To my frozen hometown

Chapter [-]: I want to take a car and return to my hometown with a smile

Today I want to inform you about something. After thinking about it for a long time, I don't know how to write it down, but I finally wrote down such a shameless note.

Why did I want to write this book in the first place, to my frozen hometown.About two years ago, I started to conceive this work.From the perspective of a book, it is not passionate, nor refreshing, and it is even more difficult to move people.There is no deep-rooted love in its words, no indomitable enthusiasm, and no wisdom in every word.Yes, in terms of a book, it should be uninteresting.

But if it is just from my point of view, then it should be a work that allows me to truly narrate my inner work.

There is no doubt that I am a boring person myself.In real life, in the vast majority of cases, I'm a withdrawn, eccentric, reticent borderline representative.

I don't like to have too much contact with people. I have low self-esteem, and I am lazy. At the same time, I have a relatively dirty inner world.Jealous, slightly erotic, occasionally delusional violence, but also mixed with some other evil thoughts.I never deny these, I have never been a good person, let alone kind.

So, I set the world of this book as an ice field full of monsters.And the journey of the protagonist is also to die.

I don't shy away from saying that I have a certain negative tendency in my character, because my life seems to have never achieved any meaning.Just in the process of self-contempt and envy of others, I have lived until now.

However, I have always yearned for some beautiful things, sincere family affection, persistent dreams, and fearless determination, and so on.These things are so dazzling to me.

So, I put them in my book as well, giving some of them roles.

I want to use this to let the protagonist take a different path.

Yanagihara likes cars, because my first birthday present was a toy car given to me by my father.

The reward Al gave Yanagihara was a pocket watch, because I also had a watch when I was a child, and it was given to me by my mother.Two hundred yuan, not very expensive, and the smiling faces on it were even a little childish. I thought it was embarrassing, so I threw it in a corner, and I never found it again.

Liz loved music, because my favorite thing to do when my parents were in debt and divorced was to hide in my room and listen to music.I used to want to hold a concert of my own, screaming out my own voice, but unfortunately my singing is not good, I smiled wryly.

De Rosso likes to draw because a guy I like is also good at drawing.

Azttod told a lie, and this book itself is a lie I have spun for myself.

I hope Liuyuan can be redeemed in the future journey, and I hope she can redeem all my regrets for me.

Find that watch, leave that toy car behind, go to be moved again and again, and finally embrace your dream with peace of mind.

Unfortunately, I emptied my mind and couldn't find a few words to describe those beautiful artistic conceptions.Unfortunately, I can't help but want to let those good things disappear.

Maybe in my eyes, only the beauty that disappears is considered beautiful.

I can't always learn to cherish the things in front of me.

This is a process that exhausts me both physically and mentally. It’s like turning my whole person inside out, revealing it cleanly, leaving no room for it, but still arguing with my own heart.

I know some people will think I'm posturing when I say this, but I don't want to explain that because I'm really tired.

After my elbow was disabled, my seldom peaceful life was completely disrupted again. The revised contract at Qidian and the reduced manuscript fee increased the pressure on me as the only source of income for my family.

Sometimes I am really powerless, and I want to ask myself why I have to learn to support myself in my teens, and learn to support my family in my 20s.Looking at my parents' old age, I always feel like a knife is piercing my heart, but I complain a little.

Blame why they can't give me a little support, but hate myself, why can't let them rely on them at ease.

I thought that after my life was settled, I would be able to analyze my heart, let go of everything in the past, start again, and be a sunny, cheerful, strong and optimistic person.

To make some friends, to play basketball, to travel, to take pictures, to paint.

Go buy a car, and a watch with a smiling face on it, take your parents back to the house left by your grandmother, build a new house, and live in the mountains and rivers.

But the reality told me that I thought highly of myself.All it takes is a few accidents, and I'm knocked back into shape.

I just want to find an angle that allows me to look at life, but why, just such a thing makes me feel powerless.

I will not continue to update this book, but it will not be updated stably either.

I'll start a new book, I don't know if the grades will be better, but it should make writing easier for me.

I want to rest and get ready for surgery in November.

If after that, the first thing I saw when I woke up was the sun shining on my bed, I think I might start all over again.Because I really regret that I never showed any kind of beauty.Because I really regret that I couldn't express my longing in words.

That's it, thank you all.

(End of this chapter)