Lord, don't chase me, I want to go back to modern times

Three months ago, Tianyan was ordered by the emperor to start an unprecedented grand battle with the Khitan general on the border between the two countries.

I heard that a good news came a few days ago, and Tianyan returned to the teacher victoriously.

The emperor told me that as long as Tianyan wins this time, he will be named prime minister.

Now, he really won, and what the emperor said must be fulfilled.

Count the days, it should be here today.

I heard from Ningxiang that after climbing the "Xianglan Mountain" in the East Palace, you can have a panoramic view of Shengjing, and you can just watch Tianyan's army enter from Jinling City.

I really hope that I can see him at first sight, and only when I see him safe and sound can I let go of my hanging coin.

This time he invited himself to go to the battle, I naturally disagree, he is only 17 years old, he has never fought such a big battle, how can he compete with the Khitan general who has experienced many battles?

However, my objection has no effect. He said that everyone is responsible for the rise and fall of the country, even for protecting the country, because he needs greater rights to support me as the queen.

In the imperial court, led by General Zhao, they have always opposed me as the empress, saying that I am a beauty and a disaster, not to mention that I still have nothing to do, and I cannot be a mother to the world.

In the past six months, the Zhao family and the Mu family have changed from in-laws to enemies, and they are divided into two factions in the court, one side supports me and the other side suppresses me.

But their eyes were fixed on my stomach, but my stomach didn't move at all for half a year.

In fact, as early as half a year ago, I had already learned from the imperial doctor that I was extremely weak, and in addition to that miscarriage, I was already infertile.

I didn't allow him to spread this news, and I couldn't let him spread it either.

The sound of knocking knocking knocked spread across the empty valley, and I couldn't help withdrawing my thoughts and listening attentively. —It took a while to recognize the sound as the sound of a wooden fish knocking, and I was suddenly puzzled. How could there be a wooden fish sound in this desolate place?

"Ningxiang, did you hear anything?" Afraid that I might hear it wrong, I asked Ningxiang who had been standing beside me.

"I heard." Ningxiang nodded, also saw my doubts, and explained to me aloud, "That's the Buddha's voice from the Kongming Hall, where the well-known Master Jinghui lives. A few days ago, the emperor ordered someone to invite her into the palace, and bestowed Kong Mingtang on her."

"Master Jinghui? Why did you invite her into the palace?" This is the first time I've heard this matter mentioned, and I'm very curious.

"The slave doesn't know either. I only know that the emperor will come once a month, and he stays for a day and a night."

Worship the Buddha in the Buddhist hall all day and all night?This doesn't seem like something Xiao Jincheng did. Since when did he believe in Buddhism?

"Take me to have a look."

With three points of curiosity and seven points of doubt, I strolled down the mountain with Ning Xiang, and the wild smoke was everywhere, and the green hills were at dusk.

We followed the crisp sound of wooden fish all the way, and it took us a lot of energy to find the Kongming Hall.

The weeds outside the hall are soaked and left unattended, which is a bit desolate.

Ningxiang led the way, and we walked into the small courtyard, where clusters of budding white orchids were enjoying the sunshine of the warm sun, and the extremely rich fragrance lingered in our noses.There is a vegetable garden surrounded by a small open field in the middle, and the green vegetables in it are in full bloom.A lot of rice grains were sprinkled outside the corridor, and many sparrows and yellow warblers pecked at the rice and ate it. All these scenes are just like ordinary people's homes.

I suddenly felt as if I was in a paradise, not a cruel and bloody harem, quiet and peaceful.

"What advice does the benefactor come here for?" An old woman's voice awakened me who was in joy, and I looked towards the source of the voice. A nun who was nearly sixty years old was holding a rosary in her hand, and expressed her sorrow with sadness. eyes smiling at me.

"Are you Master Jinghui?" I also stepped forward, bowed respectfully and saluted, as if I hadn't been so respectful to anyone for a long time, in the harem it was always others who saluted me.For some reason, I felt reverence when I saw her.

"It's a poor nun. I don't know who the benefactor is? How could it appear again?" She kept her gentle smile, as if she hadn't seen such a sincere laugher for a long, long time.

In the harem, all the concubines and servants flattered me with flattering smiles. Over time, I thought it was the so-called smile.

But when I saw her today, I found that only her expression can be called a smile in the world, and it is really clean.

"She is a concubine Xian." Ning Xiang took a step forward and revealed my identity.

A look of surprise appeared on the nun's originally calm face, she sized me up from head to toe, then she nodded without smiling, "So it's Concubine Xian!"

"Master knows me?"

She didn't say a word, but just invited me to enter the Kongming Hall. In the hall, there was a huge Maitreya Buddha made of gold. Sesame oil was offered in front of the Buddha, and there was a faint scent of candles all around.

