love addiction

"I'm sorry for making you feel wronged all these years." Qin Pianran's voice suddenly sank.

Hexi felt a pain in his determination and wanted to say something.

He added, "You often say that you fell in love with me at first sight, why didn't I? Speaking of it, it's very surprising, obviously at that time you were a little girl, but I had such thoughts about you, so I think My own thoughts are wrong, and I want to correct them, but I am such a self-controlled person, and I will never be able to do it in this matter."

"I have been fighting with myself for a long time, but I was defeated in the end. I think, maybe you are an accident to me. After I couldn't restrain my mind, I thought about treating it in an indifferent way. Maybe this , can make this feeling not ferment so quickly, but I think so in my heart, but my actual actions are not like this. I used to go to Hexi’s house once in a while, and most of the time I went to report my situation to your grandfather, but since I met you , I always want to run to your house, because in this way, I can have more opportunities to meet you."

"That's when I thought, I must be crazy."

"For a long time, I was so serious with myself. Then I thought, maybe you are just infatuated for a while. When you are older and understand what love between a man and a woman is, maybe you won't like me that much. Well, then I might be able to control myself."

"It just so happened that I was able to go abroad at this time. It was a kind of embarrassing escape. When I arrived in the United States, I began to use my busy studies and part-time jobs to make myself forget about it, but I still couldn't help thinking about you. At that time I just realized, I fell in love with you, I fell in love with you before you fell in love with me, I started to try to do what you like to do, go to work on the horse farm, because I remember you like to ride horses, and you like to ride horses When I pass by a flower shop, I am in a daze when I see you like your baby’s breath. When ordering, as long as there are mushrooms, I will order. After tasting a delicious mushroom, I will subconsciously Thinking of bringing you to such a place to eat your favorite mushrooms in the future..."

"During the time before you went abroad, I deliberately didn't know about you, thinking that I could fade it away, but I always wondered in the dead of night, has my little girl grown up? It's gone, have you forgotten about me, have you...there is a boy you like by your side..."

"When I think of this, I will become crazily jealous and wish I could go back to China right away, but another voice in my heart tells me that maybe this is a good thing for you, because there is too much difference in status between you and me, and I I'm just a poor student receiving financial support from Hexi's family. How can I like you? Although this society doesn't talk about family status, the three views of two people are also formed by the environment in which they live. family background."

"I used to be afraid. This kind of fear made me panic all day long. It didn't fade away until you came to the United States to find me. You won't know how excited I am when you know you still like me, but I must restrain myself. Myself, because I haven't caught up with you yet, you had more time to chase me at that time, in fact, I was also cooperating with your chase many times."

"And those things that I wanted to take you to do, I still didn't do it, because I was afraid, I was afraid that I couldn't control my feelings. Only that time, when I saw those cherries when I went to scientific research, I was so out of control I took you there, and when I saw the satisfied smile on your face, I realized that everything was worth it."

"In order to realize these values ​​earlier and more, I began to climb up more crazily. Just when I thought I was about to catch up with you, one of my uncles told me that the murderer who killed my father back then was your grandfather... …At that moment, I felt like the world was falling apart.”

"I locked myself up, I couldn't think of any solution, I didn't even know how to go about my life next."

"I'm afraid of not having you, and I'm afraid of having you."

"Because I know that if I am with you, I will definitely hurt you because of this matter, so I thought, why don't you just give up, but I can't tell you to leave, so I have to find Anna to hurt you Actions, hate is easier to let go than love, I hope you let go, even if you don't have me, Qin Pianran, in your future life, it doesn't matter, even if I will die alone in the future, that's fine."

"But when I saw your tears, I regretted it very strongly. I wanted to hug you very much, but I didn't have the courage to hug you. You ran away and my world collapsed. Yes, and then I comforted myself with tears and laughter, isn't this the answer I want? Maybe this way, you can let me go because you hate me?"

"Later, I fulfilled my promise to the Hexi family and worked for your family company for five years, and you came back after being angry. No one knew how touched I was at that time. I felt like I was lost and found again, but I can't show you a little bit."

"I am selfish. In this relationship, I have always been selfish. I like your liking for me, but I never let you feel my love for you."

