Maybe I can't have a normal youth

Chapter 36 The Scarlet Church

"Ah!" Zhao Bai'an panted heavily, his eyes burst open on the bed with a scream.

Ah, it turned out to be a dream!She held her head in her hands, curled up, and kept scratching her hair, trying to calm down.

Even though he has experienced many dreams so far, it is because of this too real feeling that Zhao Bai'an can't get away quickly every time he wakes up.It felt as if she had two realities superimposed on each other.

"Huh~" As soon as he closed his eyes, Fang Zhihua's motionless body lying on the sofa flickered in front of Zhao Bai'an's eyes.He opened his eyes and looked at his hands. In the dark night, there was only a glimmer of moonlight squeezed in, and his dark hands seemed to be covered with blood.

The night was still deep.Since I am so awake now, why not go to make a cup of hot chocolate to calm down further.

Zhao Bai'an quietly climbed out of bed, the layer of sweat inside the pajamas had already begun to dry.Holding the cup and walking to the end of the corridor, she pushed open the door of the activity room.

Hey, there is no one in the activity room.

Zhao Bai'an thought he would see Gao Yanran.Shouldn't she be in the activity room with a notebook in her hands at this time?

Full of doubts, Zhao Bai'an filled a cup of hot water at the water heater, and the hot air from the melted chocolate powder rushed out of the cup noodles like a mushroom cloud, and she took a deep breath.En~ It's really a reassuring and happy fragrance.

Holding the hot mug, Zhao Bai'an opened the door of the activity room again.

A coolness swept over the whole body, and even the heat on the hands was reduced a little.

Outside the door of the activity room, there is a huge high hall, a white dome, and marble benches scattered not far away, surrounded by white railings...

ah!This is... the White Church!

but……

Zhao Bai'an looked back, and behind her was indeed a room that looked like an activity room, and her pajamas had changed into a white short-sleeved singlet, white shorts, and there were bloodstains on it.

Zhao Bai'an couldn't help feeling uncomfortable.Fang Zhihua's lying body flashed before her eyes again.

What the hell is going on?If it goes on, she will suspect that she is crazy!

Zhao Bai'an put down the mug in his hand and walked into the white church alone.

The door of the activity room closed automatically behind her, and Zhao Bai'an walked out from the milky white door about half the height of the entire dome.The aroma of chocolate disappeared and was replaced by a smell of rust.

The last time I didn't have time to take a closer look, the gate seemed even taller at such a close distance.There was a faint relief on the door panel. She reached out to touch the door panel, and it was smooth. The relief seemed to grow from the inside out, and it only existed inside the door panel.

Above Zhao Bai'an's head, white lacquered metal strips are intertwined and twisted to form branches, spiraling upwards.At the top of the gate grows the same white metal flower.

No, white isn't that exact either.The coating on the metal flowers has partially peeled off, and the exposed areas are rusted.On the petals, there are spots of rusty brown, like... like dried blood.

Was it rust gas that Zhao Bai'an smelled?Or the smell of blood?

In this way, the White Church seems to be a little different to her now.Although it was still so quiet, the light cast from a high place cast a faint blood color on all the white.

On the contrary, unease flashed in the peaceful and peaceful atmosphere.

Or is it actually a problem with her retina?

Zhao Bai'an's temples throbbed violently, her whole body was in a trance, and her eyesight was once again unable to focus, so she had to sit on the ground with her back against the door and limp.

"Tap, tap, tap, tap," came the sound of footsteps.

kindness?someone?

"Tap, tap, tap, tap," someone was walking towards Zhao Bai'an.

who is it?

A teenager wearing a white short-sleeved singlet and white shorts like her appeared at the circle fence at some point.

Ah, that's...

"Magician..." Oh no, it's not. After the boy got closer, Zhao Bai'an finally saw his face and those eyes clearly, "Sanmu..."

Huo Sanmu, who looked somewhat similar to Chen Yudi, walked all the way to Zhao Bai'an.

Sassy as a breeze, it swept away the bloody smell in her nasal cavity.

"What's the matter? I feel that you are a little confused." For the first time, a thick voice came from the body with red eyeballs.

"Sanmu, just because you are here...it really is a dream..." Zhao Bai'an hesitated to speak, but she just walked over from the activity room.

"That's right, this is the world where I exist, which is the dream you mentioned."

"But..." The feeling of strangeness has not disappeared, besides...

"You... It's the first time I saw you appearing in a male form, so I couldn't react right away."

"Hahaha, Xiaobai, haven't I already said that? For me, I don't have any gender distinction." Huo Sanmu sat down beside Zhao Bai'an, and leaned against the door panel with her.

"Yeah, I know. It's just that this time you ... look a little like someone I know."

"Oh? That's right." Huo Sanmu smiled lightly at Zhao Bai'an, "That's probably because you want me to appear with such a face now."

Huo Sanmu's words brought Zhao Baian back to the day when he first met him on Hongxin Island.

——"It's not just me, this Red Heart Island has become like this because of your preferences and wishes."

"Why...why do I have the memory of Red Heart Island? Besides, Siqing, Si Li, Fang Zhihua... even eat curry rice with Ji Qiu and the others clearly remember it!" The more Zhao Baian recalled, the clearer the memory, and the frown Wrinkle tighter.

This...how could it be a dream?

Zhao Bai'an pressed his temples on both sides in disbelief.

"And I can clearly realize that I am in a dream, as if... as if it is the same as my cognition in real life!"

"Xiaobai, don't panic." Huo Miki patted her head, "It's not surprising that you can have such a perception here. Although this is a dream, this is the palace of your subconscious mind, where the dream world operates. It is not surprising to have such a cognition.”