Master Jinghui and I sat cross-legged on two goose-yellow cushions in front of Maitreya Buddha facing me, while Ningxiang stood waiting outside the hall.The hall is surprisingly quiet, but this silence does not make me feel panic.

In the past six months, when I was alone in the bedroom, how could I feel that someone beside me was staring at me, so no matter when and where I want Ningxiang to accompany me, talk to me more.

Otherwise, as soon as the surroundings are quiet, I will be cranky...

"Madam has frowned deeply since the moment she stepped into the Kongming Hall, which shows that there are all kinds of things in her heart. And Madam's hands are always clenched into fists, which shows the uneasiness and fear in your heart."

As soon as I heard her say this, I realized that my hands were really tightly clenched into fists, and I hurriedly let go.I smiled uncomfortably, but I saw Maitreya Buddha who was smiling suddenly glaring at me fiercely.

I shivered, my heart beat faster and faster, "It...why is it looking at me so fiercely?" I asked with some fear.

"Benefactor, please close your eyes..." She was not in a hurry to explain, but just told me to close my eyes.

I closed my eyes as if possessed by a demon, and then I heard the sound of wooden fish knocking into my ears.

"Tell the poor man, who was the first person you saw?"

"Madam Qi." I murmured and blurted out.What came to my mind was that night I strangled him with my own three-legged white silk and threw him into the dry well with Zhitao.

"Now, who did you see again?"

"Shen Jieyu." The screen turned, and suddenly there was a bleak scene of Shen Jieyu yelling injustice in Biyue Palace.

It was I who bribed the maid beside her and put Huanling powder into the tea she drank. As long as I drank it, hallucinations would appear in my mind, so I beat the maids and eunuchs around me many times.

"Any more?"

"Concubine Lian!"

Concubine Lian's tendons and tendons were severed, and she said grievously that I was wronged. I want to see the emperor... She was dragging on the ground covered in blood.

"Why do you only think of them?"

"It was I who harmed them."

"Why harm?"

"Revenge for my sister. Concubine Xia, Shen Jieyu, Mrs. Ya, and Concubine Lian beat my sister to death. I want to avenge her."

In Xinyue Palace many years ago, the bloody scenes broke into my mind again.

I knelt down and begged them to spare her, and their cold ridicule, and the bloody handkerchief I always kept...

"Madam, please think of happy things..."

"No."

"Madam's current wish."

"No."

"You may open your eyes now."

I opened my eyes suddenly, picked up my sleeve and wiped my forehead, only to find that my sleeve had already been soaked with sweat, staining a large area.

I couldn't stop panting to calm down the panic in my heart. I really can't remember what happened just now, "Master Jinghui, what did I just say?"

She just smiled and said nothing, raised her hand - pointing to the Maitreya Buddha, "Look..."

Following her pointing direction, the fierce Maitreya Buddha I saw just now is no longer there, and it is still the Maitreya Buddha with kind brows and kind eyes smiling at me happily.

"Why did this happen?" I gradually calmed down the panic in my heart and asked aloud.

"Because of the inner demon." She kept stroking the bead with her hand, her expression was very peaceful, "I remember three years ago, when the emperor stepped here for the first time, he said the same sentence as you, 'Why is it like this? Fierce, like you, is also trapped by demons."

"What is a heart demon?"

"Hate, greed, delusion, and obsession make you lose your human nature. You have desires and ambitions, but deep down in your heart you are struggling with contradictions. You are afraid, confused, and panic. The two repel each other, so it leads to Get rid of your current demons."

She spoke out my inner thoughts to the point, my fists clenched even tighter, and cold sweat gradually oozes from my forehead.

"How can I get rid of the heart demon?"

"Abandon the distracting thoughts in your heart, let go of hatred, and stop being confused and panic, so that you can be your true self."

"Let go of hatred?" I sneered, how easy it is to say, how can I just let go?

"Impossible, absolutely impossible."

She sighed tiredly and remained silent for a while, "Has the benefactor ever done something that I regret today?"

When she mentioned the word 'regret', the scene of Xiao Yiran accompanying me to catch fireflies instantly appeared in my mind, and I nodded with a sad voice.

"Yes, I regard him as my best friend, because he can make me happy, make me laugh, and understand me better. I gave him trust and trust unconditionally, but what he rewarded me was betrayal. My dearest person. So I hate him, I chose to blame him, and finally he died, died in front of me, the momentary hatred disappeared, replaced by that regret. Until now I I still can’t let it go, and since then no one has yelled at me while protecting me at the same time.”

"Now do you still have someone you hate?"

"Yes." I lowered my head sadly, and my clenched hands slowly relaxed.

"I loved him once, and he loved me very much, but he was the one who hurt me the most. I couldn't understand why he used me to achieve his goals since he loved me. He knew that I was not in good health. Jin wants to push me away, and today my child has a miscarriage, so he deserves to say that he loves me? He is hurting me and using me in the name of love, is this considered love?"