"Many times I wanted to let myself go, but I found that I couldn't do it at all, so I continued to love so selfishly and occupied all your sights. The time in Hong Kong should be the best couple of my life. years, because there, I can forget a lot of things, even if it's just an escape."

"Later you went back to Jiangcheng, I thought, I have no reason to be selfish anymore, and you are getting old, maybe you should try to let go. At that time, I went to find Zhuoran, and I felt that there was something wrong with me. I have to go to treatment, Zhuo Ran is enlightening me, during that time, you pushed me hard, including that night, I can't remember many things, but when I woke up in the morning and found you sleeping next to me , I was really scared, so I ran away."

"As soon as I left, I was thinking, how should I face you in the future, my life is bad enough, I don't want to involve the beautiful you, so I summoned up the courage to tell you the end, and said that I will be with you from now on Molu, but no one knows the overwhelming feeling of regret after speaking."

"A lot of times, I feel like I can't hold on any longer."

"Until another man appeared by your side, I experienced the feeling of jealousy and madness. I went to Zhuo Ran, and I said I couldn't control myself at all. He comforted me and said, maybe give it a try, things may not be my own. Thinking so badly, then, there was me some time ago."

"That is the truest me. Maybe you think this is strange, but I know very well in my heart that that is the most sincere and essential me."

"But these good things can't last long. When I saw your grandfather in front of my father's grave, the hatred in my heart made me lose control. When I was negotiating with him in the teahouse, I never thought that you would appear Yes, I want to find a suitable way to solve this problem, but everyone knows that this is an unsolvable problem."

"It's been so many years, no one has been able to pursue anything, and nothing can be redeemed, but you just appeared so suddenly, and I didn't have the slightest precautions. These dark, gloomy facts are just known to you. I don't know how to explain it, and I'm afraid to explain it, so I watched you leave in pain."

"I shut myself in the room, but you are all on my mind."

"After all, I couldn't help looking for you in the morning. When I saw you sitting on the ground, I realized that I really did something wrong. After all, it was because of my selfishness that made you sad, so maybe I left , is the best."

"A-Jiao, I've thought about letting go countless times, but I still haven't let go. I don't know what to do..."

"I'm always at a loss when it comes to your affairs..."

"I'm afraid of not having you, and I'm afraid of having you."

***
When Qin Pianran woke up, it was already afternoon.

The splitting headache after a hangover made him want to bang his head.

After he got the collar from He Xijue last night, he went home and drank a lot of wine.

As for how much wine it was, he had no memory at all.

What did he do when he was drunk?
Qin Pianran couldn't remember anything. He picked up the phone and wanted to check the time, but found that the phone had already run out of battery.

He got up from the ground top-heavy, found a charger to charge his phone, and only after opening it did he realize that he had made a phone call last night.

He called He Xijue...

Qin Pianran woke up suddenly, and hurriedly checked the records, only to find that she had been on the phone for more than an hour.

What did he say in the past hour or so?
Qin Pianran really couldn't think about it at all, they all said that drinking was a mistake, this was the first time Qin Pianran realized about it.

He washed up, changed his clothes, and went out. During this period, he called He Xijue, but the other party's phone remained unanswered.

Qin Pianran began to panic, he turned the car around and rushed to Hexi Jue's company.

But when he arrived at the company, he learned from Pei Yiyi that He Xijue had taken a long vacation and would not be going to work during this time.

Qin Pianran thought again, He Xijue said that he was going to look at the house with Si Yin today, so he hurriedly contacted his boss Yin through his friends.

This is the first official meeting between the two men.

Last time in the western restaurant, Si Yin had a conversation with Qin Pianran, but it was only a short meeting, and they didn't say much.

But this time, it was Qin Pianran who found herself.

He sat there without the slightest panic, still smiling.

Qin Pianran, who was calm and reserved on weekdays, asked him with a haggard face, "Is she with you?"

This she, of course refers to He Xijue, Si Yin is a smart person, so he immediately understood what he meant, then shook his head, "No."

Qin Pianran naturally doubted him, but she had to lower her self-esteem and said, "I called her last night after I was drunk, but I couldn't remember what I said, and I can't find her now, so I just came to you, I hope you can tell me."