Infinity Streaming Game

Chapter 187

My name was given by my father.

The boundless star field symbolizes the stars in the sky, and he said that I am the star in his life.

"Four days open in the middle of the night, the galaxy is rotten." I often heard his sad sigh echoing at home, but I didn't understand his distress at that time.

As I grew up, I realized the meaning of my name. It turned out that I was just my father's star of hope.

The Milky Way is brilliant and dazzling. He originally thought that my star could save my mother's attention and make her give us more or less alms.

However, he was disappointed. I was not a dazzling star. To my mother, I was just a fish eye in the mud, which made her look away in disgust, and made her even more eager to leave this home.

I seem to have lost the value of existence, I have failed my father's expectations of me, I am no longer a star.

And who notices dim stars?
As I grow older, I feel more and more that my father's love for me is only superficial, as if to show my mother how much I value the crystallization of their love.

His love for me is only because of the common blood of the two of them flowing in me, that's all.

His love for his mother, forbearance and restraint, is hidden under his calm appearance. Only when I get along with him day and night can I feel the hotness of this emotion.

He doesn't love me, he only loves his mother.

When I was young, I loved to read all kinds of picture books. Once I saw the dodder flower described in the book. It was amazing. I actually thought of my father from it——

He clings to his mother, only begging her to give him a little love, and his soul begs her to stay hoarsely, but in reality it is silent, humble and powerless.

As far as I can remember, my father would always stand by the window in a daze on a snowy winter day, as if he was remembering something.

My mother always goes out with heavy makeup. Whenever I smell the strong fragrance wafting at home, I know that my mother is leaving.

Even though the smell is so good, I feel that my father looks like he is about to cry. Why is this so?why so sad
Does it smell bad?

When my mother comes back, she will bring a lot of beautiful gifts. When she is in a good mood, she will give me some as toys. The shiny gems are like bright stars, and I treasure them all by the bedside.

Sometimes I even look forward to my mother going out quickly, only in this way will she smile at me when she returns home, and this is the first time I feel the tenderness from my mother.

My mother is really beautiful. She and my father seem to be people of different classes. My father often laments that I am very similar to her, and I am secretly happy about this.

Being similar to my mother is like the only value of my existence. Whenever their eyes rest on my face, I am happier than ever.

I feel that I have also become a dodder, living by absorbing the love of my parents, clinging to them tightly and not wanting to be abandoned.

They won't abandon me, I'm their only son...

His father didn't have a job. It is said that he used to be a rich young man with both talent and appearance, but his family was in decline, and his talent couldn't even feed him.

He often lamented that he was useless at home, but in my heart, my father was omnipotent. He knew everything about poetry and songs. He was the one who taught me how to read and write. At that time, he just shook his head helplessly and said something that I will never forget.

"Money is everything."

People around me often lament the love of my parents. In their mouths, my parents, regardless of the disparity in status and the obstruction of the people around them, participated in the Valentine's Day celebration for love without hesitation. Since then, they have lived and died together.

So unfamiliar.

I listened to the deeds of my parents, but felt like I was listening to the stories of strangers.

My mother went out more and more frequently, and my father became more and more silent. He even seldom talked to me. I could only be a well-behaved son to win their love and affection.

"Young master is really good, he doesn't cry and doesn't make trouble, which is really likable." When the servant praised me, I looked at my parents expectantly.

People like it, does that include them too?
But my obedience didn't help. On Valentine's Day when I was ten years old, the thing I was most afraid of happened.

My father said calmly that they were leaving me.

why?
Am I not good enough?
Why are you leaving me?
"Don't leave me, I'll go wherever you go, I'm very good!"

In my memory, I cried and begged my father to stay, but he kept spitting out scarlet blood, dispelling my hope.

I seem to see the joy and relief in his eyes when he was dying, but I don't understand, I don't understand the so-called love when I was young.

When I was ten years old, I was completely orphaned.

Relatives in my mother's family took me in but didn't give me a lot of love.

I suddenly envied my parents who had been sleeping forever, they were no longer alone when lying together, but I...

Really lonely.

When I was 15, someone approached me and asked if I could make a movie about my parents, and I hesitated.

I inherited the inheritance left by my mother. To be honest, I am not short of money. My relatives around me are strongly opposed to this matter.

"No, no! This is a disgrace to our family!"

"Won't the whole world know about this scandal by then? It's too embarrassing!"

"We don't want our family to be the joke of the whole world!"

……

Their objections are like noisy flies buzzing in our ears.

very noisy.

Watching them quarreling with red faces, I suddenly felt amused. I obviously followed my father's surname, and the decision on this matter rests with me.

I agree, the 15-year-old me has only one request—

Restore the facts as much as possible.

