Maybe I can't have a normal youth

Chapter 96 Self Blame

When Zhao Bai'an woke up from the dream, she really regretted it.

Why didn't she help Xiao Huanghan stay away from all these sufferings, even though she could avoid all of this?This is an unspeakable pain, and she feels very sad in her heart.

But this is actually just Zhao Bai'an's wishful thinking. After all, people cannot be resurrected after death, and dreams cannot interfere with reality. In fact, she knows very well in her heart that it is impossible for her to change the facts.Maybe no matter when Zhao Bai'an dragged Xiao Huanghan over, no matter if she was allowed to play with the ball, or walked over at a slow pace, her mother would die in front of her eyes like this.

Because that's the reality.

But...it's really sad.

But it was also through this incident that Zhao Bai'an finally understood why Huang Han insisted on coming to the agreed place early, and why Huang Han liked to make some plans so much in advance.

Sure enough, if things happen, there must be results. This is not a habit Huang Han has developed since he was a child, but a kind of atonement for his dead mother.Self-atonement for no fault of your own.

The only thing that made Zhao Bai'an happy was that Huang Han continued his habit of loving reading.

It's just... Apart from this point, Huang Han's personality is really much different from when he was a child.How on earth did she turn from being so lively and playful to being as quiet as she is now.Perhaps without this incident, Huang Han's character would be like Yang Zichen or Yang Liuyiyi.

At this time, the window had just lighted up not long ago. This was a very long dream. Zhao Bai'an spent the whole night by her friend's side.Maybe she can do more things besides these, but obviously she didn't do it, she couldn't do anything except stay by Xiao Huanghan's side.

"It would be great if I could help her do more..." Thinking of this, Zhao Bai'an fell into deep thought, but it's a pity that even she in reality couldn't think of any good way.Maybe she can accompany Huang Han more in her future life.

It's a pity that everything in the dream is already in the past tense. Although Zhao Bai'an can see Huang Han's past experiences, he will never be able to share the harm she suffered at that time.The pain of losing his mother is already very unbearable, let alone Huang Han saw his mother die in front of his own eyes?

Zhao Bai'an really couldn't imagine the days Huang Han spent these years, how many sleepless nights did she have?How many heartbreaking moments has she had?How much effort did she go through to return to her current calm and indifferent?Or, her heart is still aching?

Zhao Bai'an has no way to bluntly express the pain in Huang Han's heart. After all, she is different from that kind of possession dream. In such a dream, she is just a bystander.

But she can be sure that the death of Huang Han's mother was definitely not caused by Xiao Huang Han.Judging from Huang Han's performance, she must have felt that all this was caused by her procrastination at the time, so she wanted to use this method to hint that she would not make the same mistake again.

However, in Zhao Bai'an's view, there must be more than one thread behind all tragedies. Everything is like a butterfly effect, and there is a source before you know when.If you have to blame, the owner of the car who caused the accident should be the one who wears the hat of "culprit".

Although Zhao Bai'an was very sorry for this incident, she also knew her lack of ability.

She still hasn't figured out how to face Huang Han in real life in the future, and she doesn't know whether she should ask about this past.

But after all, every sad past should be something that everyone doesn't want to mention.

In fact, who is happy all the time?Everyone has more or less sad experiences, it's just the difference between talking about it and not talking about it.Thinking of this, Zhao Bai'an couldn't help showing a wry smile.

No one can really change the world, just like no one can save the world.

Many of us live in this world just to coexist with this world. Most of us change ourselves for the world, but how can we change the world by ourselves?

Thinking of this, Zhao Bai'an can't help but think of Siqing and Si Li again. Although Zhao Bai'an can help Yang Zichen realize that it was not her good friend who left this world, Zhao Bai'an has no way to change Siqing's choice.

It was Siqing's own choice to live in this world instead of her younger sister, so no one could stop her.Perhaps the only thing that can make her change is her younger sister Si Li who has already left this world, but it is really because she left this world that she made such a choice.

become a knot.

In fact, Huang Han is also like this. It is because of her mother's death that Huang Han's temperament has become like this.But Zhao Bai'an is still very fortunate. In the dream, the scene of Huang Han's father holding her in his arms is still vivid in his memory. It was a father who wanted to comfort his young daughter with silent words.

Some people say that we should be grateful for the pain and thank it for making us grow.For these words, Zhao Bai'an just thought it was all nonsense.

Why be grateful for the pain?We will grow without pain.Why be grateful for the pain?It just scars us.

The healing of scars is our own strength and should not be mistaken for a gift from the pain.

And Zhao Bai'an really admired Huang Han's strength.This is her own quality, which has nothing to do with pain.

Because everyone in the drama club had to go to the venue for rehearsals, Zhao Bai'an didn't have much time to continue thinking or blame himself.

She simply cleaned herself up in the dormitory, and went to the rehearsal venue of the drama club alone as before.

At this time, the campus is basically empty, after all, it is still too early.Looking at the empty surroundings, Zhao Bai'an couldn't help thinking of the noisy scene in the previous dream again.

The streets of Beijing are crowded with people, and the bustling city always gives people a special attraction.Although for her, the existence is more of the sound of the collision between the piece of bright red blood and the vehicle.

Perhaps Huang Han really chose to come here in order to get away from those sad memories of the past.

In fact, Zhao Bai'an didn't know what Huang Han was thinking, she thought it was a past that shouldn't be mentioned after all.Before Yang Zichen's past was because he didn't know about it, but now that this incident is an ancient scar on Huang Han, Zhao Bai'an will naturally bury it for her.

　Thank you for your reading and support~

　　

　

(End of this chapter)