"The palace of the subconscious mind?" Zhao Bai'an carefully chewed what Huo Sanmu said, "I thought the Red Heart Island was the center."

"The definitions of the two are somewhat similar, but their functions are quite different. This is more like a deep operation center, so you have memories and thinking that are very similar to reality. The Red Heart Island is more like a surface node, a subconscious palace. In the final analysis, it’s just a dream story. Your dream will reflect a lot of your subconscious, just like every time I change my image.”

"No, then how do you know so clearly? You actually know that we are in a dream! But you are also a product of my dream! Does everyone in my dream know that they are in a dream? Mr. Rabbit, Momo, Are they all cooperating with me!"

"Hahaha, no." Huo Miki laughed, but then sighed slightly, "They really live in this world. And I just know that this world is just your dream, there are some operating mechanisms, I I don’t know, and I don’t think even you in real life know.”

"Besides, I only get through my memory when I get here, so you don't have to worry about whether the Red Queen is acting." Huo Sanmu paused, pointed at Zhao Bai'an with his right index finger, and pointed at himself, "From a certain In a way, you and I seem to be in sync, or connected."

"Oh~ that's right!" Zhao Bai'an nodded, "So you can always show up at certain moments when I need you. You are indeed the most special one."

Huo Sanmu crossed his legs, looked at her sideways and said, "I can know so clearly because I was born here, this palace of subconsciousness."

"At the beginning... I don't know how long ago, I woke up in that circle." Huo Sanmu narrowed his eyes and looked at the short railings in the middle of the hall.

"The first time I saw you who claimed to be Zhao Bai'an, at that time..." Miki began to recall like an old man.

"You said you were only 12 years old, about this tall." He raised his arm and gestured in the air, "You also named me."

"Then you told me that this is the church, which is actually the temple of the subconscious mind, but you said that this is the church, because the church represents a white and peaceful place in your heart."

"Later, you brought me to the Red Heart Island, and I mainly settled down there and became the Red Queen. Anyway, I won't remember these things when I was there."

"I see... Miki! You know a lot."

Huo Sanmu smiled heartily at Zhao Bai'an: "What I know is actually only what you know, I just pulled them out of your head and presented them to you."

"By the way, Miki," Zhao Bai'an suddenly thought, "Then what did you look like at first?"

A helpless smile appeared in front of her eyes: "Xiaobai, in this world, we can't see our own appearance in the mirror. So only you know my original appearance."

ah?But……

"But... since you have forgotten, let it go with the wind." Huo Sanmu seemed to see Zhao Bai'an's guilt.

"My original appearance was just your subconscious at that time. Don't worry about it. As you grow up, I should also change."

"Well... Thank you for comforting me, Miki. No wonder I wanted to confirm when I became Siqing, but I couldn't see it clearly."

"Ah, by the way, Siqing!" Zhao Bai'an suddenly remembered what she had just experienced, chatting with Huo Sanmu so much that what happened just now felt like it had become a distant existence.

"Siqing stabbed Fang Zhihua just now, are you there too?" She looked at Huo Sanmu.

"Why...why did I become Siqing in the end? Or did Siqing become me?" As Zhao Bai'an recalled, the light in the subconscious hall seemed to become dimmer, "Sanmu, it's like... just As if I really killed someone, this feeling is really too bad."

"Xiaobai..." Huo Sanmu moved towards Zhao Bai'an, hugged her who was trembling slightly, "Although such a situation did not happen before, I think you were too involved at that time."

"You also know that these are all your dreams. Even if they actually happened in reality, they are just replays in your dreams. So, I think you are too involved, and you in the dream You were directly drawn into the first-person perspective. Your flustered feeling is actually the empathy for Siqing."

"So, it wasn't you who stabbed someone, Xiaobai. You don't need to blame yourself or worry about it, and you can't change this established fact." Huo Sanmu comforted him while patting Zhao Baian on the shoulder, "Do you want to see Fang Zhihua?" What happened afterwards?"

what……

"Come with me." Huo Sanmu stood up and took Zhao Bai'an's hand, pulling her up from the ground, and she found that the blood on her clothes had long since disappeared.

Walking through the subconscious hall sideways, step by step, as he got closer to the wooden door on the other side, Zhao Bai'an's flustered mood gradually calmed down due to the influence of Si Qing, the light above his head returned to colorless, and the milky white door that he walked in just now was also gone. Slowly healing, the rusty flowers are recovering their white coats piece by piece.

Going around the huge pillar, Huo Miki pushed open the wooden door.

　So far, Zhao Bai'an has almost explored some of the laws of his dreams step by step. I hope I can explain it clearly.

　　To sum it up here:

　　Zhao Bai'an was able to reflect some of the people around him in his dreams because of his overdeveloped receptors and his ability to observe small details in life (she didn't know it herself, but her subconscious mind had recorded it all.) story.

　　The white church corresponds to the subconscious temple, and the red heart island corresponds to the dream story rest stop (of course there are some other uses).

　　Dream stories are often the embodiment of reading other people's past/experiences, and Zhao Bai'an is usually an observer/outsider.

　　And if Zhao Bai'an is the protagonist in the story, then the dream is likely to be a heterogeneous manifestation of her emotions or some things around her, and it may not be real.

　　(PS Because Huo Miki’s setting has no gender, so I always struggle with "she, he, it". Generally speaking, which form I prefer in the current dream, I will use which one he is as the representative Refers to words.)

　　Thanks for reading~

　　

　

(End of this chapter)