In the end, except for a slight change in the background of the times, the emotions and disputes between them are exactly the same as in memory.

Even when casting the cast, the director respected my opinion, chose the male and female leading actors with the most matching temperament and asked me to go to the set to watch the supervision.

It's strange to say that the 17-year-old actress is only two years older than me, but I feel that she seems to have experienced the baptism of the long river, the gentle breath on her body is like a mother, and the eyes that look at me are like Looking at the child, I couldn't tell whether this was my imagination or reality.

Obviously, when we were both young and throbbing, it would be hard for any man not to fall in love with her, but I only felt the dreamlike warmth, without the slightest feeling of throbbing.

My mother is not Caucasian, but when the camera is on the female lead, she is who I remember her as.

In my fantasy, she was proud and reserved when she was a girl, indifferent and tired after giving birth to me, and I was beautiful when I was young...

I watched them act on the set, but I fell into it unconsciously. Whenever I met those watery green eyes, I felt like a child who was at a loss as to what to do, and could only look away in panic.

As expected, the film won many awards once it was released, and the leading actress became famous in one fell swoop.

I didn't say a word to her, but unconsciously, I seemed to transfer my mother's affection to her.

It's really funny, she's obviously only two years older than me, isn't she...

Time flies, I gradually grow into an adult, and the classmates and friends around me fall in love one after another, sweet and affectionate.

But I can't bring up the desire to fall in love at all. I am like a defeated dog hiding in the shadows. I am in a mess, longing for love but feeling afraid, baring my fangs to anyone who shows me kindness.

Everyone who watched the movie commented on my father's love being sick while criticizing my mother, and I'm noncommittal about that.

sick?

But I think love itself is sick, tormenting everyone to the point of pain, but enjoying it.

Love is poison, ecstasy and bone-piercing but unstoppable. I really want to experience the feeling of my father at the beginning but I avoid it like a snake and a scorpion.

I feel that this world is getting more and more boring. I live in a daze, watching other people's love stories like an observer dissociated from the world.

why?
Why do they yearn for love so much?Why do so many people want to find a partner to participate in the celebration?
I can't understand them any more than I can understand my father's smile as he died.

I can't find the meaning of living, I have nothing to worry about in this world, I just feel lonely.

I want to rush to the hug of my parents.

On Valentine's Day at the age of 22, I paid attention to my image for the first time and tidied myself up from head to toe.

On this sick holiday, I'm out.

I could feel that every inch of my skin exposed to the outside was being squeezed by an unknown force, and every inch of it collapsed, kneading me like plasticine, leaving only a handful of ashes in the end.

While excruciatingly painful, I finally felt relieved.

I heard the terrified screams of lovers passing by, I heard the firm vows of lovers at the ceremony, and I heard her sigh at my funeral, who has become a famous actress.

Someone followed my last wish and buried me with my parents.

I don't know why I can still think, but I can feel the skeleton of my parents' corpses next to me, I'm stuck between them in a small urn, it's like being cared for by them and sleeping in the middle Babies in their cold arms.

In the cold and wet mud, I felt the warmth only in dreams.

The stiff and cold bones could not give me any response, but I felt very satisfied and fell into a sweet sleep.

Later, I discovered that every two months before and after Valentine's Day, I would be awakened by a strong urge, and there was a voice in my heart——

Find a human to participate in the celebration, and bond with her to wake up forever.

This impulse is like an instinct, urging me to deceive human beings, to lure an innocent woman into death, only in this way can I wake up permanently.

If a ghost who has died once wakes up forever, it is tantamount to eternal life.

I have returned to the way I was before I was alive. I can be touched and seen by others, but if I want to, I can go where I want to go. I am not like a ghost. I seem to be living in another way.

No one came to pay respects to our tombstones, including the manor where I was alive, where it was dust-sealed after my death, as if it had been forgotten, and stayed alone on the mountainside.

I fight my instincts.

eternal life?I do not care.

I can't deceive human beings in the name of love. I haven't experienced the feeling of love at all, even if I pretend, I can't pretend it.

The waking hours make me miserable, the loneliness of being thrown up by the world drives me crazy, and I'd rather be in the dark forever.

I can only pass the time in other ways, decorating the dilapidated manor, planting seeds in the garden...

I can't count how many years have passed, time is just a vague concept to me, and I vaguely heard the news of that person's death.

She died of stomach cancer at the age of 45. It is said that she has never found a partner in her life, and she has never even talked about a relationship.

Everyone said that she should be in the mood for love and not understand love, but I think she is different from me, she obviously has a pair of eyes that have experienced love.

I don't know how to describe this feeling, she is loved by everyone, but no one in this world seems worthy of her love, yet she knows what love is better than anyone.

