Who am I?
I am a sunny bird.

Not important anymore.

Most importantly, thank you.

That great god who lives high in the sea of ​​clouds in my memory, thank you for giving me wisdom, thank you for giving me the ability to feel happiness.

last of the last.

Thanks you.

The window opened for me.

Let the sun shine on me, a hated and cursed, filthy and lonely monster.
-
On top of the sea of ​​clouds and mountains.

The mansion of the gods.

Helfas spent more than 20 years building the civilization machine in the Kingdom of the Gods, but he did not have much self-awareness.

Helfas returned to his study and opened the window to let light into the room.

He just finished reading the first letter, and he didn't expect so many to be sent to him.

He sat in his chair as usual and quietly read the letters written to himself one by one.

And the other side.

As the window was pushed open, the barrier of the god's residence on the sea of ​​clouds also opened, announcing the return of the god.

The sun shines through the sea of ​​clouds and falls towards the world.

The light is like a pillar.

In the human world, a crisp call of a bird penetrated the sea of ​​clouds, and soon a figure penetrated through the layers of sea of ​​clouds and climbed up, following the towering cliffs to the top.

It's a white bird.

The color of a sunny day.

It hesitated for a moment and did not engrave its name on the pillar, so in the end it gradually fell into the conflict and confusion between wisdom and life, and finally forgot most of the things.

However, it still remembers this place.

I remember the sea of ​​thousands of miles of clouds here, and I also remember this divine mansion on the sea of ​​clouds.

It flew up to the window sill and looked at the person sitting at the desk reading the letter.

Thousands of clouds outside the window, silence and tranquility. (End of chapter)