Day after day, year after year.

It seems that another ten years have passed, and my appearance has not changed in any way, but this time I woke up and felt an irresistible force. This invisible force reminded me of the powerlessness squeezed by the rules before I died. They are very similar.

I actually started chatting online with a woman I've never met?
My brain seems to be out of control, facing the chat interface, I actually have an unprecedented feeling...

This feeling is extremely illusory, like being covered with a layer of tulle, which is extremely blurry.

Until the eve of Valentine's Day, I suddenly had a premonition of something. This strange feeling suddenly became vivid and no longer so vague. To uncover this tulle.

I didn't want to hide my abnormality, and came directly behind her.

The moment I saw her, I felt a huge sense of pleasure bursting out of my chest, like the stars shining on the lake, and the sparkling waves reflected in my eyes.

Heart pounding.

This feeling is inexplicable, as if forced, but I don't have the heart to think about it.

The stiff love turned into reality the moment he saw her, the warm lake water broke through the ice and flowed down, those green eyes were different from Ursula's, she was obviously also full of deep love.

I felt loved for the first time, but I couldn't control my own love, I couldn't accept the guess that she didn't love me, and couldn't accept her love falling on other people.

Participating in the celebration with her became a proof of her love for me. I saw the shadow of my father in me, and I just wanted to sink with her.

Come to the celebration so I can feel you love me...

Don't take this love away...

Please, keep loving me.

Why is my love so paranoid?Why is my mind full of thoughts of dragging her to die together?

I was surrounded by this love, and I felt my soul burning, screaming wildly, longing for more love.

I know this is wrong, I seem to be no different from other ghosts, this love comes too suddenly, but I can't resist, the numbness in my heart spreads to the whole body, I can't even see her cry, I can't refuse her request .

Suddenly, he could understand how his father felt.

I finally felt the taste of love.

"Money is omnipotent." My father's words suddenly rang in my ears, and I decided to curb the weirdness of being a ghost and show her my financial resources.

I don't want her to be disappointed, I just want her eyes to stay on me forever.

I long for her surprised look to me, I long for her cheering voice, I long for her to cling to me...

But she didn't seem to have much trouble with the so-called luxury cars and mansions. I was a little apprehensive. My mother likes money so much, why doesn't she?
does she love me

does she love me

This question is all over my head, and even though she's behaving like she loves me, I'm just terribly disturbed.

This uneasiness is like a tarsal maggot, entwined in my heart and tormenting me.

Join me in the celebration, I want to feel more love...

The devil's whispers echoed in my heart, and all I wanted was for her to join me in the celebration, bound for eternity.

However, when she came to the edge of the tombstone and saw her tearful promise, the crazy thoughts in my mind calmed down.

she says--

"Together forever."

"I will take good care of Bian Xingye in the future."

……

after?

If we participate in the celebration together, can there be "later"?Will she die on the spot, and I will never see her loving eyes again...

I hesitated.

I want to be one with each other through celebration, but I want to have a future with her more.

I can appear every year for a long time, I want to really hug her, I want to feel her care, I want to see her vivid figure...

I want to walk with her through the brightly lit city streets on a midsummer night, take a walk with her under the mottled lights, go to the beach and look up at the stars together, and even more want to share a white umbrella in the snowy winter day...

I want too much.

The instinctive impulse was suppressed in my heart, and the longing for the future occupied my brain.

We watched a movie together later, and it happened to be that movie.

Watching the ultimate tragedy of my parents, the thoughts in my heart became stronger and stronger, and I didn't want to follow in their footsteps.

I don't want her to use her life to prove her love for me. Without her, eternal life means nothing to me.

I don't want to be alone with the long future, to celebrate with her, and the momentary gratification leaves only an eternal void.

I looked at her, trying to speak my thoughts.

But things went out of my expectation...

I'm not afraid of dying, what I can't accept the most is the fact that she doesn't love me.

The physical pain was far less than the mental madness. I chased after her, trying to find an answer.

why?
why treat me like this……

At this moment, the figure of my father and I overlapped, and I even thought that it would be a kind of happiness for the two of us to die together.

But she was far more ruthless than I thought. I could feel my urn being blown to ashes in an instant. Before I had time to think, I was about to perish.

The ridiculous thing is that even at this time, I still love her, and this love is like a poison that corrodes my sanity.

I really want to see her smile full of love towards me again...

I love you, please, keep loving me...

Boundless Hoshino, in the end I am not anyone's star.

I'm just a speck of dust...

"I love you..."

　Even if it is a villain on the opposite side (actually he can’t be called a villain haha), I also hope that this character has flesh and blood without facial makeup and is not thin...

　　The hero is coming out tomorrow

　　
　
(End of this chapter)